Cancelling Christmas Pt 2 - Updates

[Grinch123]

Hi all,

Know the last thread here filled up very quickly and there were so many wonderful and supportive comments that got me through a very tough 24 hours! Thank you if you contributed, it meant a lot 🙂

Starting a part 2 to provide updates/vent, (and take any Disney planning advice 😂) as a few people have asked and also I know I'll need more support over the next few weeks as it's been tough! If you want to stick around on this thread, I'd appreciate it.

Updates from yesterday:

Dropped off all Christmassy foods/stocking fillers etc at our local Foodbank. Couldn't get through to anyone at the charity that supports refuges - I'm in the office today but have emailed a nearby school to see if they want the bits to raffle off at their fayre this weekend.

Locks are changed! Thought this was a bit of an overreaction but DSis tried to come over again last night (we weren't in) so I guess not.

Told DD about Disney, she's ridiculously excited and I think young enough she doesn't realise this = missing out on a 'family' Christmas. Also bought festive Minnie PJs and Christmas ears online.

Family are being a nightmare. I have messages from all of them on pretty much any site you can message a person on (WhatsApp/messenger/texts/loads of missed calls) - everything from begging/emotional manipulation, to being told to F off (by a parent!) for screwing up Christmas because I like to use my money to control everyone and play with peoples feelings 😅 Also messages from mutual friends checking in because siblings have told them I've 'lost the plot' ~ and a concerned call from DDs nursery, evidently one of them has called the nursery worried about my mental health and asked if they could check in?! Thankfully the nursery haven't shared any info with them at all (they don't do any pick ups etc) but it was a painful conversation to have!

I've disassociated with it and messaged them all, once, along the lines of 'life is really busy at the moment, will look forward to catching up when we get back but I do need some space.' I think it's been a scales dropping from my eyes moment, because I'm sure lots of this would've worked on me in the past, but now it's just making me mad 😬

There obviously are people living in poverty through no fault of their own but I would bet there are far more living in what they consider to be poverty as a result of their own decisions.

For me, it's been interesting to read about navigating difficult family dynamics. Christmas can be a tricky time for many. I think that it's great OP stood up to her family. Their ingratitude and selfishness got them to this point.

May I suggest you proactively reporting the abuse and blackmail you are taking atm to the police. I am aware no law was broken by them and it is just for the purposes of getting your version on the record. This way if there are false claims later on you can refer the authorities to your previous report.
They will try and ruin your trip for sure, by trying the social services to block you from travelling with the child at least till they fact check all the claims - which may make you miss your travel date.
You are bullied, put under stress and to be fair your reputation at work may be impacted by false claims, these things tend to stick.

Hope you both enjoy your holiday. I have never been so proud of a stranger in my life.x

Yeah, I already know you thought that. Don't you think the amount of adulation being heaped on the OP is a bit weird though? A bit out of proportion to what she's done?

Wow @Grinch123 they have some nerve trying the ‘lost the plot’ approach. And contacting the childcare! It’s they who’ve been controlling.

I have to say, I wouldn’t tell them you are going away but only because I wouldn’t trust them notmto try and break in. As for your cheeky sister ‘surprise’ you indeed. Unbelievable.

Please don't worry about social service involvement. Even if they do get called and decide to investigate, they will very quickly realise its a malicious report, which they do get all the time.

Have an amazing time at Disney!

Of course a nursery wouldn’t take the random phone call off a stranger with no confirmed relationship to the child in their care, and escalate to social services when they have zero concerns for the child and mother they see daily. It’s totally unfounded, why on earth would they waste social services time on a single rambling phonecall with no basis in reality.

You're doing well OP and I'm sorry this is happening to you.

As a previous poster said, given the allegation of you using money to control them, now is a good time to draw a line in the sand as you wouldn't want your financial help to be misconstrued further

Okay this has me worried that they've called social services after talking to me 😬 I'm hoping the fact they've seen no difference in DDs/my recent behaviour, and that I explained some of what's going on would be enough.

To be fair, if they do call social services it's not like I have anything to hide (it'll just be embarrassing!) but I think the messages I have from family are enough of a trail to show they're the ones out of sorts.

The nursery would be following procedure. Before any call to Social services, nursery's or schools have to call parents and talk to them about it, unless they feel the child is in immediate danger.

But they haven’t made a formal report have they? They’ve called nursery, not provided any evidence of their relationship to the child or OP (again, for all nursery knew it’s a random stranger making a prank call) and not given any evidence of any actual “breakdown” or cause for concern and as such and nursery have dismissed it and NOT filed a report because they clearly find it unfounded and not a legitimate concern? Otherwise they wouldn’t have informed OP about said phone call of they were indeed reporting her.

The arrogance of those on mumsnet is indeed staggering…

It’s not a report of anything of substance. They see op every day and talk to her every day, clearly they can see with their own eyes that she is fit and well.

If they had concerns then that would be different. Op is clearly of sound mind, her child is clearly well cared for. They don’t need to do anything about malicious calls beyond making op aware so she is able to take her own action. There are legal routes op could take if she was minded to.

I think they may well have called social services but based off the two phone calls, they'd want to put your side of it too. Tbh I'd think they should do, but whether anything comes of it is anyone's guess, Social Services may decide no further action without contacting you. They're damned if they do and damned if they don't really.

@Grinch123 I think you are amazing, your family are ungrateful cf's, and I hope you and DD have a fantastic holiday.

But… given that you said you don’t think they are being malicious, perhaps they really just don’t get it and have no idea why you are behaving as you (rightly) are. All they are thinking about is their own feelings. So I would make it very clear how you have been feeling.

I would send a message along the lines of: "Dear family, I love you all but I could not carry on with Christmas as usual feeling the way I do. I have been made very unhappy by the way you all seem to take it for granted that because I have more money than you (money which I work very hard for), you are entitled to share it. I have spent thousands of £ (which I could be saving for DD) trying to make you all happy for years and everyone just seemed to take it for granted and assume it was my responsibility to get you all whatever you wanted. It was the final straw when I realised this year that none of you even wanted to give me a token gift. I wasn’t wanting anything expensive, just some sign that there was any appreciation of what I do and have done for you all in the past.

So I have decided to do Christmas differently with DD this year. I am perfectly well and rational, and am extremely annoyed that someone phoned DD's nursery to hint otherwise. Please never do anything like that again.

I hope you all have your own enjoyable Christmas and New Year. See you next year."

Sorry OP, that ended up longer than I intended and I’m sure you can compose a better message. But I just think they need to be told very clearly, and be made to realise that you have feelings too.