Impatient train woman

[Bigtom]

I regularly commute on a train for around an hour each way. There are no reserved seats. I have a type of arthritis that makes sitting (or standing!) quite uncomfortable so I try to get one of the limited seats with extra leg room.

I walked the length of the train to find one today and the only one was a window seat with someone already sitting in the aisle. I duly asked the lady in the aisle if it was free and she said yes and stood up. I then took off my coat and got my coffee cup out of my bag and put my bag and coat in the overhead rack. While I did this a bit of a queue of people built up.

When I sat down, the lady muttered “take your time why don’t you”. AIBU to think she was very rude and should sit on the window seat if she doesn’t want to move? When I said that, she responded that I was keeping other people waiting!

She’s not being impatient, she’s suggesting a solution that means everyone suffers the least inconvenience. And remember that people on the train didn’t know there was a disability. There are badges you can wear to indicate this.

So what was she supposed to do, hold on to the coffee whilst folding her coat and putting it away? Logic, people.

Your bag wouldn't be in the way if it was under your seat. If you had gone for that option, you could have sat down and then got your coffee out, minimising disruption quite significantly.

Again, RTFT, this has already been discussed at length.

I agree the ignorance is astounding, I’m shocked people with a disability or mobility needs just assume they’re the only one struggling and therefore there’s no need to show consideration to others as well.

Leave it in her bag, deal with her coat, sit down, get coffee out, put bag under seat. Logic.

As has already been discussed, move out of the way to let others past and then return to the seat she wanted and unpack everything she needs.

What was the solution? For a disabled person to be uncomfortable throughout her journey so as not inconvenience able bodied people?

Why should able bodied people be able to put their coats away in the facility made available for it but disabled people shouldn't avail of it?

What has been discussed? What kind of answer is that?

If she moved away, someone else would take the seat.

The availability of seats and the fact that there was loads available. OP wanted a specific one which is obviously fine, but the suggestion is to let others past so they can sit down/sort themselves out before blocking the aisle to arrange your things.

I’m not saying anything like that.
OP could have taken her coat off a few minutes later .

Again, already discussed and highly unlikely, but even if it did happen, I’m sure the OP can use her words and say “excuse me would you mind swapping seats with me as I need one with extra legroom”.

But she'd have to get up again? And ask aisle person to get up again?

Getting up once you've sat down is not easy for many people.

You really think someone would get up for OP? Look at the lack of empathy on this thread.

Mumsnet is full of threads where people have sat in other people's reserved seats.

OP was absolutely right to prioritise herself.

Er yes, it’s part of the basic social contract in this country. People should give up seats where needed for people with mobility issues. In return people with mobility issues should do their best to minimise disruption for others where possible. Just because you have mobility issues doesn’t give you carte blanche to just do whatever you want with no regard for others who may also have needs.

I’m heavily pregnant, I would expect someone to give up their seat for me. I would not expect multiple people to stand around waiting for me to make myself at home.

That might of seemed like 30sec to you but to do all that with your stated issues probably took a lot longer
also if the train was filling up from the other end they more than likely missed getting a seat waiting for you

What people SHOULD do is very different to what people ACTUALLY do.

Why should OP rely on strangers to be kind when she can just take the seat herself?

First it only took 2 seconds then it only took 30 seconds. Why was a queue building up in that case? Clearly you were creating a hold up long enough to irritate other people. With kindness OP, and I say this as someone with a degenerative disease of the spine which slows me down considerably on public transport - nobody on public transport cares about your hot flushes or arthritis. They just want to sit down and get to work. The harsh reality is that not everything revolves around your hot flushes. Not everyone is going to want to wait around for you to finish faffing about either. The commuter world is dog eating dog and just doesn't operate on 'be kind' unfortunately.

At the expense of everyone else.

She may have been a little rude in saying so, but you were no better. You faffed around long enough to cause an.actual queue to build up. It's not all about you.

By that logic why should anyone do anything to help others. On the one hand you seem to want people to accommodate people with disabilities (absolutely fine), but believe those with disabilities should be free to do whatever they want and not consider other people. Bizarre!

I have never seen anyone refuse to move for a person with a disability, it must be very very rare and I can guarantee someone in the carriage would have accommodated her.

This is what I'm taking from this, even as someone who has had multiple surgeries for a degenerative disease of the spine who has had to stand up on entire journeys because nobody would offer me a seat - it does come over like OP thinks it's all about her.

I haven't said OP should be free to whatever she wants. But she should be able to take care of her basic needs without being badmouthed.

I have never seen anyone refuse to move for a person with a disability, it must be very very rare and I can guarantee someone in the carriage would have accommodated her.

You're being ridiculous, you can't guarantee that. This comment just reveals the utter lack of understanding of the needs of disabled people. You can't leave things to chance or rely on strangers.

Just because you are willing to suffer doesn't mean OP should.

I would have said "I will. Thanks!!" Breezy smile. But then I'm a passive aggressive bitch. I also have arthritis so can sympathise.💐

You’re coming at this from the perspective that you need whatever accommodations to be comfortable on the journey due to your health conditions. The other woman has no idea about any of this and just saw you faffing about and holding other people up.

You feel justified in how you acted, and think she was rude for how she spoke to you. She thinks you were rude for holding up other people and said something to you about it.

You need to let this one go. You were both rude in different ways.

(And don’t reply to this going on about your health condition and why you can’t possibly have a bag on your lap for two mins to let other people past before moving it - that is unfortunately your cross to bear and not others problem, including the train people!)