Page 5 | DP's mum pointed out lack of acknowledgement - feeling embarrassed and uncared for

stormyscotts · 2024-12-07T16:09:51+00:00

I’ve been with my partner for 18 months, and moved in with him 3 months ago. He has a little girl from a previous relationship who is 6. I met her and her mum together at the beginning of this year and have been in her life quite a bit since then. Partner asks me sometimes to look after her if he is working which I don’t mind doing as she is lovely. Her mum has dropped her off this morning to us and partner left to do his hobby at 12pm, got back at 3pm. DPs mum is currently staying with us as she is experiencing some problems with her house, so as DP came in, I was sitting in the room with her and my dps little girl. He came in, said hi to his little girl and his mum but not to me. He sat next to me but didn’t acknowledge me at all. I thought I was just being sensitive but it did surprise me. Then DPs mum said “aren’t you going to say hello to stormyscotts?” He said in a joking way “hiiiii stormyscotts”. DPs mum looked awkward and I felt embarrassed, but had to keep playing with DPs little girl. He then came up to me about 10 mins after and asked for a hug. Aibu that this is rude? I have been looking after his daughter, speaking with his mum and I just feel taken for granted, don’t expect much but some acknowledgement might be nice.

Daleksatemyshed · 07/12/2024 19:55

@CheeryPlum it's OK, I wasn't meaning it that way, not at all. You thought they were being mean, but they weren't, they'd seen it before and tried to warn you.

brentwoods · 07/12/2024 20:04

Drop him and keep the relationship with his mum. ;) She's the one who actually cares about you and how you are treated.

DarkDarkNight · 07/12/2024 20:06

It doesn’t matter if you ‘don’t mind’ looking after his child, that’s not the point. This soon into a relationship are you just expected to be the childcare? Does he do the hobby every time his child is there?

I would make myself unavailable next time. Have brunch or a shopping trip planned. If he was single presumably he wouldn’t be able to spend 3 hours out of the house on the weekend when he has a child to look after, or would he
is mum come over and do it? His attitude may tell you all you need to know.

itsmylife7 · 07/12/2024 20:07

Glad his Mum noticed and said something.

why is he doing a hobby instead of spending all the limited time he has with her.

IsawwhatIsaw · 07/12/2024 20:08

He doesn’t live with his DD and he doesn’t want to spend time with her.
And now she will go home and tell her mum that you were looking after her instead.
He’s a lazy selfish man and he’s using you.

Clarabella77 · 07/12/2024 20:22

Piffle11 · 07/12/2024 16:42

You were doing him a favour by looking after his child. He didn’t have to work, he was doing his hobby.

Does he often put his hobby before spending time with his child?

Three months in? Blimey. Get rid.

This. It wasn't ideal behaviour but as a one off he simply prioritised saying hello to the people who were visiting. Thoughtless not malicious.

BustyLaRoux · 07/12/2024 20:24

Hatty65 · 07/12/2024 16:13

Dump and run.

You've lived with him 3 months and he's already treating you like unpaid childcare.

What type of arsehole goes off to do a hobby for 3 hours leaving his gf and his mum looking after his 6 yo DD? She was there for contact with her dad - not to be treated like an unwanted parcel by him. Clearly he sees women as less important than him and his fun time.

He's not a keeper.

First post nailed it and all that…

Original poster

stormyscotts · 08/12/2024 10:33

he usually would have taken his little girl to the hobby or left with his mum. He doesn’t usually go for 3 hours, not sure why he was there so long. He has daughter 1 week, then 1 week at mums, etc.

you’re all right about him leaving his daughter with me though, of course she’s not here to see me and would prefer to spend time with her dad.

he knows I’m still upset about it it but I’ve not mentioned again. I’m planning on going to see my friend tomorrow until Christmas Eve so will have time to think properly

OP posts:

Saschka · 08/12/2024 10:52

I’m horrified he’s leaving his six year old with some random girl he met a few weeks ago.

The fact his DD is fine with being dumped on a stranger tells me that she is regularly left with whoever this prince happens to be fucking, with no concern whatsoever from her dad about the safety or happiness of his child. I have a seven year old and he would be deeply unsettled at being left with a complete stranger, because it never fucking happens to him.

Your partner is a shit parent, and if I was his ex I’d be going back to court to get contact varied to stop him leaving our child with a parade of fucking randoms.

Pompeyssy · 08/12/2024 10:58

stormyscotts · 08/12/2024 10:33

he usually would have taken his little girl to the hobby or left with his mum. He doesn’t usually go for 3 hours, not sure why he was there so long. He has daughter 1 week, then 1 week at mums, etc.

you’re all right about him leaving his daughter with me though, of course she’s not here to see me and would prefer to spend time with her dad.

he knows I’m still upset about it it but I’ve not mentioned again. I’m planning on going to see my friend tomorrow until Christmas Eve so will have time to think properly

Make arrangements to move out.
This is not a good one.

You will bitterly regret it if you move on from this and stay.
He's a loser.

MrsPeterHarris · 08/12/2024 11:09

Hatty65 · 07/12/2024 16:13

Dump and run.

You've lived with him 3 months and he's already treating you like unpaid childcare.

What type of arsehole goes off to do a hobby for 3 hours leaving his gf and his mum looking after his 6 yo DD? She was there for contact with her dad - not to be treated like an unwanted parcel by him. Clearly he sees women as less important than him and his fun time.

He's not a keeper.

First response nailed it!

Original poster

stormyscotts · 08/12/2024 11:23

Saschka · 08/12/2024 10:52

I’m horrified he’s leaving his six year old with some random girl he met a few weeks ago.

The fact his DD is fine with being dumped on a stranger tells me that she is regularly left with whoever this prince happens to be fucking, with no concern whatsoever from her dad about the safety or happiness of his child. I have a seven year old and he would be deeply unsettled at being left with a complete stranger, because it never fucking happens to him.

Your partner is a shit parent, and if I was his ex I’d be going back to court to get contact varied to stop him leaving our child with a parade of fucking randoms.

I’ve been with him for nearly 2 years, met his little girl in January

OP posts:

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 08/12/2024 11:28

OP why don't you do what a previous poster has suggested and tell him you are not available for babysitting going forward. See what his response is...it will tell you whether he simply sees you as an available resource or not.

zingally · 08/12/2024 11:37

His own mother can see he's a waste of space.

3 months in and he's already using you for free childcare while he swans off to do his hobby.
His DD is there for contact time with HIM. Not an afternoon with daddy's girlfriend. I'm sure you're lovely and she had a nice time, but poor kid must be getting some very mixed messages.

Gaz98 · 08/12/2024 12:05

Saschka · 08/12/2024 10:52

I’m horrified he’s leaving his six year old with some random girl he met a few weeks ago.

The fact his DD is fine with being dumped on a stranger tells me that she is regularly left with whoever this prince happens to be fucking, with no concern whatsoever from her dad about the safety or happiness of his child. I have a seven year old and he would be deeply unsettled at being left with a complete stranger, because it never fucking happens to him.

Your partner is a shit parent, and if I was his ex I’d be going back to court to get contact varied to stop him leaving our child with a parade of fucking randoms.

I’m horrified by your aggression 🤶

helpplease01 · 08/12/2024 17:38

No unreasonable. It’s disrespectful and weird behaviour. I’d would invite him to have a conversation about it. And don’t feel gas lit if he throws it back to you. Otherwise… it a massive red flag.
good luck

pineapplesundae · 08/12/2024 18:15

I think in his mind, you’re in a different place of honor and didn’t require a shoutout as noted by his sitting beside you. Don’t overthink it, in this particular case bf is fine.

OhcantthInkofaname · 08/12/2024 18:37

I think you got a jewel of a future MIL there. She understands the situation. Some men think it's the normal female role to care for children without acknowledgment. She is on your side. I can't help but believe she sees the care you provide to her grandchild. Give it some time.

WhiteJasmin · 08/12/2024 18:47

18 months is not a long time together for someone with a child to be moving in with a partner (at 15 months). Your DP could still be putting on his best behaviour and now after 3 months of moving in together his mask started slipping. His mother is calling him out because probably that's how he treated his ex.

Sillyname63 · 08/12/2024 20:32

Well at least his mum noticed his bad manners and called him out, I bet she will have a few words to say to him while you are away. If you do decide to stay, I think you need to set some basic ground rules about being appreciative of your input with his family.
Just wondering did he stay out longer because he knows you are going away till Xmas eve, is he annoyed about this so is punishing you psychologically?

restingbitchface30 · 08/12/2024 20:50

You’re very lucky his mum has your back. She seems great. However that was shitty of him. I would take this one on the chin but explain how hurtful it was. If it became a pattern I’d be considering if it’s the relationship for me.

Franjipanl8r · 08/12/2024 21:19

Good relationships just aren’t this difficult.

ObieJoyful · 08/12/2024 23:24

stormyscotts · 07/12/2024 16:34

I don’t mind looking after his little girl, she is lovely and easy to look after. It’s the lack of appreciation or basic respect. When someone else points it out it just feels horrible. There’s been times when he’s moody and quiet but never outright ignorant of me. He now will make it a big deal that I’m offended

You don’t mind, but that’s not the point. His daughter is there for contact with him.

Moody isn’t a great feature in a man. It’s not going to get any better, is it?

BlueFlowers5 · 09/12/2024 04:19

He should be parenting. Not you babysitting.

Codlingmoths · 09/12/2024 05:44

stormyscotts · 07/12/2024 16:34

I don’t mind looking after his little girl, she is lovely and easy to look after. It’s the lack of appreciation or basic respect. When someone else points it out it just feels horrible. There’s been times when he’s moody and quiet but never outright ignorant of me. He now will make it a big deal that I’m offended

Do not back down here and let him make it your problem that you’re upset. ‘I am only upset because you behaved like that, the cause is your rudeness.’ ‘You don’t get to be mad at me for being upset you were an arse. Don’t be an arse and the problem is fixed.’