AIBU to be having nightmares over friends visit?

[Allinarow48]

Having nightmares over old friends visit.

One of my closest friends is coming to visit over Christmas, after 10 years living abroad with only ocassional visits I should be excited but I’m actually terrified.

I was best mates with “Jane” since we were kids, we lived together during college and were absolutely inseparable. We really, really loved each other for years and went through a lot together. She is also good friends with my DH and my DD loves her.

During her time abroad she has met a lovely man, had a beautiful son (age 2) and started her own business.

She’s always suffered badly with depression and anxiety and her mental health has been fragile. Although in her new country she found some excellent therapists who really helped her. However lately she seems to be spiralling .

It started during Covid, I think she got very deep into social media. She’s always been very politically active and since she had her son the plight of children in Gaza has been a huge focus for her.

She’s always been very vehemently anti Israel since I’ve known her (We’re Irish and that’s very normal here).

She began to post pro-Hamas stuff just after the 7/11 attacks on Israel and immediately shared Hamas videos of the attacks ( the murder of Israelis and desecration of corpses etc.) With added commentary “This is beautiful to me.” “This is how freedom is gained.” Etc. A lot of Irish people are still quite pro-IRA and once again the support of Hamas isn’t that unusual but actually sharing the videos was extreme.

She then started posting videos of dead Gazan children pretty much continuously. Due to the time difference I can see most of her posting is done at night. I think she posts while feeding her son. Videos accompanied by “This is me.” “This is my son.” “I am Palestine.” kind of stuff. She said in one post that her ability to care for her son has been affected by the secondary trauma of what happening in Gaza.

Then recently she began to go from “Death to Israel” to “Death to the Jews.” She posted in Arabic and I translated it. It was an insta story and then disappeared. And since then she’s pretty much transitioned from anti-Israel to Anti-western and fairly drastic Antisemetic stuff “They didn’t gas enough of you” that kind of thing.

Then she went on to say recently that anyone who doesn’t agree with her should kill themselves or be killed and burn in hell etc…

Now here’s the thing: I’m Jewish, non practicing, I have relatives in Israel and lost a friend to the Hamas attacks. I’m disgusted by the Israeli government at the moment and have a lot of sympathy for the Gazan people but I don’t hate the Israeli people either. I am actually quite middle of the road politically.

Being Irish, Jewishness is is not something I have ever advertised and I’m actually not sure I’ve I ever told her. If she’s aware and doesn’t care or has forgotten and doesn’t mind me seeing her posts.

My mistake is that I never responded to any of her posts and never argued with her. She seems to think we’re totally cool. So she contacted me wanting to see me over Christmas for a day or 2.

I’ve been having nightmares about it. I’m scared I’ll say something or do something that upsets her and she freaks out, or something I do or don’t say triggers her mental heath problems and she hurts herself. I also feel bad that my dishonesty caused this situation. If I has said something last year she would probably have ditched me and never wanted to see me again.

I would like some advice on how to proceed.

He's obviously Irish 😂

@ACatNamedRobin said…that’s her experience
She didn’t say all of Ireland ….. nor make generalisations.

People have different, but valid, experiences to share here. There’s nothing wrong with that.

“southern Ireland”

Seriously?!

Why are you listening to @ACatNamedRobin and not all the Irish posters on here?

Who’ve lived here far longer and are better placed to judge from the inside out. Who know what’s going on and are less likely to be swayed by foreign publications.

Is it possible you’re biased maybe?

Why do you think Israel is hitting out at Ireland, one of its harshest critics?
Surveys have shown time and again that we aren’t more anti-semitic than Europe as a whole.

For heavens sake think about it. Look up the surveys etc. Ones from unbiased sources please!

Yes, as I said upthread there are dickheads and stupid people everywhere and there will be incidents in Ireland unfortunately like those described upthread, but this really feels like a smear campaign now.

So The Times of Israel and The Jewish News reckon we're anti-semetic, big surprise there, has there been any anti semitic attacks in Ireland? Not that I can recall, plenty of them in Australia and Europe though..

One can. In future it might be better to have your facts straight before you do so 😉

Oh I see. Be careful with your words then as anti-Israel will come across as anti-Zionist.

Are you also anti-Hamas? Do you make you’re you say that when you also say anti-Israel?

As a fellow Jew, living in a time of increased antisemitism, be very mindful of the language you use.

I too don’t agree with the war atrocities that have happened to innocent people in Gaza and Israel. I wish Hamas had never triggered it by slaughtering hundreds of innocent Israelis and I wish Israel responded with less loss to innocent lives.

its very difficult defending a tiny country when surrounded by opposition though. If they don’t stand tall, they risk a quick fall. I don’t agree with the loss of life, but I also think they don’t have many viable options when attacked.

It is entirely possibly to be racist against ones own people.

You are Irish writing sweeping untrue statements on a UK website painting "a lot" of Irish people as IRA supporters. That's utterly shocking to me and hugely harmful to Irish people.

Unfortunately racism and anti-Semitism are everywhere and the latter is widely reported to be on the rise everywhere on the moment. It is not a problem unique to Ireland.

Irish people's supported for Gaza at present is not (apart from the usual minority) linked to the IRA.

Yes, it is a smear campaign, that’s why people are commenting because there’s so much ignorance and hypocrisy on this thread, why other posters can’t understand, this is divisive, prejudiced, but according to op she/he is Irish, so that’s acceptable to critique her own people!
Her friend’s views are wrong, it’s worrying that other posters, can’t also see that op’s sweeping generalisations are wrong too.
One poster telling people to look in the mirror, because people dare disagree with op’s views to clarify the people disagreeing with op’s views are not condoning her friend’s extreme views.

Yes I'm talking about the north but I guess that's a debate in itself as to who op is referring to when she says Irish living in Ireland as there's plenty of people living in the North who would feel they are part of that demographic! That's a debate in itself isn't it!

I understand your fear but many people don't believe the Irish Slimes. There have been stories written by their journalists which have been completely fabricated by that said paper. Kitty Holland has lost all credibility for ex.
I don't believe that story. I've been to Flannerys. It's a busy good natured place. 3 people out of the blue decided to attack this anonymous person because of a necklace? And everyone knows everyone in Ireland. Interesting how this unnamed 'person' is an American who nobody knows. Convenient. Nobody can verify this odd story so i choose not to believe it. The gardaí turned up a few mins later? The gardaí are never bear when you need them.

The media in Ireland can be very corrupt. Some ppl also call it the Anti-Irish Times.

I assume the OP wouldn't describe Jewish people as easily offended and selfish (and rightly so) but yet somehow thinks it's ok to apply this to Irish people.

Not only that, but she is posting on a UK website a country where the IRA carried out significant terrorist attacks which many if not most people living today can clearly remember, and where many Irish people suffered discrimination as a result.

My father was from the North and lived in London around the time/shortly after the IRA carried out it's worst attacks.

At no point in his life did he ever support the IRA, he attended peace rallies in the North and hated the whole conflict.

People are not "easily offended" OP, when they object to the phrase "a lot" of Irish people support the IRA.

I remember Omagh OP, my family lived just down the road and we were in Omagh the week before. The number of people killed is burned into my brain as is the woman who was pregnant with twins.

You do not get to ascribe IRA support to "a lot" of Irish people and then dismiss it as selfish when you get a reaction.

I went to Ascot a few years ago, a man approached my attractive friend and when he heard she was Irish said "uggg" or something similar. Thanks for giving people like him material.

FML whats wrong with you cancel the trip RIGHT NOW!!

Even if it's just that she needs real psychological help, you don;t want her in your house?!?!

The Irish Times is fake news. Sure. Which publication do you prefer?

Just because you don't want to believe it.

It's easy to encounter only friendly people and have only positive experiences when you aren't a minority people want to beat up.

Have you decided how you're going to deal with your "friend" @Allinarow48?

Definitely not going to meet her. Not sure if I'll confront her or not yet.

I believe the Irish Times.

But the point is that anti-Jewish sentiment is not widespread in Ireland, or more of an issue than it is elsewhere.

Dickheads who will beat people up exist everywhere. I think it's been reported that attacks against Jewish people are on the rise worldwide.

There are also people who confuse support for the people of Gaza are being pro-Hamas, and people who ascribe the actions of Israel to all Jewish people and therefore think there is somehow a justification to attack Jewish people, or they were looking for an excuse.

I don't think the Irish Times is fake news. And I am sure the attack did happen.
But an attack on a Jewish person would not be commonplace in Ireland.
Very few people in Ireland are currently pro IRA, pro Hamas or anti Jews.

I know of a well known politician who paid people to come out and protest against him. He contacted the media to show up, and this 'protest' was published in the media. It's total bullshit, and I dont take The Irish Times seriously anymore.

Yeah, she said Irish and obviously lots of Irish in NI.
But she’s from Kerry and I think she’s speaking about attitudes in her local area mainly, although she doesn’t explain that at first.

What she is saying isn’t actually true for ROI as a whole (and I’m next door in rural Cork!) so I think it’s doubtful she can speak for people in NI whose experience has been quite different.

Who was it? Why do you belive that? You must have read about it somewhere? Which is your go-to news source?

This is the crux of it. It isn't common to be attacked as a Jewish person in Ireland. The Jewish population is tiny for starters but in all the many years I've lived here I have never seen nor heard of an attack on a person for being Jewish specifically.

Teaching the Holocaust was a significant part of the secondary school history programme.

I have been aware for quite some time well before October 7 that there is a small but not insignificant group of people supporting Palestine and it was something I associated with Republicanism.

I woudn't go on a pro-Palestine march myself as I don't personally agree with "From the River to the Sea" and I'm not personally anti-Zionist. But I don't think the majority of people who go on them support the IRA, or would ever attack a Jewish person. They simply want the current suffering in Gaza to end.

There is an increasing amount of attacks on immigrants in Ireland, and as far as I am aware on Jewish people world wide.

It was a People Before Profit politician. A friend of mine is an acquaintance of him.

I don't base my reality on sensationalist media. I base my reality on what I see with my own two eyes, and visible evidence. This is what I know:

I am active on Irish media. Some people are sympathetic to the Palestinian cause but i have never seen anyone post the extreme views you claim to have seen. It just doesn't happen. This makes me question your reality.

My mother is from Kerry. I have about fifty 1st cousins. They have no more interest in the IRA than the man on the moon. That is untrue slander.

Gosh. I do not support what Israel have done as its way over the top to make the whole country pay. That said - I am not anti semite and if you actively call on violence of a people as a whole then you are the worst type of person.
I'd tell her that you'd love to see her but her comments online have exceeded boundaries of disagreeing with the atrocities that Israel have committed and become antisemitic. You are Jewish and while you also disagree with what Israel is doing - she's including you in this group. That's not acceptable in your eyes so you'll have to respectably decline her visit as she's making you feel unsafe. There's no difference between you, her friend, and any other Jewish person she wished harm on in her posts.

YABU for not calling her out for her anti semitism.