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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I a horrible person?

159 replies

sunset3000 · 08/12/2024 23:06

Please don't come on here to just bash me verbally!

I'm 38, single and my 20 year old son lives with me. I've been single for about 6/7 years and I like it that way, I don't enjoy relationships as I've never had a good one.
I think I'm a kind, caring, thoughtful, helpful and just generally nice person.
In the last 6/7 years the only relationship of sorts that I've had is a friends with benefits kind, the problem is both men had partners, one of the fwb situation went on for 3.5 years the other around 9/10 months. I only ever like taken men and I was driving earlier and thought, I consider myself a very nice person but does this actually make me a horrible person, I don't know either of the men's partners and both have remained secrets. I know nobody is perfect but I feel like o don't really like myself for it at the moment.
I'm not asking for anyone to tell me what I've done is fine or tell me I'm evil, just maybe some possible reasons I might be like this and if it does make me horrible?

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 11/12/2024 21:34

If you only shag men who are taken, then you are not a nice person op. Sorry to say it. If you know someone is in a relationship then they are off limits and you are as bad as them if the two of you are getting it on behind some innocent woman’s back. Get some therapy, raise your bar, maybe just stay single for a bit!

Firefly1987 · 12/12/2024 00:11

@Skyrainlight I wouldn't be the OW either but that's beside the point. If your best friend left her husband because he was a bit boring and useless would you have the same disdain for her? You'd probably congratulate her, that's the hypocrisy. The result is the same-a broken family and hurt kids, just no OW to place all the blame on.

Heidi2018 · 12/12/2024 10:23

Firefly1987 · 12/12/2024 00:11

@Skyrainlight I wouldn't be the OW either but that's beside the point. If your best friend left her husband because he was a bit boring and useless would you have the same disdain for her? You'd probably congratulate her, that's the hypocrisy. The result is the same-a broken family and hurt kids, just no OW to place all the blame on.

Disagree! Children aren't stupid. They can feel the effects of an unhappy home. If one partner is useless, chances are high there are arguments, unhappiness and eventually a lack of love! Nobody wants to be brought up in a home like that!!!
With affairs, sometimes the partner being cheated on is blindsided because there is still "love" in the relationship, and happiness, and their family life seems good!

DaughterofZion · 12/12/2024 13:52

Respectfully, You have low self esteem and you don’t love yourself to think you deserve your own person. Seek therapy.

BrucieBru · 12/12/2024 13:54

Vile behaviour!

Summerlovin24 · 12/12/2024 14:03

Haven't read all the replies but my response to original post is this. I was treated like a pile of dog poop by several men. I did have 2 very short lived things with attached men. I wouldn't do it now but looking back my barriers were up. I didn't want to be hurt anymore and felt I knew where I stood with them. Ie no relationship possible. I wouldn't do it again and I'm not proud of it, only telling 1 friend as I knew I would be judged. I wouldn't have a long term thing with married man. Wrong if he is seeing u and leaving wife with all childcare as that happened to me.
Maybe you are scared to be hurt and this is your way now controlling it

CosyLemur · 12/12/2024 14:12

No you're not a horrible person. I was watching an episode of Dr Phil on you tube and there's lots of women and men like you.
They probably feel like safe relationships too you because you know from the start there's no longevity to it so you won't get hurt when it doesn't work out.
That's not saying what you're doing it right; maybe try get some counselling to sort through why you either consciously or unconsciously don't want a committed relationship.

ScarfsAndHats · 12/12/2024 14:16

It sounds like you have attachment issues /a fear of attachment. You like taken men because you know they are only out for sex and don’t want a relationship. The problem is that this arrangement is hurting other people (the wife, the children, their family…). I would advice you to work with a therapist to find out why you only want sex or the chase, without any relationship. I would also advice you to avoid taken men, look for free men and be clear that all you want is a regular hook up. There is nothing wrong with that if you’re both ok with that. But don’t do stuff that you know hurts other people. That is just horrible

josa · 12/12/2024 14:20

I don’t agree with messing around with a man that has a partner, whether that’s dating him, having sex or both. I wouldn’t want it done to me so would not do this to another lady. I wouldn’t want you as my friend if this is acceptable behaviour to you. Our values would not align

TiredMummma · 12/12/2024 14:34

The only thing that makes you horrible is when you say 'you only like taken men' - that suggests you seek them out which implies you seduce them. The men are perfectly at fault for their part, but you need to be accountable for yourself and your attitude. Even men who reject you, you would still be causing harm by pursuing it in the first place.

I think the recommendation for therapy is the right one, you are certainly not a nice or decent person. Nice or decent people don't even think about this.

SunnySideUK77 · 12/12/2024 15:11

I think 2 things:

  1. Avoidant attachment with the dating people you won’t end up with long term
  2. It makes you feel even more desired that you are being chosen

You are not an evil person. You just use really crumby methods to get your needs met. Do some work on yourself and release yourself from this pattern. That way you will know you are a decent person doing their best to improve yourself and are no longer at risk of hurting others.

ECN73 · 12/12/2024 15:43

I don’t think you’re horrible. I firmly believe when a man cheats it’s on him and he’s the asshole. Some women are horrible and get their kicks out of stealing other women’s partners and they actively want this. This doesn’t sound like you. You sound more like someone who has been hurt and you are only prepared to invest a small amount emotionally into a relationship - married men make that decision easier.

I do think life has a lot more to offer and you are depriving yourself of the fullness of a happy safe relationship. It would be worth having some therapy to explore these issues. Life is too short for just friends with benefits, married or not.

Lavenderblossoms · 12/12/2024 15:47

Look at emotionally unavailable men online.

You like them because you can keep them far away enough not to run way from you or let you down. Look at your parents when you were growing up.

My friend was abandoned by her mother as a kid and her father died young. She doesn't believe she is worth anything and that no one will stick around. She also gets crushes on unavailable men. She doesn't act on them but it's always someone she can't have fully herself in one way or another.

She's not a horrible person either.

I really think seeking counselling would be a good idea to unravel this. The fact that you are questioning it shows you aren't a horrible person.

Good luck to you.

SnowLeopard5 · 12/12/2024 15:54

Yes you're a horrible person. That was easy

74Violette · 12/12/2024 16:06

You'll get a lot of hate on here but no I don't think you're a horrible person. At worse, selfish but not a 'bad' person and I don't think your preference for attached men negates any kindness in you.

You like the advantages of non-committing relationships where they can't get too close and too much in your space. Whether you think you need to delve deeper into that with therapy is up to you.

Petrasings · 12/12/2024 16:31

Low self esteem and low self worth. You feel undeserving of a decent happy relationship. Therapy is the only option here.

TwistedWonder · 12/12/2024 16:35

You’re a selfish person who doesn’t give a shit about who gets hurt as long as you get your orgasms.

The fact you’re attracted to lying cheating scummy men says a lot about your standards

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 12/12/2024 16:37

"Does it make me horrible"

Well, it doesn't make you nice now does it?

Devon23 · 12/12/2024 17:25

Yes is the answer to the question and not only are supporting men to cheat on women you're destroying your own faith and trust in any future relationship you might have. Karma will serve her dish hot!

Emmz1510 · 12/12/2024 17:25

It sounds like you have low self esteem and a fear of commitment. Due to previous bad relationships you probably feel afraid of being hurt therefore only go for men who you know aren’t able to commit. And/or you feel you don’t deserve better.
Were you ever cheated on or did you have a parent who either cheated or was cheated on? Because you might be subconsciously punishing all women because of your own hurt feelings, or have a negative self view and be trying to make sense of/understand the behaviour of someone who cheated and caused you to be hurt.
Or perhaps you get a sexual kink out of the ‘forbidden’.
Do some self reflection and think about whether any of this could be true for you.
The behaviour is very wrong, selfish and you don’t seem to have even considered the potential impact on the person being cheated on.

TicklishMintDuck · 12/12/2024 18:30

I don’t think you’re necessarily a horrible person, but you do need to take a look at your behaviour. This is not a FWB situation; you are essentially a home wrecker.

Arlanymor · 12/12/2024 18:31

SunnySideUK77 · 12/12/2024 15:11

I think 2 things:

  1. Avoidant attachment with the dating people you won’t end up with long term
  2. It makes you feel even more desired that you are being chosen

You are not an evil person. You just use really crumby methods to get your needs met. Do some work on yourself and release yourself from this pattern. That way you will know you are a decent person doing their best to improve yourself and are no longer at risk of hurting others.

100% this.

mumofamudmagnet · 12/12/2024 19:00

sunset3000 · 08/12/2024 23:06

Please don't come on here to just bash me verbally!

I'm 38, single and my 20 year old son lives with me. I've been single for about 6/7 years and I like it that way, I don't enjoy relationships as I've never had a good one.
I think I'm a kind, caring, thoughtful, helpful and just generally nice person.
In the last 6/7 years the only relationship of sorts that I've had is a friends with benefits kind, the problem is both men had partners, one of the fwb situation went on for 3.5 years the other around 9/10 months. I only ever like taken men and I was driving earlier and thought, I consider myself a very nice person but does this actually make me a horrible person, I don't know either of the men's partners and both have remained secrets. I know nobody is perfect but I feel like o don't really like myself for it at the moment.
I'm not asking for anyone to tell me what I've done is fine or tell me I'm evil, just maybe some possible reasons I might be like this and if it does make me horrible?

I wonder if you do this because you had such shitty relationships and fear commitment because you don't want to be hurt again.

However, as someone whose partner had an affair for 5 months with a woman who knew we were in a relationship this is a really crappy thing to do. I can't even begin to tell you how much this hurt me and how I've struggled to ever get over that. It has affected the way I trust anyone and made me reluctant to have any relationship through fear of being hurt in that way ever again. It destroyed my family. My home and my trust in men.

I'm saying that, I would never have a fwb who was in a relationship because I wouldn't want another woman to hurt the way I did.

Fwb is fine. Married/spoken for men should absolutely be off limits for anyone with any morals.

What you did was pretty sh*y, but you can't change that now. It was selfish and a way of meeting your own needs without a care for how that impacts anyone else. You say you have an adult child, but did these men have families with children? In actual fact my adult son was just as upset as my young children.

But what you can do is work out why you did it and never do it again. Start now at least, and work on you.

Matadorr · 12/12/2024 19:54

It doesn't make you very nice. You're selfish and uncaring about people not close to you - a lot of us are in various ways, it doesn't make us horrible people through and through. There isn't one person here who is 'just a nice person' without any unpleasant aspects to them, or their behaviour. Whether or not they're shagging men in relationships.

I completely understand why these mens partners harbour a lot of anger to the other woman - sexual jealousy is very real, competition for a mate that is valued etc - it all makes very logical sense. That being said, I struggle with the idea that it's up to the morals of another woman, to keep someone's man from cheating on her and causing a load of pain and anguish, and essentially, override the morals of the man with a partner and/or family. If your mans a cheater, he's a cheater, regardless who with, and most people would never know he was selfish and (in the eyes of the wife) immoral in this manner, unless another woman was willing to engage with him in some way. Ignorance is bliss, it seems.

What you're doing makes logical sense for you, it just isn't very moral in todays society, and you'll gain a lot of enemies this way. I hate to say it, hence the name change, but there's a reason why so many women and men are willing to engage with a person committed to someone else, and it doesn't always boil down to low self esteem at all. It can be the case in some circumstances, certainly, but actually it's often just a case of decompartmentalising and doing what suits you.

For women who don't want a man who is going to try and tie her down, wants the positive aspects to a relationship without all the bullshit of it, firing out his offspring, picking his minging socks off the floor, nagging him to do basic shit he should be doing, then an attached man does indeed, unfortunately, make logical sense. A great number of them treat their affair partners very well, financially, romantically, emotionally, acts of service etc, often to the point of treating them better in these ways, than the wife. Is it socially right of him? Nah, absolutely not. But plenty of people are quite happy to have these positive aspects, and it suits them fine because they don't want to deal with the negatives.

There's a reason for this. Most wives prefer to label the other woman as insecure with low self esteem, it makes her feel better.

cassy16 · 12/12/2024 20:11

If you knowingly get with a taken man, then yes of course you are a horrible person but your not the only one the men your with are too.

anyway your redeemable in the sense you can clearly see your wrong and don’t like the feeling