DP's mum pointed out lack of acknowledgement - feeling embarrassed and uncared for

[stormyscotts]

I’ve been with my partner for 18 months, and moved in with him 3 months ago. He has a little girl from a previous relationship who is 6. I met her and her mum together at the beginning of this year and have been in her life quite a bit since then. Partner asks me sometimes to look after her if he is working which I don’t mind doing as she is lovely. Her mum has dropped her off this morning to us and partner left to do his hobby at 12pm, got back at 3pm.

DPs mum is currently staying with us as she is experiencing some problems with her house, so as DP came in, I was sitting in the room with her and my dps little girl.

He came in, said hi to his little girl and his mum but not to me. He sat next to me but didn’t acknowledge me at all. I thought I was just being sensitive but it did surprise me. Then DPs mum said “aren’t you going to say hello to stormyscotts?” He said in a joking way “hiiiii stormyscotts”. DPs mum looked awkward and I felt embarrassed, but had to keep playing with DPs little girl.

He then came up to me about 10 mins after and asked for a hug.

Aibu that this is rude? I have been looking after his daughter, speaking with his mum and I just feel taken for granted, don’t expect much but some acknowledgement might be nice.

I've been with my husband for 10 years. When he comes in from work, he greets me with a hug/kiss and lovely words, he then does the same with our son. He has been consistently this way since the start.
You deserve better.

I think the reason he didn't acknowledge you was that until recently it was his mum looking after his DD when he went to do his hobby. You were invisible.

You , sadly, are nothing more than the babysitter/housekeeper with benefits. Raise your bar.

"He now will make it a big deal that I’m offended"

And your sole reply can be "even your mum thought you were so rude it should be called out..."

It's also very telling that you already know, and expect, him to make a big deal of you being offended by him. Will he make a big deal about him being rude? I bet not.

Get outta there. You are his unpaid childcare who also entertains his mum. Because he doesn’t seem interested in his responsibilities. Only himself and his hobby. And then instead of gratitude, it’s total disrespect.

you need to run a fucking mile right away

this won’t get better for you. You stand to be taken advantage of for the rest pf this relationship.

don’t tell him, just make plans and run.

Indeed.

I expect the relationship with the little girl’s mum broke up due to this kind of thing.

I feel like for his Mum to point it out it’s got to be pretty bad.

He's awful.
He's supposed to have contact time with his little girl so he can maintain a relationship with her and spend time with her, do nice things with her etc. But no, he goes out for 3 hours to his "hobby" leaving her with his relatively new partner who he's only been living with for 3 months.
He's already using you as default childcare and that's not on.

You are now very much the unappreciated nanny, sex doll, housekeeper, and unpaid. Get yourself some therapy as to why you are putting up with this appalling treatment and get out.

If you choose to stay, you'll be sacked without grace the day this child can manage without you. Roughly age 14/15/16. Dont waste your life like this.

Bin him

Why would you even want to be with a man that, presumably, only sees his daughter on weekends and then uses that time to go to a fucking hobby??!

Right ☹️. And OP's only been in for 3 months.

I think it’s really rude he left you to do childcare and went to his hobby! I’d look after the child in your circumstances if he’d got a medical appt or something but not just going for golf or whatever. His child is there to see him not you!

Clearly he had something on his mind. He screwed up, MIL called him out on it, and it seems like he felt bad afterwards.
He’s not a lost cause. If he asks, I’d say, if not, I’d move forward.
Sounds like you have a nice dynamic with SD.

Raise your bar and leave.

You are his unpaid nanny with benefits. He will bin you when he no longer needs free childcare.

If you're not quite ready to believe all the good advice here, why don't you test the waters a little.

Stop doing any childcare - just be busy every time.
Tell him you aren't there to entertain his mum, so if she's there, he needs to be there too.
Only do 50% of the shopping, cooking and cleaning. Don't do his laundry.
And see how it plays out.

initially i thought-bbit of big deal-if a one off/generally all good.
nearly scrolled on-but- went back-rereaad. few things. First up- 3 hours hobby instead of seeing his daughter ? Not good, priorities!-providing (you)adequate child care is not ok. Apart from imposing on 3hrs of YOUR free time ,its not pqarenting/being dad. Is her mam aware that wee one doesnt see him tol 3pm?why not have drop off then instead.
cake \eat it.
next-his mum. Whilst jolly decent able have her stay, it still a bit of an imposition. Seems like you ,her,wee one managing fine.surface good tho.
Biggest red flag ever -When a partners mum calls them out-on the spot for (mal)treatment of you. Significant as maybe woulda let slide otherwise, it is kinda rude to not say hi-but i guess in rship-eye contct could sorta cover acknowledged at least? IGNORED isnt ok, unlikely his ma tryna stir pot?
"he will now make big deal im offended""??like over compensate-super attentive or mocking/snide? or? nything other rthan corrected behaviour is shite tho.
on no mum there,no daughter there time-how are things?3months isnt long. Unhappiness cn drag out. You are never compelled or obliged to "settle"

Why are you lojoking after his child so he can pursue an optional hobby?

It would be different if he needs you to look after the kid because he had to bring his mum to the doctor or something.

He sounds like a poor parent and a poor partner. Not attractive.

I'm going to hazard a guess & ask, is there an age gap between you? I feel he's taking you for an absolute mug.

You are not that little girls mother. Even if she is "lovely" you should mind looking after her... it should be up to the parents to sort child care.

As others have pointed out, he's using you for a live in nanny. Dump & run.

So he gaslights you when HE behaves badly that you are making a fuss.

That's abusive behaviour.
You are already in an abusive relationship with a shit father who moved you in to be skivvy aupair to his child.

He's scum and your lack of self respect means you have an utterly miserable life ahead of you if you don't wake up.

No decent father fxxks off to a hobby when they should be spending time with their child, and leaves their child with the skivvy aupair that is foolish enough to accept it.

I bet his ex thinks he is a selfish loser.

You accept this as your lot and you have nothing but misery ahead of you.

You deserve better.
Get away while you have a chance.

This, please listen.

Throw it back!!!

Some men, the shit ones, audition nanny/housekeeper girlfriends very quickly. They want someone to do the housework, childcare, shag them, but they don't actually want a real relationship.

Women are trained to audition to be a house elf and then they find themselves here.

Does he do lots of housework, is great in bed, treats you like a queen, contributes fairly to the expenses? Or not. If the first, tell him and hope he stays told. If the second, RUN.

If she does this he'll no doubt get nasty.
Probably finish with her and find another mug to do it.
These guys always find a poor woman with a low bar.