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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

150 quid a head for a leaving do?

226 replies

Anycrispsleft · 10/12/2024 11:35

We have a colleague from our team of about 10 who is leaving for another job. He's been there for years - I think it was his first job out of uni. Usually when someone leaves we have a collection in the whole department and people chip in about 5 or 10 euro and they get a present, and we go out for a meal with them and pay their meal but it's like maybe 30 quid a head.

Now I've just been invited to a group chat where two of my colleagues have come up with an idea for the leaving do to go to a local Michelin starred restaurant and have the tasting and wine tasting menu there for 150 euro a head. Our boss agreed, and then they shared the chat with the rest of us, including an apprentice, a placement student and one of our colleagues who's on a much lower pay grade and has got young kids.

There's no bloody way I'm forking out 150 quid for to sit and eat dinner with my colleagues - christ, for DH's 50th we didn't spend that much - but I'm wondering if I should try and word my reply in a sort of "have you really thought this through" sort of way in case some of our colleagues are going to feel pressured into saying yes?

OP posts:
RosieLeaf · 10/12/2024 11:37

‘Can’t make this, sorry.’

Leave the group chat.

Once one person does this, others follow.

gamerchick · 10/12/2024 11:39

Absolutely no. Tell them not and you'll be having a whip round as usual and leave the chat.

Ridiculous to suggest that in December especially.

EsmeSusanOgg · 10/12/2024 11:39

As per first comment, but perhaps put 'sorry, €150 a head is too steep for me. Hope you have a good time.'

Then others feeling the pinch (there will be others) can say the same!

Snorlaxo · 10/12/2024 11:39

I think that once somebody says they can’t make it and leaves the chat then others will be relieved and do the same.

FoxtonFoxton · 10/12/2024 11:40

RosieLeaf · 10/12/2024 11:37

‘Can’t make this, sorry.’

Leave the group chat.

Once one person does this, others follow.

Agree with this.

Buy colleague a card/small gift if you are close. I wouldn't bother getting involved in the planning, it will figure itself out when nobody goes.

ARichtGoodDram · 10/12/2024 11:40

I would just say “sorry, £150 a head places aren’t in my budget for this kind of thing. Enjoy your night.”

toucheee · 10/12/2024 11:41

Yes, please say no publicly (reply to all on email) and help stop this madness.

DreamW3aver · 10/12/2024 11:42

ARichtGoodDram · 10/12/2024 11:40

I would just say “sorry, £150 a head places aren’t in my budget for this kind of thing. Enjoy your night.”

Do that and you'll probably find that others then say the same, I don't suppose you're the only one thinking it's ridiculous

Comefromaway · 10/12/2024 11:42

I'm in a privileged position at work of being pretty well paid and not feeling self conscious about what I can afford so I think I would take a stand for those who are not in the fortunate position and say, sorry I am not able to justify that cost at this time etc.

Anycrispsleft · 10/12/2024 11:44

Comefromaway · 10/12/2024 11:42

I'm in a privileged position at work of being pretty well paid and not feeling self conscious about what I can afford so I think I would take a stand for those who are not in the fortunate position and say, sorry I am not able to justify that cost at this time etc.

That's exactly what I was thinking - I'm probably among the higher earners in our group so less of a red face for me in saying no.

OP posts:
AmusedPearlLeader · 10/12/2024 11:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Enough4me · 10/12/2024 11:45

Say it's too much as you have other commitments but you're happy to contribute to the leaving gift.

itwilltakeaslongasittakes · 10/12/2024 11:46

"company's paying, right? 😊"

toucheee · 10/12/2024 11:47

Anycrispsleft · 10/12/2024 11:44

That's exactly what I was thinking - I'm probably among the higher earners in our group so less of a red face for me in saying no.

I think there will be a few people very grateful to you.

CitiesInDust · 10/12/2024 11:47

I would worry that the person leaving would feel bad people had spent so much/few people attended so I probably would say something about whether it might be nice to have something a bit more accessible for everyone and most of the team able to make it.

Anycrispsleft · 10/12/2024 11:49

Right I've sent it. "That's a bit too expensive for me so I won't be coming but I hope you all have a nice time" - normally I would not be so blunt and would prevaricate and tie myself in knots but hopefully that's just blunt enough without being rude.

150 quid! Some people, bloody hell. I mean we do OK, I always think we're pretty well off, but I would never think to drop 150 quid on anything short of a birthday or anniversary that ends with a zero.

OP posts:
WickedlyCharmed · 10/12/2024 11:49

I would definitely say “that’s way out of my budget sorry, have a great evening. Let me know if anyone’s going for a drink in the pub on his last day”.

HotCrossBunplease · 10/12/2024 11:50

Not the point of your post but do people really say “Quid” when talking about sums in Euro? I thought it was pretty universally understood to mean GBP.

Are you in Ireland OP?

PromoJoJo · 10/12/2024 11:51

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

xILikeJamx · 10/12/2024 11:53

Leaving dos are supposed to be £1 drinks in the crappest Wetherspoons in town on a Thursday night. A £150 meal is outrageous

SweetBaklava · 10/12/2024 11:53

F**king hell!!! We just get an email with a link to one of those online gift donations pots - contribute if you like, don't if you don't want to. Person leaving will usually have a gathering either at the office at lunchtime or drinks after work. But no Michelin star dinner 😂

MereDintofPandiculation · 10/12/2024 11:53

Anycrispsleft · 10/12/2024 11:49

Right I've sent it. "That's a bit too expensive for me so I won't be coming but I hope you all have a nice time" - normally I would not be so blunt and would prevaricate and tie myself in knots but hopefully that's just blunt enough without being rude.

150 quid! Some people, bloody hell. I mean we do OK, I always think we're pretty well off, but I would never think to drop 150 quid on anything short of a birthday or anniversary that ends with a zero.

Glad you said “too expensive” - that’s what gives the option for others to think about whether they really want to go. Just saying “sorry, I can’t” wouldn’t have done the job

Everlygreen · 10/12/2024 11:54

This is madness, I would spend this amount but on my family. Not a work leaving do!
Be the first to decline before everyone else so that doesn't leave you feeling you have to go.

louderthan · 10/12/2024 11:54

£150 on a leaving do in the run up to Christmas! Madness. What is your boss thinking agreeing to that as a good idea??
You've done the right thing OP and hopefully others will now feel comfortable to say the same.

SuzieNine · 10/12/2024 11:54

HotCrossBunplease · 10/12/2024 11:50

Not the point of your post but do people really say “Quid” when talking about sums in Euro? I thought it was pretty universally understood to mean GBP.

Are you in Ireland OP?

Quid is used as slang for euro in Ireland (as it was for the pound before that).