to be too exhausted by training contract to have sex

[HildegardVonBingham]

Hi all

I've just started my training contract at a city firm. The firm are inexplicably making us do the SQE (famously hard exams - c.44% pass) alongside the training contract. We get a day off once a week, but realistically you have to do extra work before or after work or at the weekends.

I'm not really enjoying the work - it is a steep learning curve - and studying alongside it feels relentless. As a result I am often too tired to have sex. I would say we do it about once a week, and DP and I had a massive barney about it this morning. DP tried to initiate sex several times this week and I didn't want to because I'd had an awful week at work and massively cocked something up. DP feels unloved and rejected because I don't want to have sex, and I shouted that I feel that all I do is work, study, and go to the fucking shops of do fucking washing up. I just think it's really selfish to not understand that when I'm tired and have had a shit week the last thing I want is to have sex. DP's job is quite relaxed, and this makes me feel extra martyrly and irritable.

AIBU!!!!

Your career will probably be like this for many years, I'd take a long think if this is the person you want as your life partner.

Once a week is hardly unusual!

What expectations?

How many times a week is he 'expecting'?

And what is he doing to facilitate it?

I’ve been a City lawyer and also married someone with a big City job (with even worse hours unbelievably).

Your relationship will not survive if he doesn’t understand that stress and limitations on your personal time and energy is part of the deal with this kind of job.

There are other people out there who will understand; either because they do the same kind of job themselves or because they appreciate that you are on the path to a high earning career and they are happy to support that.

@EvelynBeatrice The idea that this is how it will always be is incorrect

But it is how it will always be if she stays at the type of firm where she currently is (in fact it will be worse).

You’re not actually disagreeing with what everyone else has said - what you are actually suggesting is that she moves elsewhere with a different level of demand/expectation, which is what many other posters have also suggested. Whether she makes this move now, or as an NQ or at 2, 4 or 10pqe depends on a load of factors.

This is separate from the bf issue. If she feels that she wants to see this through for at least the medium term then it doesn’t sound like their relationship can last.

Fair enough.

Hi ladies thanks for all your comments, lots to think about. DP is actually a woman, though I didn’t want to say so initially because I thought it would be ‘outing’ (which is really silly given that there are hundreds if not thousands of trainee solicitors in the U.K.!) I really love DP and we have talked about this and I think it’s resolvable. DP contrite after our big argument. TCs are so competitive - I think c200 applicants for each spot in London - so I think I just need to acclimatise to getting gimped to death studying and working all the time for the next two years. Goes without saying I would crawl through an ocean of vomit in order to pass the SQE and get the seat I want post-qualification so I suppose I can study for this disgusting set of exams in all my spare hours 🙃🙃🙃

DP is actually a woman

And suddenly the posters moaning about male entitlement seem to have gone awfully quiet. 😂😂😂

Or maybe it’s because OP has effectively said problem solved?