Increasingly hate sitting next to people

[Woollypullover]

and I don't know why.

Is anyone else like this? I'm BU and should be comfortable sitting next to people, shouldn't I? I never used to be like this.

This coming week, I wish I could avoid a trip to the theatre and lunch with a group in a restaurant because I don't want to sit next to anyone.

I even make excuses and turn up late, so I can sit on the end.

I'm BU aren't I?

Yes, no one’s disputing that. My point is only that a random selection of people in your vicinity in either case is as likely to yield nice, interesting, personable people as grotesquely badly-behaved ones.

Well, if I took a random selection of people from most public places, 99.999% of them I would not want any intimate contact with, regardless of how 'nice' they may seem.

Nobody is asking you to have intimate contact with anyone. You’re deliberately misrepresenting the analogy.

I think I said that I didn't want to breathe in air that had just come out of a random strangers mouth. And someone then started asking about sex. I pointed out that I didn't want to have sex with any of the random strangers either. Or any other intimate contact, up to and including inhaling their dirty breath!

You’ve either completely misunderstood or are being deliberately obtuse. It wasn’t about sex as I’m pretty sure you well know. It was about random people being as likely to be nice as not. More likely to be nice in my experience. And not wanting to breathe air someone else has breathed is completely odd.

No, it wasn't about sex at all, until someone started trying to make it about sex. But it also isn't about whether a random person is nice or not - it's about whether someone would want to sit right next to them. And to you it may seem odd, but to me (and perhaps some others on this thread) the idea of having to be in close proximity to other people is unpleasant. For me, it's the knowledge that I am breathing in whatever they have just breathed out. Air may look like ' just air' but it's really not - it contains all kinds of microscopic particles and gunk, and I don't want the contents of some random person's lungs in mine. If it weren't true, there would be no such thing as airborne diseases for a start.

My point was how people like you function in the real world.

Nobody made it about sex. Stop trying to pretend you don’t understand the point that was being made.
Nobody is disputing that you (and sone others) find it unpleasant to sit by people either. Just that it’s a level of anxiety which is unhealthy and which you should perhaps seek to deal with. Humans are social creatures. Isolating yourself isn’t healthy.

By working from home, ordering stuff online instead of going to the shops, socialising online, going for walks outdoors, away from crowded places. Modern technology actually makes it easy to do most stuff remotely now, so there is no need to go near anyone else.

Modern technology actually makes it easy to do most stuff remotely now

Indeed.
Although it makes it even easier for people to isolate themselves and live a hermit like existence.

For me, it's the knowledge that I am breathing in whatever they have just breathed out. Air may look like ' just air' but it's really not - it contains all kinds of microscopic particles and gunk, and I don't want the contents of some random person's lungs in mine. If it weren't true, there would be no such thing as airborne diseases for a start.

So many more people think like this after all the messaging through COVID. I can't really blame people for feeling this way because the government, NHS etc did their best to make people terrified to be near each other!

Humans are social creatures. Isolating yourself isn’t healthy.

I did prefer it, personally, when we had more personal space during social distancing, but I also realise it's not realistic to maintain that, society wouldn't function. Total isolation or misanthropy isn't healthy, but people do have different needs with regards to socialising and being around others. I can see why people have had a hard time readjusting to being in close proximity to others after two years of being told other people are dirty and dangerous and will make you sick.

Well, if we needed any evidence this wasn’t healthy, Mn, with its disproportionate number of corrosively lonely posters, testifies to it.

It is a shame that society couldn't continue to function like that. The year of lockdown, levels of flu and other contagious respiratory illness dropped down to almost nothing. It was the first time for decades when I wasn't ill with back to back viruses for 6 months of the year. Quite a revelation.
The messaging from the NHS wasn't fictional. Other people will indeed make you sick - humans are essentially vectors of disease.

Mumsnet - "euuwww people are gross I don't want to be anywhere near them!!!!"

Also Mumsnet "why don't I have any friends, I am so lonely"

I'd actually be really worried about the welfare of children receiving the message from their parents that other people make you sick and who were subjected to a deliberately isolated life.

But the contents of people’s lungs that you do know are absolutely fine? And your lungs are no danger to anyone else? You’re as likely to catch something off a friend as a stranger.

Yes, I try to avoid people as much as possible, whether I know them or not.

I don't think they are the same people though!

@CrazyGoatLady

I did prefer it, personally, when we had more personal space during social distancing, but I also realise it's not realistic to maintain that, society wouldn't function. Total isolation or misanthropy isn't healthy, but people do have different needs with regards to socialising and being around others. I can see why people have had a hard time readjusting to being in close proximity to others after two years of being told other people are dirty and dangerous and will make you sick.

It's good to have choice. If you don't want to sit touching random strangers in a theatre for 3 hours, then you're free not to go, likewise with shopping, your choice whether to go at busy times or shop at quiet times or get shopping delivered.

Trouble is with things like GP surgeries, hospitals, dental surgeries, pharmacies, etc., you've no choice but to go, and they're usually cramped, lacking in ventilation, etc. That kind of place should provide more spacious and better ventilated areas, especially as there are more likely to be elderly, disabled or have poor immune systems. We really should have learned from Covid and be transitioning to medical settings with safer environments for potentially vulnerable people. I know you can't radically remodel older buildings, but even new buildings aren't being designed with better waiting areas, even those designed and built in the last couple of years. Really stupid. No wonder there are so many hospital acquired infections etc.

My OH has cancer, so we "shield" as much as possible as chemotherapy has knackered his immune system. Our friends and family respect us enough to tell us if they think they've got something and wouldn't dream of turning up at our house coughing and sneezing. So, no, I don't think you are a likely to catch something from a friend, as a real friend would understand and respect you.

I think there's a world of difference between someone looking after the welfare of someone undergoing cancer treatment and someone who weirdly thinks lockdown restrictions were an inspiration in how to live. The first is absolutely understandable. The second is strange and concerning.

I travel by train and tube every week at rush hour. Most people are commuters so seats get but people don't sit together on quieter carriage. That's mostly strangers though. I actually like sitting next to friends and family.

I was responding to the comment You’re as likely to catch something off a friend as a stranger. which isn't true because of the relationship with your friend. (And anyway, you're unlikely to be friends with someone with poor personal hygiene, or who has other antisocial habits etc).

I'd agree with there. I don't think what I said was inconsistent with that.

I meant I agreed with what you said there. It's about caring and decency. I just think someone who's inspired by lockdown to shun humanity is strange and that mindset to me is disturbing.