Cancelling Christmas Pt 2 - Updates

[Grinch123]

Hi all,

Know the last thread here filled up very quickly and there were so many wonderful and supportive comments that got me through a very tough 24 hours! Thank you if you contributed, it meant a lot 🙂

Starting a part 2 to provide updates/vent, (and take any Disney planning advice 😂) as a few people have asked and also I know I'll need more support over the next few weeks as it's been tough! If you want to stick around on this thread, I'd appreciate it.

Updates from yesterday:

Dropped off all Christmassy foods/stocking fillers etc at our local Foodbank. Couldn't get through to anyone at the charity that supports refuges - I'm in the office today but have emailed a nearby school to see if they want the bits to raffle off at their fayre this weekend.

Locks are changed! Thought this was a bit of an overreaction but DSis tried to come over again last night (we weren't in) so I guess not.

Told DD about Disney, she's ridiculously excited and I think young enough she doesn't realise this = missing out on a 'family' Christmas. Also bought festive Minnie PJs and Christmas ears online.

Family are being a nightmare. I have messages from all of them on pretty much any site you can message a person on (WhatsApp/messenger/texts/loads of missed calls) - everything from begging/emotional manipulation, to being told to F off (by a parent!) for screwing up Christmas because I like to use my money to control everyone and play with peoples feelings 😅 Also messages from mutual friends checking in because siblings have told them I've 'lost the plot' ~ and a concerned call from DDs nursery, evidently one of them has called the nursery worried about my mental health and asked if they could check in?! Thankfully the nursery haven't shared any info with them at all (they don't do any pick ups etc) but it was a painful conversation to have!

I've disassociated with it and messaged them all, once, along the lines of 'life is really busy at the moment, will look forward to catching up when we get back but I do need some space.' I think it's been a scales dropping from my eyes moment, because I'm sure lots of this would've worked on me in the past, but now it's just making me mad 😬

I hope you have a wonderful time at Disney and don't even think about the crap that's going on at home!
I can't believe they rang your DD's nursery, that really is beyond the pale.

I'm waiting for this! 'Stress' and resulting illnesses have been used to try and get what they want for a while. Rarely connected to Christmas, but definitely to borrow money when I don't agree with what they plan to spend it on (so don't lend any) etc. Hoping if I'm ready for it, I'll feel less guilty fucking off to Disney whilst there are health concerns afoot 😬

Honestly, I wouldn't. Don't play games. They'll find out and say 'Oh, we have to keep checking up on you because you told lies and we were worried, what if there was an emergency...'.

Anything you give them, they will turn against you - they will weaponise every form of contact or information (and do I need to say, don't put anything on social media?)

There are no illnesses, just some galloping cases of greed.

Just wanted to say thank you for all the replies - haven't replied to everything, but definitely reading it all!

Well done!!! You are doing the right thing ❤️

I hope the OP has referred the Nursery staff to her first post on here!

Clearly this situation goes well beyond Christmas op. It sounds like you are have been subsidising them for years. Thank goodness you are putting in boundaries now, your dd could have ended up with nothing for an inheritance.

It’s really important as she gets older not to sugar coat what they are like, dd should not be trusting them either. Family or not.

This is the most classic case of FAFO I’ve ever come across.

On Christmas Day in Florida if you do feel yourself feeling a bit lonely/emotional I recommend swinging into a Jewish deli or Chinese takeaway for lunch. Joyous experience.

It's been amazing to read this thread and see you make strong decisions that will bring you and your DD stability and growth. Wishing you both the very best for a happy and healthy new start in 2025 OP

I would assume no paternal involvement, otherwise OP wouldn’t have been able to book a last minute holiday over the festive season surely?

You've saved my life OP. I was boiling with rage reading your first thread and close to having a heart attack - then you put the brakes on and saved me - and yourself!

Thank you!

Well done on having the courage to take action!! Have the best time at Disney! I’ve come to the startling realisation that I am you too - I’ve been bending over backwards to make Christmas for ingrates who couldn’t give a shit. I am too much of a coward to do anything about it :(

Obviously they could fit everyone in somewhere at a pinch, but it's easier (for them) to do it at mine. Also I tend to go all out with the food/snacks/alcohol/takeaways, and I know they won't be able to afford that without me.

They can't afford it because they have wasted the opportunities to get on, they think the OP's been lucky and she has, the harder one works the luckier one gets.

@Jagoda and @Bumcake sorry missed this one - no paternal involvement (thank god - for me at least - enough drama as is 😂) and he's not on the birth certificate etc so I'm ok on that front at least!

But ruined your knickers from the sound of things.

This is wild. The fucking audacity of the scroungers.
You were buying such expensive gifts for the kids as well, that only parents tend ti buy. Now the parents have got to step up and buy expensive stuff or just stuff they can afford and they’re fuming.
Well done OP, on making a good life for yourself, your well paid job, your beautiful daughter and amazing Christmas and holiday you’re about to have. You don’t need any clingers. No more loans, cash gifts. What they give you, give back in spades - nothing!

This is why everyone loves this thread. It justifies attitudes about your own affluence and other people's poverty.

OP I think you’ve been very brave, I’m amazed that you’ve been so generous for so long.

So in awe of you!

I didn't have time to comment on your last thread before it filled up, but it was very relatable for me how you tried to make your family into the one you wanted, including by buying presents for your DD and saying they were from family members. Trying to fill up all the cracks other people had left.

Yours is an extreme example, but I realize I've done this myself in other circumstances. It's not a bad thing that you wanted everything to be right, especially for your DD, but it's very healthy that you're now letting everyone sleep in the beds they make for themselves, and concentrating on fulfilling your own responsibilities to yourself and your DD, and not everyone else's.

After them calling the nursery and trying to get you in trouble, I would never want to bother with them again and leave them in the gutter where they belong.
I’d be tempted to send them a message to stop harassing you. Then if they continue you can go to the police. They sound extremely ungrateful and unhinged. I’d block them all.

Wow!

Well done. I’m so glad you changed your locks, one doesn’t wish for the worst to happen but it’s best to guard against it. Which is why I am so happy you’ll send a stronger text telling them to back off because calling your child’s nursery was BAD!!! Social services will be there next stop.

I also agree with a previous poster that you need to start seeing their actions as malicious. You’ve gotten into a habit of justifying bad behaviour as not coming from a bad place. Imagine a friend said to you that a their parent had told them to F off and it wasn’t the first time they did that. They’ve made you accept abominable treatment. If you continue to accept it, one day they’ll treat your kid like that too. Your child deserves better because frankly you deserve better too.

Sorry your old family are pants. Disney will be a great memory for your real family, you and your child.

Agreed!! It’s like the boiling frog where you’ve slowly been boiled alive. It’s because they’ve treated her so badly for such a long time that it’s gotten to this stage. I think it’s just amazing she’s pushing back at all as it’s a thought cycle to break!!

Depending on the OP's relationship with her neighbours, I would also tell them about what's been going on and if they see anyone trying to access her home to call the police who are aware of the situation.
In messaging the Dreadfuls I would tell them that the police are aware of the situation.