Cancelling Christmas Pt 2 - Updates

[Grinch123]

Hi all,

Know the last thread here filled up very quickly and there were so many wonderful and supportive comments that got me through a very tough 24 hours! Thank you if you contributed, it meant a lot 🙂

Starting a part 2 to provide updates/vent, (and take any Disney planning advice 😂) as a few people have asked and also I know I'll need more support over the next few weeks as it's been tough! If you want to stick around on this thread, I'd appreciate it.

Updates from yesterday:

Dropped off all Christmassy foods/stocking fillers etc at our local Foodbank. Couldn't get through to anyone at the charity that supports refuges - I'm in the office today but have emailed a nearby school to see if they want the bits to raffle off at their fayre this weekend.

Locks are changed! Thought this was a bit of an overreaction but DSis tried to come over again last night (we weren't in) so I guess not.

Told DD about Disney, she's ridiculously excited and I think young enough she doesn't realise this = missing out on a 'family' Christmas. Also bought festive Minnie PJs and Christmas ears online.

Family are being a nightmare. I have messages from all of them on pretty much any site you can message a person on (WhatsApp/messenger/texts/loads of missed calls) - everything from begging/emotional manipulation, to being told to F off (by a parent!) for screwing up Christmas because I like to use my money to control everyone and play with peoples feelings 😅 Also messages from mutual friends checking in because siblings have told them I've 'lost the plot' ~ and a concerned call from DDs nursery, evidently one of them has called the nursery worried about my mental health and asked if they could check in?! Thankfully the nursery haven't shared any info with them at all (they don't do any pick ups etc) but it was a painful conversation to have!

I've disassociated with it and messaged them all, once, along the lines of 'life is really busy at the moment, will look forward to catching up when we get back but I do need some space.' I think it's been a scales dropping from my eyes moment, because I'm sure lots of this would've worked on me in the past, but now it's just making me mad 😬

You're my hero OP.

Following and here to provide support if you need it. I'll even make up a festive song if you like.
"Balls to that big bunch of wankers, fa la la la la, la la la la"

Have a wonderful time in Disney, not sure if it’s still there but we went to see the giant ginger bread house in Grand Floridian a few years ago.
also for next Christmas, why not reach out to your friend again in Sydney. Christmas and NYE is fantastic in Sydney!

I think you need to report the relative who contacted your nursery to the police re harassment. That's crossing a line, and I'd be worried about them escalating it to a false SS claim. Better to get ahead of it by having now, by already having it on record that your family are harassing you before they try something like that.

I think you should stand your ground, OP. They may never realise how grabby and selfish they've been. People often justify their bad behaviour and close ranks. "You're rich! We're poor! You've got a big home to host us! Gimme, gimme. Wah !!"
Is there anyone among this sorry bunch who might be reasonable to talk to about all this once the dust has settled? Maybe they can convey to the rest of the family how you feel (on their secret Whatsapp?!) and there could be a re-set? Doubt it and I would be suspicious of any sucking up that starts but just a thought for a way forward in 2025. Never do a 'family' Xmas again unless there's major changes.
Anyway, enjoy your Disney Xmas.

Disney cruise line do have a small number left over new year but probably only one or two - also depends where you want to go too

Yeah, I want to book one too!. OP will surely soon update us on this.

Thanks for updating us all. Just came on to say , well done you . I know you will have a fabulous Christmas 🎄 with your daughter and wish you the best x

Hi @Grinch123 - I've read all your posts and just wanted to say well done for being firm now that your family have shown you de3finitely who they are. Ignore the minority saying that you're burning bridges and other nonsense - you are perfectly entitled to grey rock the lot of them (can you guess from my username that I'm getting to be an expert at grey rocking 😁)

Now, on to your upcoming Disney adventure... I can recommend a trip to Celebration Village at Christmas time. They have 'snow' and an ice rink and horse & carriage rides, and the lights and decorations in the streets can be fun too. When I first visited Celebration I thought it was a bit Stepford Wives, but I got sucked in when I saw how much fun the younger members of the family were having skating and eating at the diner and seeing the Christmas lights.

I hope you and your DD have a wonderful trip and that your NY resolutions hold fast.

I would also say be careful that your home is extra secure while you are away, I may be wrong, but I wouldn't be surprised if Dsis has taken the piss a bit when she had the key to your home, her visit to 'surprise' you rings alarm bells for me.
In the New Year you need to think carefully about your will and possibly Power of Attorney should anything happen to you so that your DD's future is secure and your CF family won't be in a position to use her as they have used you should anything happen (not nice to think about I know, but people like your family members will be expecting big inheritances if the worst happened)

THIS! THIS!

Re-posting in case you missed it.

I'm just here for the updates, having had a minor meltdown (all internal - and a stroppy thread on here!) over DM, DF and another set of relatives' expectations over Christmas presents.

Don’t answer the posts about when and where your cruise is - sorry if genuine posters - but I just don’t trust your family to be trying to find out details of your trip

Your family have absolutely zero self-awareness, do they, @Grinch123?

They have used you for years, demanded expensive presents, enjoyed lavish hosting and cannot see that it is their own behaviour that has led to this year's decision from you.

Your Disney holiday and cruise sound amazing, and I hope you and your dd have a wonderful time, spoiling yourselves rotten - it is no more than you deserve!

OP am echoing the advice re your Will, Power of Attorney, Guardianship of your daughter. You need to protect your daughter and her future.
If you do need to redo your Will, it is imperative that a note is made in the Will or is lodged with the solicitors if you decide to cut your relatives out completely or just leave them token amounts, in case they decide to challenge it. I know you are young but my first husband had a brain haemorrhage age 33, so no-one knows what tomorrow holds.

Good thinking! If they find out then they'll have plenty of time to tow the iceberg into position.

Gosh, well done you! Whoever goes to your local charity shop will have a lovely Christmas!

Edited as quoted the wrong post!

This is excellent advice. OP please read this! <klaxon>

I missed the boat on your last thread as it was full but I just want to say well done you. Please stay strong. You have set an outstanding role model to your DD

Or they could call customs etc and say not authorised to leave the country with her daughter as a single mum etc and or call the police for a “welfare check” knowing full well she is out of the country just to gain access … what you might see as funny I see as a true possibility

Yes, this is how it’s probably going to go. My 16 yo dd has a friend, well now ex friends who treated her abominably several times over and the last time went to cyberbullying, which is in fact what’s happening to you op with all these messages. This girl is now edging towards this stage. The girl is contacting dd’s boyfriend telling him how perfect dd is and blaming him for their friendship breakdown… he’s ruined dd apparently. The girl has been friends with dd since the age of 4. We are all just standing firm. Please also stand firm.

@Grinch123 you have been and are being amazing. It’s very rare that I read a thread where the OP has been so decisive about dealing with a shitty situation. Just think about all the lovely things you can do with your little girl now you’re not going to be rinsed for expensive presents from your family. As a single parent they should never have had those expectations of you- they should have been wanting you to prioritise your child.

I hope you have a wonderful time in Disney and absolutely do not cave one little bit (don’t let them host in your house without you there!). Calling your nursery is outrageous behaviour and that is what you have to cling onto when they come crawling back.

OP I just want to say I think you are amazing. People so rarely stick up for themselves and follow through with boundaries and not only have you done that, but you’ve still been kind throughout as well. You deserve a fantastic Christmas!

Well done OP, they sound like grabby, manipulative locusts. I would avoid telling them any information about your trip, even what you've written would be too much for me. They sound malicious and even though I don't know what exactly they could do to try and ruin for you (without a booking number, if you get my drift) there are other things they can do.... and quite frankly I would even give the impression of going to a different "European" Disney for example.

Well it wouldn't be to drop off a fabulous present, sadly!

Oh yes, and one of them might be seriously ill/in hospital/bad health news the day before you go. It’s a classic manoeuvre when all else has failed. Just be breezy wish them well, send some cheap flowers if you must and keep going!

You have this thread for support if there are wobbles. I used to imagine my dc being abused the same way I was that should stiffen the resolve.

I would like to say they will learn from this Christmas and treat you with some respect going forward, but that wasn’t my experience. A low contact arrangement is probably going to protect your dd going forward if you want any contact at all. But for now enjoy a fun and frivolous Christmas with little dd.
Well done for having such a strong backbone. It’s one day they will be fine, they are adults!

I would switch your phone off until early evening or they might kill the fun and happiness otherwise.

You have done amazingly well.

Don’t think your DSis was going to take the gifts?

I think you need to breathe and think about you and your DD your family are adults and can fend for themselves. You do not owe them chrisrmases.

I know we don’t give to receive but I alway match someone’s gift so they don’t feel pressured.

Remember that next year - and stick to a secrets Santa and buy on gift for the same value. No need to be extravagant- you can always treat them in the year.