Sick of ignorant people re my religion

[Loisep]

I’m married to a Dane. We met in London at university. We have a great relationship but the ignorance from his friends, family and acquaintances is almost too much to handle.

I am half Indian and was loosely raised Sikh. I think the UK does quite well in comparison to other countries re education on religion. Most Brits do not naturally assume I am Muslim.

That is not the case when I am in Denmark. God forbid I have a beer with new people. “Oh is that not halal?” Blah blah. I end up feeling guilty saying no I’m not Muslim all the time. Like I am distancing myself. I knew there would cultural differences but I never expected such ignorance. So many people think brown people = Arab (in Europe).

Dh wants to move back home and I would if it wasn’t for this extreme ignorance. I worry for future kids.

Am I the one with a chip on my shoulder? Should I just accept that people from other countries have been exposed to different cultural groups? Ie not had an Indian diaspora

I met a rather ignorant Irish/australian woman living in the US recently. She had an interesting attitude to immigrants (ie people of colour, not herself) and confidently told me that our prime minister was Muslim. I don’t know Denmark well, but suspect the problem is widespread.

This this this.

And on another matter Im just remembering all the times I have been mistaking for an american when I was very overweight, several countries around the world.

So people will make assumptions based on what they think they know, its not particularly unusual.

Agreed, it's a different and more direct culture. I quite like directness. I'm so fed up of people expecting other cultures to conform to what they want from them. I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me if I was Christian. I would just say, no, I'm not, I wouldn't get in a twist about it because a lot of white people are Christian so I get that another culture may make this assumption.

The issue is should the OP not move to Denmark due to questions about her being a Muslim, and would this have a knock on effect on her kids. This is a world problem and not just for Denmark, my point is that in terms of being mistaken for a Muslim, the consequences would appear to be minor compared to elsewhere.

The fact that we are mistaken for Muslims is compounded by the fact that we both speak a similar language, eat the same food, are supposed to avoid alcohol, and have similar physical features for both the men and the women.

Pakistan itself was prior partition, the Sikh homeland, where Muslims and Sikhs had lived side by side for centuries. Many Sikhs hail from families that were Muslim and then converted over the last 500 years. We are a hardy bunch, but have taken the issues that have come our way with grace and humour.

I get asked the same question in the UK all the time , a polite 'no Im Sikh' is that is required, it really does not take long and I have never felt offended by it.

So, should the OP worry about polite questions as to whether she is a Muslim, and should she worry about her kids, who will be 1/4 Sikh and probably show little of their ethnicity with regards to moving to Denmark?

Yes, I think that question is a non issue.

Would you have been as bothered if they’d assumed you were Hindu?

Most Asian people have a religion, either one that follow devoutly or one they align to culturally, if not particularly spiritually, it can be difficult to tell which just from looking at people who come from the same place. I’ve had some fascinating conversations with colleagues and friends about their religion and their culture - it’s a learning experience and I hope I’ve never offended anyone but I’m not Asian, or religious in any way so I have inevitably got things wrong, but being inquisitive is a good, it’s how people learn.

Every Danish person I’ve met has been nosy, direct and a bit sharp, it’s just how they are..or how we perceive them!

It's so interesting that the people up in arms about the ignorance of Danes asking questions about religion are ignorant about the culture of Denmark and their natural directness and comfort in asking questions. Only one type of ignorance is allowed apparently.

Have you been taught enough not to offend Japanese people in general? Their customs are very specific. Or is the only way of offending them that matters the one that offends you? I guarantee you don't know enough not to offend them without realising it. But you don't care, it's just about using them as an example to justify your offense.

It's completely ridiculous to expect all other cultures to bow at our feet and change who they are or 'get taught RE in school' so they don't offend a person visiting their OWN country. The level of entitlement on this thread is high. I suggest you don't move there, if this is your attitude to direct people you will be offended on a daily basis where no offense was meant.

But I’m guessing white people (let’s say British in for this example) won’t get asked this in Denmark

So if religion is not a thing in a region…let it not be a thing.

I understood your point and agree 👍

My new neighbor is from Bosnia. I asked her so Many questions 😂 she is muslim - wouldnt have a clue if i didnt ask if she was religious. I had no clue what religions is from there, but if i did know, i Would have asked if she was that particular religion.

Ok, let's tell all the people in Denmark what they are or are not allowed to ask in their own country. Their directness is only appropriate when it is approved by someone else. In a majority white country they may assume that a white British person was of the same religion (or non religion) as them and not ask. In fact, all white British people should be offended that they have any silent assumptions made about their religion and get annoyed about not getting asked. You can force your tiptoeing on cultures that don't tiptoe around people who are different to their norm.

No o meant Koolaid. It’s an adopted phrase.

Can you tell me about some of African religions? Where do they hold their worship services?

Yes, but when it comes to India and the partition etc… it’s a lot closer isn’t it?

Except they DO care enough to pass comment on how she lives her life. If they didn't care, they'd just be "ah, nice beer! Cheers!"

And what is the point?

A lot closer to what?

I'm still not buying this 'culture of direct questions' as an excuse for casual racism.

The thing is, this sort of thoughtless assumption and 'direct questioning' was the norm in the U.K. not so long ago. Decent people have mostly moved on a bit and moderate their natural curiosity by having some basic consideration for the feelings of the person they're questioning or might be making assumptions about.

Regardless of anyones opinion, if that’s the way it is in Denmark then you’ll need to decide whether or not it’s going to drive you mad correcting people all the time?
Of course it’s annoying that people make assumptions like that. Will it drive you mad?
I have spent 30 years living in England and saying ‘ no actually I’m…’ but it’s something I have come to accept and I feel like at least I’m changing perceptions bit by bit in some way.

But it’s not reasonable to expect strangers to know - or care - what religion you were born into whether you’re Danish or not, to be honest

That's the OPs point! wtf are they bringing up religion just because she's brown?

Does the same go for Geography or History? So no need to teach about say volcanoes in the UK education system because we don't have them. No need to teach about any wars we weren't involved in. Perhaps we can write off foreign authors too

Fuck me. English people really do skip straight from 1066 to Henry 8th to Queen Vic to WW2 and stop there in history lessons don’t they!
Britains colonial history stretches right into the 1900s, partition of India was 1947 - there are plenty of people
alive who remember it.

I would have thought in 2024 people would be accepting of the cultural differences between countries and the way they communicate. But hey, as long as you are only being judgmental and condemning a nation online rather than to their faces that's ok. I think the Danish would prefer you didn't hide behind your fake politeness and were honest with them.

Because she wants to visit Denmark!

Why would the Danes have to research & understand OPs culture to make it easier for her to visit if she's not willing to learn about Denmark s history & it's peoples culture.

I lived in Denmark for more than a decade. Religion is a surprisingly integral part of the culture, despite a relatively small minority people going to church regularly. I chose to opt out of the church tax, and I had some less than pleasant comments about it.

Unfortunately, being a small country, there is a huge amount of racism in Denmark. It's not the image that the rest of the world has of the country because in so many ways it's socially forward-thinking and community-minded. But I found it more racist than the UK overall.