AIBU with BF’s tightness

[LotofLotty]

My boyfriend of several years has always been quite careful with his money but recently, it has really started to grate on me. If we go and get a takeaway, I’ve noticed that he always lets me pay. He is always asking what food I am bringing over to his house for him to cook. If he cooks he produces some out of date food from the reduced section or something like that.

He is not short of cash. He owns his house and has paid off the mortgage and earns over £3k a month in a relatively cheap northern area.

Ive recently started trying to assert boundaries and make him pay his fair share and it’s come to a bit of a head today. A week and a bit ago we had a day out. We went in my car and I bought the lunch. I said at the time that he would have to buy the next ‘treat’ for us. He didn’t offer any cash for petrol and it was a 3 hour round trip.

We had a takeaway on Sunday night. The app is linked to my card so we discussed it expressly and he said that he would transfer the money to me. I reminded him on Monday and now I’ve just lost my patience with him.

We are going out for Christmas meal with colleagues (we work in the same place) and he always buys his female colleagues drinks. But he never buys me anything. I mentioned that I would like the same treatment as the colleagues and he told me that I had ‘to stop the jealousy’. I suppose I am jealous that he treats work colleagues with more generosity than me.

He maintains that I am making a big deal out of nothing. AIBU please?

It's not jealousy to want the money back that you owe me. Transfer it now please.

And then when you've got it back, dump and block. He's a piss taking freeloader.

Leech. Dump.

Just bin him off Op

Tell him to fuck off.
🤢😡

OP, anyone with any self respect would have dumped him after the first incidence of this. I would do a bit of research into abuse (Dr Ramani on YouTube) because if you don't, you'll keep falling victim to it.

I can't stand stinginess in a man even if he's not expecting me to subsidise him. I laughed once because the man I was sort of in a relationship with insisted on adding up everything we'd ordered for our takeaway and when he phoned, they'd put the prices up! Once of many icks.

He needs to download the takeaway app too…and his banking app!

🙄 did you even read the OP? Do you think him leaching off her is acceptable?

Hahahahaha!

Yeah, get rid of this tight sponger OP. I'm cringing to death at his freeloading ways.

Does he have a 'subconscious' feeling that he's paying it elsewhere?

For example, my partner and I have separate accounts, always have. I pay for the groceries, but on the one day a week my partner works late and we get takeaway, my partner will pay. So it 'works out in the wash'.

If he's paying utilities, DIY, tickets, fuel, buys expensive presents, etc (I know you've discounted some of these already), maybe he feels you balance it out with food?

I doubt this is the case from what you've said, I'm just exploring all options.

Exactly this. Sounds like 'one of those' (ie a narc)

He's taking the piss

They don't live together and he lives in his own mortgage free house, so paying his own bills is irrelevant?!
And the OP says she drives places and he doesn't pay her petrol. And she pays for takeaways not him, she said all this in her first post

Dump. How completely unsexy.

This is such an ick. Please dump him and let him find someone else to leech off.

He is always asking what food I am bringing over to his house for him to cook

Christ alive. Just dump him. He's awful.

Spot on
What a stingy unattractive miser

OP why are you so desperate that you are (or have been) willing to pay him to be with you?

If it’s this difficult to get the tight git to part with a fair share for dates, how on earth do you think he would be if it came to bills later on?

It really shouldn’t be this hard so early on. Especially as he has a reasonable income! Ditch him, there’s no future in it.

I’d walk away from this, if he’s like this with dates I dread to think what he’d be like if you had shared bills, food shops, maternity leave, children etc.

When my husband & I were dating we used to take it in turns to pay for things so if we went out for lunch I might pay, if we went out for dinner the next weekend he would pay, bigger things like weekend’s away or day trips we’d both contribute and if one was driving then the other would pay the fuel. Not wanting to spend/waste money is okay, but not if he’s still happy for you to foot the bill instead (unless you’re offering).

Thank you everyone. I’m not really sure what he adds to my life. I’ve just messaged him telling him that I am no longer interested in being in the relationship. He did pay me earlier today though at least!

Well done you…onwards and upwards!

Well done OP!
Don't let him bully (or try to emotionally blackmail) you into staying with him!

Can't believe he's trying to serve you rotten food when he's more than solvent. Dump! He'd rather you've end up in hospital than give you the respect of serving fresh food.

He wants to look good/save face with coworkers so he's well thought of, but you get the real him.

Sorry just read. Way to go, op!

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