DP's mum pointed out lack of acknowledgement - feeling embarrassed and uncared for

[stormyscotts]

I’ve been with my partner for 18 months, and moved in with him 3 months ago. He has a little girl from a previous relationship who is 6. I met her and her mum together at the beginning of this year and have been in her life quite a bit since then. Partner asks me sometimes to look after her if he is working which I don’t mind doing as she is lovely. Her mum has dropped her off this morning to us and partner left to do his hobby at 12pm, got back at 3pm.

DPs mum is currently staying with us as she is experiencing some problems with her house, so as DP came in, I was sitting in the room with her and my dps little girl.

He came in, said hi to his little girl and his mum but not to me. He sat next to me but didn’t acknowledge me at all. I thought I was just being sensitive but it did surprise me. Then DPs mum said “aren’t you going to say hello to stormyscotts?” He said in a joking way “hiiiii stormyscotts”. DPs mum looked awkward and I felt embarrassed, but had to keep playing with DPs little girl.

He then came up to me about 10 mins after and asked for a hug.

Aibu that this is rude? I have been looking after his daughter, speaking with his mum and I just feel taken for granted, don’t expect much but some acknowledgement might be nice.

Others have already said it, but it's not about whether or not you don't mind looking after his DD - it's the fact that this is his limited time to see his DD and he's choosing his hobby over it, and then on top of that expecting you to do the childcare without so much as a thank you.

It's a massive sign of his character.

Are you wanting to have your own DC in future? How much effort do you think he would bring to that, from his current example?

This is not a man you want to have DC with.

What did he do for childcare before you met?

Suspect I know why he's single....

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

Don’t be one of the many, many disappointed women who cling on to a substandard man because they feel attached/obligated/feel they love them - and then two or five or ten years later it all goes to shit anyway.

Don't even waste another week on him @stormyscotts .

Good lord, stop being a drip. You might not mind looking after his daughter but she is there to visit her Dad not you. Stop trying to play grown ups, he is using you as his unpaid skivvy.

You sound useful to him - move out and look for a true partner.

I can’t get past that he had his contact time with his little girl and pissed off to do his hobby

So not only is he a shitty partner for the way he treated you, he is also a shitty father

So he’s twisting it round to make it look like you are in the wrong?

I don’t like that he greeted you in a silly voice either.

He sounds immature and this is manipulative behaviour.

I wouldn’t want this for myself. I would consider your options.

You know it is time to cut losses when even his mum is warning you.

OP give yourself an early Christmas present and let him go.

DH and I have 2 DDs together (7&9) and on the days where either of us are parenting solo, the returning parent will offer to relieve the other of duties and encourage them to do something for themselves. This is after a greeting, asking how the day went and how we are personally. We have two well behaved, lovely children and still after almost 10 years of childrearing recognise each other in the work it takes- these are OUR children. Your waster DP doesn't even walk through the door and recognise your existence, you aren't even her parent!! Dump him off, it will get worse.

He sees childcare as women's work. He's a man and is too busy and important for that sort of thing.

Well, he's putting you in your place early. Letting you know what to expect from him.

You don't matter, just a part of the furniture after only three months living together.

Don't be one of those poor women who cling on desperately, even having dc in the hopes of climbing up the rankings, only to discover they still mean absolutely nothing except as a maid/wank doll.

When he arrives at his hobby I bet he says hello to everyone. I bet he acknowledges his fellow hobby group members and is upbeat and fun and plays his best. Otherwise he wouldn't be welcome would he? That hobby group is getting the best of him.

Meanwhile he doesn't have the time to give to his daughter and is dismissive and then rude and sarcastic to you?
Blimey. This bloke is frankly not worth your time!

Oh I'm sorry Dalek, I hope it didn't seem that I wasn't saying I thought you were mean. I was referring to my situation many years ago.

I didn't see anything wrong with my relationship and when others gently told me, I thought they were being a bit mean spirited but they weren't. They were concerned and they were right to be.

They were much older colleagues who I thought should mind their own business. They were really decent people though and I just knew they were pushing the boundaries of what should be said at work for a reason. I'm glad they risked it. It's hard to see from the inside though.

He now will make it a big deal that I’m offended

Well, that's called gaslighting.

Run.

You’re the nanny with a fanny. ☹️

Move out. He has a role for you. That's it.

Don't be a mug.

I think most people here have said what his mum was thinking. You don’t need to step in to a parenting role. The point is he should be doing it not you. He could do hobbies when she isn’t around.

If you decide to have kids with him then you already know what kind of a Father he will be so you can't act surprised when he fucks off, then gets his new girlfriend to look after his kids on his contact days instead of looking after them himself. It doesn't matter if you don't mind looking after her. It's his job.

Sorry @stormyscotts YANBU he is OOO. After 3m it is a huge red flag.

Do you have somewhere to go? Can you easily move out? I would honestly end this now. I know that will be hard for you but it'll be much easier than staying and having to put up with being ill treated and disrespected for years to come.

Brutal, but spot on.

See it as the massive red flag it is and move on before you find yourself saddled with increasing childcare/house keeping/"favours". If his own mum was embarrassed enough to point his behaviour out, don't stick around.

So much this. Cut your losses. He'll have to find another live-in nanny.