To resent my father because he's rich and could help me ?

[grabbie]

Is that grabby and entitled ?

You could survive but would have to change your lifestyle?
yes, entitled and grabby.

If he’s as much of a bastard as you have said then I wouldn’t want his money.

Oh for goodness sake 🤣🤣. Now we’ve gone from this….

We didn't grow up rich at all. My dad just hoarded it, never even buying my mother a Christmas or birthday present. Same with us really. He only gave the absolute minimum. Forcing my mum to crimp and save a little bit of money together to buy us presents. He literally did the bare minimum to keep us fed. My mum did everything else for us.

To this….

It's in the millions guys.

So your Dad went from being quite poor, to a multimillionaire by not giving out presents?

🤣🤣🤣

What’s the relationship like with your dad?

What was the relationship like when you were a child?

What are your circumstances? (I.e are you married or single? Do you have children? Are you mortgage free? Or are you paying a mortgage/rent?)

What type of “life style” do you lead?

What if your dad wasn’t wealthy? What if he was dirt poor? How would you expect to deal with your illness then?

If you’re struggling for money and living a life of misery in debt and your father has millions of disposable cash- then by all means talk to him about it and ask for some support.

I would vote YABU based on your original post
I have skimmed the replies but does he know how bad your illness is? That not working would be better for you ?
like you, I would never ask for help from anyone but that doesn’t mean that they would just give it.. would like to think if I was really struggling someone would offer. Unfortunately I have no one in the position your father is, I wouldn’t just expect help though without asking, it’s not something i would be entitled to and I would never expect.
However, and maybe not a reply you will like, if you can give up work and be ok but not to the lifestyle you currently live, why is that anyone else’s problem? Can you not make some changes if you need to give up work? I’m sorry you’re unwell, I don’t know your issues and it must be terrible. But We all have to adapt to various situations . If I lost my job tomorrow i would be buggered, I have 5 kids to support and would have to make a lot of changes, still be ok but not the lifestyle I have now and no one to subsidise it. No entitlement to any support either…

I am in one of the ethic groups mentioned by a PP, we help our kids financially as much as we can - and it is appreciated. We want our kids 'settled' before we kick the bucket.

Ask. Get over your pride nonsense.

If you need help you have to ask.

I would make a monthly allowance in a heartbeat to either of my single, adult children if they needed it. As it is we pay his mortgage and her rent (she is hoping to buy next year) without any detriment to our lifestyle. However, they are loving, thoughtful, caring. Not at all spoilt or entitled. We just enjoy making their lives that little bit more secure.
it is a shame your dad doesn’t feel the same, because as you say the inheritance will be yours anyway. He’s unlikely to change now.

The thing is you don’t need help though, you’ve said you’ll be just fine.

I think you misunderstood. He wasn't poor, he had them living like it. And yes, some people, even on modest incomes, have done well investing over a long period of time.

I disagree with him having to offer, you should have to ask your dad, that's a whole conversation.

He isn't a mind reader, perhaps he is aware you could cope without working but chose not to.

I do think if you can survive without working, but your expecting him to help continue lavishly, then yabu.

If your question is should your father subsidise you to the extent that he is replacing your salary, for a health condition that will only get worse, then the answer is no. How long might he have to do that for - 20+ years? Very unreasonable to expect that of a parent. No one respects people who live off their parents wealth either, it’s embarrassing,

Of course it’s entitled. You aren’t entitled to anyone else’s money just because you want it or think you have greater need for it.

It’s always the people who don’t have money who say “oh but if it was me I would help”. It’s always bollocks. You don’t end up with lots of money by giving it away.

I don't think it's grabby to wish that your parent wanted to help you when you are struggling.

Jesus h what's wrong with people.

What is your lifestyle. Why are you so secretive about that? It is very relevant.

This. What sort of lifestyle do you want support with?

Varied, healthy diet for you and your DC, reasonably sized house, British holiday? YANBU.

Michelin starred restaurants each week, masion, multiple foreign holiday? YABU.

And I think you’re not understanding maths 🤣
Lets just ignore interest rates for a minute, because they have fluctuated wildly over the last 40 years
Say OP is 40. He would have had to have saved at least 50k a year, every single year for the last 40 years to hit 2 million.
So say he did that. He would have to have earned a salary of at least 70k at the very very least.
70k, 40 years ago? I highly doubt it 🤣 The average wage in the 80s was 6k. Even knocking off 10-20k PA to account for savings interest growth, her Dad would have been earning obscene amounts in the 80s, which means op would have grown up far more wealthy than most. There would have been no “scrimping and saving”

And this is assuming op is 40-if op is younger then it’s even less believable

There is a book called You Just Don't Understand, it's about the different ways men and women reason. There is an example in the book which has stuck with me.

A couple are on the motorway on a long journey and the woman needs to pee. She sees a sign which says the next service station is in half a mile so she asks the man if he needs to stop for a pee, he doesn't and says so, and they sail past the exit to the service station. She has got to wait another twenty miles for the next stop and gives him a hard time. He is utterly bewildered and says why didn't you just say you wanted to stop?

Sometimes with men you just have to state clearly what you need. Even your own father can be extraordinarily blind to what's in front of them. Stop playing the martyr, ask him. If he says no, come back and we'll agree what a bastard he is.

Unfortunately he sounds like a Scrooge so you're unlikely to get anything. Sympathy to you.

Ok on the lifestyle bit- kids in private school. I wouldn't be able to sustain it without working. Yes their dad also pays but my contribution is significant.

If I was able to keep working, I would also put some savings aside ( I have already some ) for their university, should they wish to go

So all in all, school and uni for my kids would be the lifestyle I mean.

Think it very much depends what you mean by the lifestyle you have now. There's a difference between 'not having to move into a home unsuitable for your needs and being concerned about having the heating on' and 'I live in a 5-bed house in a posh village and don't think I should have to move'.

It sounds as though you don't like the man - for reasons that sound legitimate, don't get me wrong, but it seems strange to me that you clearly don't have a good relationship and are somehow surprised that he's not offered help considering he's never been forthcoming with money. You've set up a test you knew he would fail in your head - that he would offer to fund your lifestyle - as a way to further feel angry about him in general it seems. And that's understandable, if he's not a nice man or a good father, but you're only torturing youself. Let it go: if you don't want to ask and he clearly isn't going to offer, then it's not going to happen. You need to come to terms with it rather than simmering away resentfully because it's only you that that's damaging.

Oh lmao just seen your update. YABU.

One issue is that OP has gone from saying that she had a good relationship with her father to making him sound like a successor to Scrooge with added narcissism. Both things are not true.

My birth father paid not one penny to my upbringing. Not one. I discovered recently that he was picked up unconscious from the ocean after his yacht sank some years after my birth. I confess to laughing (quite a lot really) but do not and never have expect that solitary penny from him. I think OP will be a happier person when she stops expecting things from someone who is not going to give them.

There it is 😂

It is indeed.

Well there's a surprise ! I knew whatever I wrote- unless it was ' struggling to feed my kids' everyone would say it's unreasonable.