My Host told me not to go somewhere.

[Mearabade]

Me and my cousin had a big argument over this. I still think she was being totally unreasonable, but she made me feel like I was being unreasonable.

She asked me to stay with her for a weekend earlier this year.

She lives in a different country to me, so it's a long journey over to see her.

I went over. My aunty (not her mother) lives near her, so i said that I would pop up to see my aunty while I was there.

My cousin got really angry and told me that she didn't want me to go to see my aunt, that i was there to see her.

My cousin seemed to think that because I was staying with her, that she could control my every move.

I said I was going up to my aunt.

I came back to my cousins house. My cousin was really angry and shouted at me to get out of her house. My cousin seemed to be angry that I "went against her".

I was shocked at her anger and I left. I just thought that she was so over the top.

I left her house day early.

We sent each other one long angry message each, and then haven't spoken to each other since. As I'm just shocked by her behaviour.
She was so extreme.

What I gathered from her message is that she seemed to think I was using her for a place to stay.

Not true. And after experiencing her anger I wish I'd stayed in a hotel.

What I wrote back to her is

"While it was nice of you to let me stay with you, I'm an adult and you can't tell me or any other adult not to go anywhere!".

What do you all think.

Did you ask the person to stay with you?

I just think that staying in peoples houses is too hard because some hosts seem to think that if a guest stays with them, that they sre then allowed to control the person like a child.

You can't tell an adult not to go somehwere.

It would be like if my friend came to visit me for a weekend.

If she stayed in a hotel near me, she could meet another friend for lunch one day, and me for lunch the next day.

If she came to actually stay in my house for the weekend, it doesn't give me any right to control her movements

I can't say to her well you can't go to lunch with that other friend now. You can't go anywhere while you are with me.

That's what some hosts seem to forget, you can't control any other adults movements.

I'll definitely be staying in hotels on any visit to anyone from now on

My relative asked if she could come for a weekend, and we were delighted because she's been living abroad and we hadn't seen her for many years.
I don't try to control my guests but I like them to check before arranging to do something else while they are staying in my home. It's good manners. Like asking to borrow something from a friend rather than just helping yourself, even when you know they will be happy to lend it.

Yea and your guest did a bit more than what I did aswe

I wouldn't invite someone else round into someones home for the day, without checking with the host. I definitely wouldn't do that.

I'm surprised that in your text message to your cousin you didn't mention that SHE had invited YOU to stay with her, as you imply. However your text implies that YOU asked to stay with HER as you thank her for allowing you to stay there.

It makes me wonder what is actually the case?

How does my text imply that I asked to stay with her?

She invited me over to stay with her. She asked me to come over

I wrote "it was was nice of you to let me stay with you".

As you know, i was trying to be polite. Thats a polite thing to write.

Thinking back, I was too polite in my response to her to be honest. She sent me a very abusive message to me, before I wrote that reply to her.

I put a snippet of what she said here. But her message was very long and very nasty. She is extreme.

But that's our characters. She is much more aggressive than I am. I am definitely not as angry as her.

And I try and calm the situation, when she is aggressive.

I also have only included so far one line of what he said to each other.

Obviously we said more than that. Its just hard to put every word said between people on a thread on here.

I remember after she said I used her for a place to stay,

I did say later on in my message to her:,

"I would have stayed in a hotel. You ASKED me to stay with you."

I still can't get a clear picture of the events? Or your relationship before this? Has she felt let down by you before? ( Whether or not rightfully)
How many days were you staying?
When did you leave to go to visit your aunt?
Did you ask her what plans she had for the weekend?
It strikes me that she somehow feels more invested in your friendship, and that she has felt let down before.
I think if I had a friend come to see me for a short time and after years without seeing them, and they went off the first morning and spoilt the plans I had made for their visit , I would be hurt, disappointed and might get pretty upset.
The fact she said you made her shout, makes me wonder about the mechanics of the relationship and what has happened in the past.
I understand that you were shocked, but you also sound very cold about what your cousin is going through.

I agree, otherwise it's just disrespectful

I didn't go off on the first morning by myself.

I arrived Friday. I spent all Friday evening with my cousin.

The first morning I was there I went out for breakfast with my cousin and her daughter.

Then my cousin, her daughter and me went out for a day trip to the next town together.

So i spent all of Friday evening, and all day Saturday until 6 o clock with my cousin. When we came back, I said to her that I wanted to pop up to my aunt and say hello to her.

Aunt lives very close and knew I was coming.

What annoys me is if I had known the cousin didn't want me to go anywhere except her house, I never ever would have stayed with her.

She should have told me before I went "if you come and stay with me you can't go and see anyone else".

Which is ridiculous when you read it.

You can't stop an adult from going anywhere. You can't imprison someone in your house.

Just something in the way you relay all this makes you sound like you don't care that much about your cousin, which maybe the crux of the matter - she knows

I did care about her before.

I feel very differently about her after this happened.

Definitely.

I took a day of my annual leave on the friday to be able to make the flight over. I travelled a very long way to see her,

and then he shouted at me to get out of her house, without knowing or caring where I would go to spend the second day.

I would never do that to her .

I was just thinking, if she travelled from another country to see me, there is no way I would shout at her to leave my house.

I have never ever shouted at her.

Then she wrote some extremely nasty things to me, in the message she sent me after as well.

None of my other cousins have ever done that to me.

It's made me feel totally differently about her.

Very odd behaviour. If I have guests/friends to stay where they know other people in the same area I would expect them to catch up with those people, not speaks every waking moment with me. Obviously I wouldn’t expect to not spend any time at all with them and for them to just sleep and have breakfast at my house, but there is a balance in between.