Son still won’t work

[Lostmum8279]

My son is 22 years old and still can’t keep a job. Should I give him money when he asks? I feel guilty if I don’t but it is not really helping him I know. I don’t know what to do

Why on earth would you give a 22 year old money? Money for what?

I wouldn’t, it just enables him to not work. Is he claiming benefits, if so he should use that money to pay towards household costs and live on the rest. I wouldn’t be funding an adult child to not work.

Of course you shouldn't give a workshy adult money!

No you’re just enabling

Why can't he hold down a job, does he live with you, is he entitled to any benefits, what does he ask you for money for

If you don't give him cash, I suppose the rest of us will be subsidising the lazy arse through benefits...

Of course you shouldn't give him money. He needs to get jobseekers/uc and look for a job.

He will have no incentive unless he has no money. Stop giving it to him. Tell him (kindly) that it's time for him to pull his socks up and start adulting.

Are there any underlying reasons why he finds it hard to get, or maintain a job? Does he have any disabilities, that are a factor here?

Unless there is a massive drip feed with valid reasons for why he cannot work. Being a lazy sod doesn't count then nope.

No you can't have my money I earned it's time for you to get a job and keep it.

No, don’t give him money. Make sure he signs up for YC then charge board. Also UC will make it a condition of his benefits that he job seeks.

Why can't he keep a job?

Why do you feel guilty? I presume you house him for free, provide food, toiletries also for free so if he wants money he can work for it or claim benefits.

He is your child but he is not a child anymore.

What’s the back story of why he can’t keep a job?

Is he still refusing to get help for his "anxiety"? You posted at some length about him over a year ago, and it doesn't seem that anything has changed. Are you still paying for his social life and running his car for him?

Yes he lives at home, he has anxiety but plays on it a lot. He just seems determined to be out with friends and sponging off anyone and everyone. When we stop giving him money is disappears for ages then wanders back in ( he doesn’t have a key, we took that away a long time ago) then we worry he isn’t eating so give him a little money.

No we only give him maybe £10 every couple of weeks, we have tried being stronger with him but nothing has really changed.

Why hasn't he got a key, does he eat at home

No disability, he is actually really clever and could turn his hand to anything if he put his mind to it. He is a quick learner but I am running out of ideas of how to handle this.

He doesn’t have a key because he used to wander in at 3am when everyone else has to be up for work and school. He isn’t getting benefits either

Exactly. Let him sign on for universal credit and I imagine they'll be pretty keen to stop him sitting on his arse.

@Lostmum8279 he is taking the piss then isn't he, stop funding him completely and let him sink or swim.

Running out of ideas? Why isn't he claiming benefits instead of sponging off you?

My brother is like this, always has been and is now in his 30s still sponging off everyone that feels sorry for him, it's pathetic.

What, so he can sponge off the rest of us then?