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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this mother should be ashamed of herself

726 replies

2boyzNosleep · 11/12/2024 19:57

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly2zq1yl0ko

17yr old girl & 18 yr old boy hook up on holiday in Dubai. I believe they may have met over there. The girls mother finds messages on the girls phone when they return to the UK. The mother reports the guy to Dubai police. He gets arrested as sex with anyone under 18yrs is illegal in Dubai. He has now been sentenced to 1 year in prison.

I haven't looked into it much, as far as I can tell it was consensual, a charity called Detained in Dubai have been trying to help (legally I think).

Am I alone in thinking how bloody spiteful the mother is?!? The girl is 17 years old and I think in another report saw that she turned 18 shortly after returning.

Marcus Fakana in school uniform

Marcus Fakana: Briton, 18, sentenced over Dubai sex with girl, 17

Marcus Fakana has been sentenced for a year over the relationship, a campaign group in Dubai says.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly2zq1yl0ko

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
JSMill · 12/12/2024 07:55

The mother is a spiteful bitch. She has ruined a young boy's life for nothing.

MissAnthr0pe · 12/12/2024 07:58

winter8090 · 12/12/2024 06:29

How do you know she's not black too?

Her name and picture have been circulating on social media since the arrest. The woman and her daughter are both of Indian heritage.

petedicks · 12/12/2024 08:02

HappyTwo · 12/12/2024 07:08

I’ve been reading the news and multiple threads on this and agreeing how terrible it is. But I’ve read so many Mumsnet threads now slating the mother saying she did this and did that…. and I am beginning to wonder how does anyone know this is true? unless she or her daughter has done an interview and j have missed it? I guess I am concerned there is more to this story than what people think they know.

Because every news story - including the BBC one linked here - says this or a version of this to explain why the boy was arrested. 'After returning home and seeing pictures and chats, the girl's mother reported the relationship to Dubai police, who then arrested Fakana at his hotel.'

MaggieBsBoat · 12/12/2024 08:08

Goldenbear · 12/12/2024 07:47

According to reports the Mum and daughter are from England, she was in England when reporting this, this is not the culture or law of England so why is she obliged to do it?

There is no obligation but he/they broke the law of Dubai. Where they are from is irrelevant. Surely you realise this right?

commonsense61 · 12/12/2024 08:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ThatRareUmberJoker · 12/12/2024 08:10

RawBloomers · 12/12/2024 03:50

What “It” are you referring to?

A quick Google search will explain in more detail better than my explanation if you are having trouble understanding what I am talking about.

saraclara · 12/12/2024 08:16

Is it right to ruin someone's life because you're unhappy about the decision your daughter made? Absolutely not.

That.

I'd ask all the posters saying "well he broke the law..." -would you have reported him, knowing that he could have spent 20 years in jail?

This was an act of vengeance, and nothing more

Shellybeans · 12/12/2024 08:25

@Goldenbear She reported a crime that occurred in a different country to the authorities in that country. Even if it was also considered a crime in England, the English police would not be able to do anything (look up “jurisdiction”). She could have reported it from India, China, Australia - it actually doesn’t matter where she was, it matters where the incident happened. You can be arrested, charged and jailed in a different country from where you are from if you break the law in that country, much like the male in this scenario. I mean, if you found out your underage daughter was assaulted while on holiday when you returned, wouldn’t you report it?

2boyzNosleep · 12/12/2024 08:32

saraclara · 12/12/2024 08:16

Is it right to ruin someone's life because you're unhappy about the decision your daughter made? Absolutely not.

That.

I'd ask all the posters saying "well he broke the law..." -would you have reported him, knowing that he could have spent 20 years in jail?

This was an act of vengeance, and nothing more

Exactly, those going on about the law in Dubai are ignoring the actual issue- which is the mother reported him knowing that there would be serious consequences, and still going ahead with it. She knew exactly what she was doing.

What was she trying to achieve? What was her motivation?

Her daughter still had sex, that can't be taken back. Ruining his life doesn't reverse the 'shame' her family perceive. There's definitely no hiding from it now, I'm sure close family and friends know who it is. Plastering their identities over social media isn't the right thing to do either.

OP posts:
2boyzNosleep · 12/12/2024 08:41

Shellybeans · 12/12/2024 08:25

@Goldenbear She reported a crime that occurred in a different country to the authorities in that country. Even if it was also considered a crime in England, the English police would not be able to do anything (look up “jurisdiction”). She could have reported it from India, China, Australia - it actually doesn’t matter where she was, it matters where the incident happened. You can be arrested, charged and jailed in a different country from where you are from if you break the law in that country, much like the male in this scenario. I mean, if you found out your underage daughter was assaulted while on holiday when you returned, wouldn’t you report it?

Edited

She reported it because she was unhappy. Not because it was assault (although obviously due to age of consent in Dubai it does come under that). I go back to, if they were so concerned about her having sex, how did the opportunity come about? He didn't abduct her, they both consented. And they were months apart in age. It's not like he was 18 and she was 14.

If you went on a family holiday and found out that your daughter had willing sex with someone a few months older, would you really report it, knowing that it could ruin the other person's life??

A few months ago there was something simialr, a mum posting on here that she was unhappy (probably 'devastated') that her 16 yr old son was having sex with his 16 yr old girlfriend. Both British, no culture issues, the mum was not happy due to her personal beliefs but wanted to tell the girls mum. To achieve what? Stop them having sex? It's already happened a number of times.

OP posts:
MumWifeOther · 12/12/2024 09:01

andIsaid · 12/12/2024 02:45

due to the fact that she had to hide and conceal her holiday fling

How do we know this?

Have the girls family made a statement?

https://metro.co.uk/2024/11/26/family-british-teen-facing-20-years-dubai-prison-pleads-countrys-ruler-22066116/amp/

Marcus spoke to British-based aid organisation Detained in Dubai about the ‘nightmare’ he is living.

He said: ‘We had a wonderful time together.
‘We really liked each other but she was secretive with her family because they were strict. My parents knew about our relationship but she couldn’t tell hers. She had to meet me without telling them it was to see a boy.”

Naive and dangerous. Both him and his parents.

Family of Brit teen facing 20 years in Dubai prison pleads with country's ruler

Marcus Fakana, 18, had a fling with a 17-year-old in Dubai,

https://metro.co.uk/2024/11/26/family-british-teen-facing-20-years-dubai-prison-pleads-countrys-ruler-22066116/amp

MumWifeOther · 12/12/2024 09:04

marmia1234 · 12/12/2024 05:20

#Boycott Dubai
Stoneage place should not be supported by other countries visiting. There are hundreds of countries in the world. Visit somewhere else ( I'm not even mentioning it is horrendous on so many levels they are too long to list)
UK people should be lambasting your govt to get the poor sod out of there, but I bet heaps of people will still go visit Dubai, thinking , it will never happen to me. 🙁

They’re not “stone-age”. Not need to boycott just avoid if you can’t adhere to the laws and respect the culture.

Æthelred · 12/12/2024 09:10

I grew up in the UAE - next door in Abu Dhabi rather than Dubai. Generally the authorities don't care what people get up to as long as they are discrete.

I hope for Marcus's sake that the UK Foreign Secretary keeps his mouth shut and doesn't try to 'help'; it seems his default reaction would be to accuse the Dubai authorities of racism and that would go down like a rat sandwich. Best keep quiet; Eid al-Fitr is in March and there's every chance Marcus will be released as a gesture of goodwill.

If the girl ever sets foot in the UAE she will face the same consequences as Marcus.

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

"have a go on her"

WTF? Would you have used similar phrasing of the ages had been reversed? I bet not.

angrymenopausal · 12/12/2024 09:14

Shellybeans · 12/12/2024 08:25

@Goldenbear She reported a crime that occurred in a different country to the authorities in that country. Even if it was also considered a crime in England, the English police would not be able to do anything (look up “jurisdiction”). She could have reported it from India, China, Australia - it actually doesn’t matter where she was, it matters where the incident happened. You can be arrested, charged and jailed in a different country from where you are from if you break the law in that country, much like the male in this scenario. I mean, if you found out your underage daughter was assaulted while on holiday when you returned, wouldn’t you report it?

Edited

Can I check, do you actually believe that the girl was assaulted? Do you believe that the mother thought her daughter was assaulted? That the boy commuted a nefarious non-consensual act with her?

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 09:14

MumWifeOther · 12/12/2024 09:01

https://metro.co.uk/2024/11/26/family-british-teen-facing-20-years-dubai-prison-pleads-countrys-ruler-22066116/amp/

Marcus spoke to British-based aid organisation Detained in Dubai about the ‘nightmare’ he is living.

He said: ‘We had a wonderful time together.
‘We really liked each other but she was secretive with her family because they were strict. My parents knew about our relationship but she couldn’t tell hers. She had to meet me without telling them it was to see a boy.”

Naive and dangerous. Both him and his parents.

Naive and dangerous. Both him and his parents.

And her. She isn't innocent in all of this.

biscuitandcake · 12/12/2024 09:15

UndeniablyGenX · 11/12/2024 20:10

Out of interest, would people's responses be the same if this had happened in the UK and he was 16, she was 15?

I don't think it would be good thing that they had had sex at that age. I wouldn't want my hypothetical 16 year old son sleeping with his 15 year old girlfriend. I wouldn't encourage a15 year old daughter to have sex either. BUT given the ages I don't think a court case or prosecution would be in their interest, or in the interest of the public. Quite likely the police and CPS would not consider it in the public interest to pursue either (unless there were other factors involved).

MumonabikeE5 · 12/12/2024 09:17

Yes, this does sound desperately unfair, and if it were a consensual event then surely this will have caused a major breakdown in the mother daughter relationship.

that said, it is incredibly ill judged to go to a country that has such strict rules and brutal attitudes to human rights and then ignore them.

biscuitandcake · 12/12/2024 09:19

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 09:14

Naive and dangerous. Both him and his parents.

And her. She isn't innocent in all of this.

FGS

You can sympathise with the boy without needing to make snide comments about "she isn't innocent in all this" with the implications that she is one of those teenage hussies who like to get men into trouble etc (also used a lot where there is very clearly sexual abuse). She is just a teenager acting in a very normal teenage way. In this case so is he - but his not being a sexual predator doesn't mean its OK to use that language about her.

saraclara · 12/12/2024 09:26

biscuitandcake · 12/12/2024 09:19

FGS

You can sympathise with the boy without needing to make snide comments about "she isn't innocent in all this" with the implications that she is one of those teenage hussies who like to get men into trouble etc (also used a lot where there is very clearly sexual abuse). She is just a teenager acting in a very normal teenage way. In this case so is he - but his not being a sexual predator doesn't mean its OK to use that language about her.

They both share the same responsibility. If posters on here are going to blame Marcus for being reckless, then she was reckless too.

Personally I think they were normal teenagers acting normally. I'd be surprised if he even asked her how old she was, given that they were in the same year group and it was summer. I don't think any blame needs to be apportioned, but with regard to this thread, I don't think that either can be singled out without the other.

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 09:29

biscuitandcake · 12/12/2024 09:19

FGS

You can sympathise with the boy without needing to make snide comments about "she isn't innocent in all this" with the implications that she is one of those teenage hussies who like to get men into trouble etc (also used a lot where there is very clearly sexual abuse). She is just a teenager acting in a very normal teenage way. In this case so is he - but his not being a sexual predator doesn't mean its OK to use that language about her.

what are you on about? I've made no implications like that at all! She is equally "guilty" of what that poster was accusing the boy and his family of.

What language have I used that isn't? I said she wasn't innocent. Which she isn't, she was instigated the deception and was complicit in the sex.

Stop accusing me of things I never said.

StarlightLady · 12/12/2024 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

So the UK, famous for its lawmaking procedures is “morally lax”? Is that a new legal term?

It’s morally lax because it allows freedom of those over the age of consent, to give consent?

Shellybeans · 12/12/2024 09:45

@2boyzNosleep She reported it because she was unhappy. Not because it was assault (although obviously due to age of consent in Dubai it does come under that). I go back to, if they were so concerned about her having sex, how did the opportunity come about? He didn't abduct her, they both consented. And they were months apart in age. It's not like he was 18 and she was 14.

Where do you draw the line though? We can argue day and night about whether it’s right or fair or even logical but in Dubai, 18 is the age of consent. I agree, a few months are hardly going to make a difference in maturity, responsibility or understanding but that’s not what the laws or culture in Dubai allows for. Technically, she was underage and could not legally consent. This is an important lesson for all young men and women to learn and understand (as they also need to understand consent can be withdrawn, not saying no is not the same as saying yes, etc).

As an example, the legal age for drinking here is 18 and there are very hefty fines (and potentially prison) for serving alcohol to someone under 18. You don’t get a pass if they’re almost 18. Even if it’s their birthday tomorrow, you cannot legally serve them alcohol. I’m sure some bar staff do and probably get away with it, but that doesn’t mean they’re right or smart to do so - or that a parent is wrong for reporting it if it happens, even though most parents probably wouldn’t.

If you went on a family holiday and found out that your daughter had willing sex with someone a few months older, would you really report it, knowing that it could ruin the other person's life??

No, I wouldn’t. I would ensure my daughter was not coerced/forced as that would be my main concern, but I’d like to think my daughter and I have a healthy and respectful relationship where she would not need to sneak around or lie to me or put herself into a potentially unsafe position. However, just because this mother made a different choice doesn’t mean she’s disgusting/racist/vile/a cunt/deserves threats or to have her life and her daughter’s life ruined as payback, either. As quick as we are to give the male here the benefit of the doubt for “not knowing the law” (or not understanding the law), perhaps the mother also didn’t realise how serious the consequences could be, for all the reasons everyone keeps pointing out (daughter almost 18, consensual, etc)?

Annabella92 · 12/12/2024 09:49

2boyzNosleep · 12/12/2024 08:41

She reported it because she was unhappy. Not because it was assault (although obviously due to age of consent in Dubai it does come under that). I go back to, if they were so concerned about her having sex, how did the opportunity come about? He didn't abduct her, they both consented. And they were months apart in age. It's not like he was 18 and she was 14.

If you went on a family holiday and found out that your daughter had willing sex with someone a few months older, would you really report it, knowing that it could ruin the other person's life??

A few months ago there was something simialr, a mum posting on here that she was unhappy (probably 'devastated') that her 16 yr old son was having sex with his 16 yr old girlfriend. Both British, no culture issues, the mum was not happy due to her personal beliefs but wanted to tell the girls mum. To achieve what? Stop them having sex? It's already happened a number of times.

I imagine it was to send a clear message.

Annabella92 · 12/12/2024 09:50

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 09:29

what are you on about? I've made no implications like that at all! She is equally "guilty" of what that poster was accusing the boy and his family of.

What language have I used that isn't? I said she wasn't innocent. Which she isn't, she was instigated the deception and was complicit in the sex.

Stop accusing me of things I never said.

Edited

He broke the law she didn't?

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