150 quid a head for a leaving do?

[Anycrispsleft]

We have a colleague from our team of about 10 who is leaving for another job. He's been there for years - I think it was his first job out of uni. Usually when someone leaves we have a collection in the whole department and people chip in about 5 or 10 euro and they get a present, and we go out for a meal with them and pay their meal but it's like maybe 30 quid a head.

Now I've just been invited to a group chat where two of my colleagues have come up with an idea for the leaving do to go to a local Michelin starred restaurant and have the tasting and wine tasting menu there for 150 euro a head. Our boss agreed, and then they shared the chat with the rest of us, including an apprentice, a placement student and one of our colleagues who's on a much lower pay grade and has got young kids.

There's no bloody way I'm forking out 150 quid for to sit and eat dinner with my colleagues - christ, for DH's 50th we didn't spend that much - but I'm wondering if I should try and word my reply in a sort of "have you really thought this through" sort of way in case some of our colleagues are going to feel pressured into saying yes?

Because he’s 20 with no responsibilities.
Hardly hit puberty yet and he’s already needing a wellness break for feeling ‘burnt out’. He needs to get a grip.
Snowflake generation.

But regardless if that's the case, how a colleague chooses to spend their time away from work is absolutely nobody else's business. Getting away from a break is great and shouldn't be looked down upon. Is it lacking resilience to have a holiday or just to call it a 'wellness break'? Would it be ok to do this at 30 but not in your 20s?

I'm glad you said no as a precedent for the others. I'm still sore about the leaving do I went to in a new job that cost me €100 quid for pasta and a glass of wine. Split bill and treating the leaver. That was at Christmas time too. Did they not think!

I was speculating as to whether (as pps have suggested) the idea of the high price was to exclude people they don't want to come, or whether they just didn't give much thought to whether 150 euro was a lot for some people. I agree it's maybe a bit unfair to suggest that any childless 20 year old is incapable of experiencing burnout. But I do think that having the money at that age to have a second holiday in a luxury wellness resort suggests the kind of background where you would not necessarily have had the experience of being short of money that would lead you to being sensitive to the possibility that others may be short of money.

It won't just be 150 euros tho as the price of alcohol will likely be extortionate then the lower paid young ones who don't have the balls to say no and decide they just won't drink will then be told will we just split the bill and may not have the confidence to say no. It's a ridiculous leaving do.

no it does not for all you know that person lived off pot noodle for like 2 months to afford that holiday.
you do not know people's spending habits what bills they have etc. it could have been a present either or anything
Do not make a smirky judgemental comment about it

This scenario is screaming for one person to do this before 90% of attendees follow suit.

I mean... I work with the guy so I know this isn't the case. He lives up the road from me, he talks about his weekends.
Really that post about the wellness break, I wasn't trying to be nasty, like I was very gently taking the piss, but the thrust of my argument was "he's probably not suggested this dinner to exclude anyone, he's just a bit naive about how much other people can afford". He's not being nasty and neither am I!

I think you should do more than just say "no thanks"
I think you should send something like

"There are many people in the Department for whom 150 is their entire WEEK'S food budget. I appreciate that it's affordable for some senior people but it is insensitive and inappropriate to make anyone feel there is any expectation to join such an extravagant event. I will not be attending but will contribute an amount of my own choosing to a leaving gift."

That's completely ridiculous.

I hope you do this, OP. It really is so out of touch.

What do you mean, they get £100 per employee for a xmas do?

Yep add prep, transport, pre drinks etc and it’s going to be another £60 to £100 on top of that, I’ve been to lots of leaving dos, the best by far have been where you go to the local pub, people buy their own drinks and have a kitty for the guest of honour and some funny gifts. That way people can come and go, old ex colleagues and mates can be aware and drop by etc

Unless the company is chipping in due to how long he's been there just say no.

Dh's leaving do is fully funded by the company so staff just have to fund taxis and/or a hotel if they want to stay over (many seem to prefer this to paying for taxis) seems odd to have to pay for more than a gift

From what you've said about some other colleagues' earnings and your position, this does not sound inclusive. It's also in danger of setting a precedent. If you are comfortable with it, I'd make it clear why you are not attending.

YANBU, just say that you can’t attend, hope everyone enjoys the evening. Then leave the group chat.

That’s ridiculous!

Yes I think you could definitely get the point in about it being too expensive, I’d say “this sounds lovely but at €150 each that’s far too expensive for me, I’d have been up for a nice pub tea and a few drinks but this is a bit excessive! Have a good time all.”

Most likely they are referring to the annual tax-free amount companies can spend on staff parties although that is now £150 ( www.gov.uk/expenses-benefits-social-functions-parties/whats-exempt )

For a single adult, it may well be close to (once you’ve paid for drinks and service) an entire month!

How do you know what the company get for employees for Christmas parties, when you don’t even know what country she lives in? And why would the company get £100 if they are in a € country?

That sounds mad. What's also mad is very junior staff accepting the invite. Do they know it's self funded? I would think most private sector employers would fund a leaving do to an extent, even with a couple hundred behind the bar.
I'm pretty sure barely anyone would choose this, unless your company pays even it's junior staff 100k plus a year.
So I would be declining.
Does the leaver want this restaurant? I guess if he chose it specifically for whatever reason then he'll accept hardly anyone will be able to afford to attend.

Woefully lacking in consideration for the majority of staff - or was that the point - as they didn't want or think the majority would want to go.

Or just plain ignorant?

aha! thanks