AIBU to be having nightmares over friends visit?

[Allinarow48]

Having nightmares over old friends visit.

One of my closest friends is coming to visit over Christmas, after 10 years living abroad with only ocassional visits I should be excited but I’m actually terrified.

I was best mates with “Jane” since we were kids, we lived together during college and were absolutely inseparable. We really, really loved each other for years and went through a lot together. She is also good friends with my DH and my DD loves her.

During her time abroad she has met a lovely man, had a beautiful son (age 2) and started her own business.

She’s always suffered badly with depression and anxiety and her mental health has been fragile. Although in her new country she found some excellent therapists who really helped her. However lately she seems to be spiralling .

It started during Covid, I think she got very deep into social media. She’s always been very politically active and since she had her son the plight of children in Gaza has been a huge focus for her.

She’s always been very vehemently anti Israel since I’ve known her (We’re Irish and that’s very normal here).

She began to post pro-Hamas stuff just after the 7/11 attacks on Israel and immediately shared Hamas videos of the attacks ( the murder of Israelis and desecration of corpses etc.) With added commentary “This is beautiful to me.” “This is how freedom is gained.” Etc. A lot of Irish people are still quite pro-IRA and once again the support of Hamas isn’t that unusual but actually sharing the videos was extreme.

She then started posting videos of dead Gazan children pretty much continuously. Due to the time difference I can see most of her posting is done at night. I think she posts while feeding her son. Videos accompanied by “This is me.” “This is my son.” “I am Palestine.” kind of stuff. She said in one post that her ability to care for her son has been affected by the secondary trauma of what happening in Gaza.

Then recently she began to go from “Death to Israel” to “Death to the Jews.” She posted in Arabic and I translated it. It was an insta story and then disappeared. And since then she’s pretty much transitioned from anti-Israel to Anti-western and fairly drastic Antisemetic stuff “They didn’t gas enough of you” that kind of thing.

Then she went on to say recently that anyone who doesn’t agree with her should kill themselves or be killed and burn in hell etc…

Now here’s the thing: I’m Jewish, non practicing, I have relatives in Israel and lost a friend to the Hamas attacks. I’m disgusted by the Israeli government at the moment and have a lot of sympathy for the Gazan people but I don’t hate the Israeli people either. I am actually quite middle of the road politically.

Being Irish, Jewishness is is not something I have ever advertised and I’m actually not sure I’ve I ever told her. If she’s aware and doesn’t care or has forgotten and doesn’t mind me seeing her posts.

My mistake is that I never responded to any of her posts and never argued with her. She seems to think we’re totally cool. So she contacted me wanting to see me over Christmas for a day or 2.

I’ve been having nightmares about it. I’m scared I’ll say something or do something that upsets her and she freaks out, or something I do or don’t say triggers her mental heath problems and she hurts herself. I also feel bad that my dishonesty caused this situation. If I has said something last year she would probably have ditched me and never wanted to see me again.

I would like some advice on how to proceed.

I didn't say majority I said "A lot." which is absolutely true where I'm from.

There is a vast difference between old and provisional IRA and very few people support the latter and although some might talk about the original days of seeking irish independence in the 20's, most people in this country are happy to be past the wars, and chaos that lost lives and absolutely devastated the North of Ireland. Maybe in your area, there's a bunch of ira sympathisers but my parents also lived through the troubles and I like you was around in the tail end of it and the sympathy does lie with the IRA anymore.

I suggest you concentrate on your actual post and not engage or inflame this incorrect statement any longer.

All the Irish people on this thread have disagreed with you.

I wouldn't be friends with someone describing torture, rape and murder as 'beautiful'. I'd be telling them to get to fuck. Mental health issues be damned. (I've had my own share of that and I still think this woman is extreme.)

Before anyone starts I hate what the Israeli government are doing as well. The loss of life is an off the scale tragedy.

I get this @Allinarow48 , I live in Scotland and this is quite common here, what with the Celtic and all. Quite the divide in the community.

Frankly, sad as it is, I’d not see her.

The other weird thing is 50% of posters replying “yes that sounds a bit extreme. Maybe gently tell her you don’t want to discuss politics and meet her in a garden centre”

I’m Irish and I agree with the basic principles of ira ideals ,which are that Ireland should be a 32 county country and it shouldn’t be part of England.i don’t agree with the bombing etc but I think op means the basic principle not the violence.lots of people I know think the same and everyone knows some rebel songs.

The vast majority of Irish are pro Palestinian as they share a similar history of invasion and loss of rights by another. They always have been. So Yes, Most Irish people support the Palestinians and are against Israel.

In your situation OP I’d just shut down conversation about anything you find uncomfortable.
Perhaps arrange an activity to divert the conversation, if possible.

You're right. It's so sad.

hope you have some Jewish and nonJewish friends to support you regarding this matter. In Germany one would go to jail for those remarks.

That is not what she means.

Not what pro IRA means

If you’re up for it meet her for coffee, which can be as short as 45 minutes - 1 hour or a quick lunch. If you think your dd will hear any of her extreme views go alone or with your husband and leave dd with gps.
If you don’t want to meet up with her and prefer a fade out, I’m sure you could go down with Covid just before her visit.

What you are is oversensitive to any perception of criticism. I am aware she's an outlier but she's not that much of an outlier. Have you been to any Palestine protests recently? I have. Did you grow up in rural Ireland in the 90s? I did.

Good grief, she sounds awful, not to mention unhinged!

There is no way I would be meeting up with someone with those extreme views.

In defense of OP, she clearly moves in very lefty middle class circles - probably too young to have been directly impacted by the Troubles - and there have been a lot of these types from Ireland vehemently supporting Palestine (some to the point of cheering Hamas as freedom fighters and being anti-Semites), and glorifying the IRA on social media. It might not be common in the general population, but it is in this specific sub group.

Because leftists live in echo chambers and forcefully shut down other opinions, they tend to erroneously assume their views are the majority rather than realising they are a minority. Remember the Twitter meltdowns about Trump's "unexpected" win in 2016? It's a similar lack of perspective.

I don't think this is deliberate anti-Irishness, just giving perspective for why she's not immediately disowning her murderous anti-Semite friend.

Absolutely agree the principles still stand and I don’t know a single person who doesn’t support them.
Many others will have heard some songs probably without knowing it too.
The beautiful song Grace for example sung by not only well
known Irish rebel bands but also Rod Stewart. ( although his version isn’t great 🥴)

Where are you from and how old are you? I get the feeling a lot of young city folk are assuming the rest of the country is just like them.

What's there to understand?

Agree with you OP on this score
Im from Derry ( born in the 60s)
Family in Tipperary and
Westmeath as well.

Why TF would you advise OP to meet this person for a coffee? If OP was black and the racist friend was espousing views that black people weren’t as clever as white people and should all be enslaved, would you advise meeting for coffee??

I don’t have much to contribute to your thread OP, but just wanted to echo that this is my experience of Ireland too, as an Irish person. Not in north Kerry. my Irish husband, from another part of Ireland would have also had the exact same experience.

If people don't know much about north Kerry, even if they are from Ireland, they won't understand the stronghold there in terms of what is long entrenched IRA support - this is an area that since the civil war had really active divides on pro and anti treaty and saw huge fighting since back in the 20s, over the years it has changed obviously with strong Sinn Fein support (especially with support for Ferris) but this is the area where Casement was landing arms for the uprising when he was caught for treason and it's never lost a lot of that background. It is not openly talked about, but it is not far beneath the surface, and I've often heard it after a pint or two, or a singsong or often just some older folk who don't bt feel the need to hide their views. I don't think I've met many people more supportive of the IRA than I have in north Kerry and I've lived all over. It's not the point of the thread but the original poster is giving quite a true representation of this region, and a lot of Irish people from other parts of the country will have no experience of that. North Kerry has a lot more going on than the lovely girls competition. I could name several families where I know there are members and they don't hide it.

The OP said many people support the IRA. This is very different to many Irish people wanting a united Ireland.
As an aside I am from ROI and would not like a united Ireland at this point.

I don't think I can ignore the stuff she's said.