My Host told me not to go somewhere.

[Mearabade]

Me and my cousin had a big argument over this. I still think she was being totally unreasonable, but she made me feel like I was being unreasonable.

She asked me to stay with her for a weekend earlier this year.

She lives in a different country to me, so it's a long journey over to see her.

I went over. My aunty (not her mother) lives near her, so i said that I would pop up to see my aunty while I was there.

My cousin got really angry and told me that she didn't want me to go to see my aunt, that i was there to see her.

My cousin seemed to think that because I was staying with her, that she could control my every move.

I said I was going up to my aunt.

I came back to my cousins house. My cousin was really angry and shouted at me to get out of her house. My cousin seemed to be angry that I "went against her".

I was shocked at her anger and I left. I just thought that she was so over the top.

I left her house day early.

We sent each other one long angry message each, and then haven't spoken to each other since. As I'm just shocked by her behaviour.
She was so extreme.

What I gathered from her message is that she seemed to think I was using her for a place to stay.

Not true. And after experiencing her anger I wish I'd stayed in a hotel.

What I wrote back to her is

"While it was nice of you to let me stay with you, I'm an adult and you can't tell me or any other adult not to go anywhere!".

What do you all think.

It didn't happen that long ago.

She didn't come with me to visit the aunt, because she was doing something for her daughter in her house.

Unhinged OR mh problems. To be so aggressive for a minor thing it's disturbing, especially if you have children. I said to ask a relative to check on her, quite different from getting her into a psychiatric hospital. But what's your problem nitpicking posters and being unkind? Tough day or mh problems😉?

An hour's visit means a lot to people. My aunts/uncles are always so happy when I pop in for a bit. It also reduces the pressure on people to invite people over for dinner, which can be time consuming and expensive.

I can't know for sure. But I do think this particular cousin may have some mental health issues. Her daughter is 1. Maybe she has postnatal depression.

I was just upset because I found her behaviour so shocking. No one else has ever screamed at me to get out of a house. I'm quite a nice person!

She just over reacted to everything and at the time made me feel like it was my fault.

But I think maybe she is depressed or something.

My aunt was delighted to see me I have to say! She was so nice and kind.

Even when I went up to visit my aunt I wanted to stay longer with her as she was so much nicer to me , than my cousin was being to me.
But out of politeness, I went back to my cousins house quickly.

I went back very quickly out of politeness. Just to get shouted at by cousin

I think even if she apologises to you and begs you to come back so she can make it up to you, please don't go back there.

If you do see her again see her on neutral grounds like a cafe or someone else's house.

Screaming at you is unhinged, let alone rude.

You did nothing wrong, OP. I bet your family knows what your cousin is like.

Just be thankful you're out of that situation and never have to put yourself in that again.

Also now you have a good excuse to stay in hotels when other people invite you as well.

How bizarre.
I think she owes you an apology.
Totally normal to call on family/friends who are nearby when you're in the area! It would have looked worse if you didn't call on your Aunt!- and you can hardly explain by saying you weren't allowed- that sounds ridiculous!
I like it when visitors have a few things of their own they want to do!- it breaks up the visit and gives everyone a bit of space!

Look, if I invited someone for the weekend from another country, I'd feel slightly miffed if they made plans with someone else, but you said it was only an hour. It's not like you were gone an entire day. The reaction here isn't proportionate.

It's irrelevant to the question being asked, "why was she upset".

OP didn't ask 'why was she upset?' in her OP. She asked 'What do you all think?'

Ok. But what I think is that she was upset because she felt that OP was a bit rude and then she behaved in a very OTT manner.

I guess it really depends on your own self esteem - what you see as rudeness in guests.

When I was younger and living with my mum, I remember that we had an uncle and his daughter visit us for three days.

This uncle and daughter went out and visited several other family members near by on the second day.

I thought it was totally fine. He told us when he'd be back.

However if someone was feeling bad about themselves, maybe they would be angry at the guest "leaving me for someone else"

Screaming at someone to ‘get out of my house’ is what’s rude. I notice you minimise that and won’t call it rude.

And you also keep ignoring that this cousin visited many relatives when staying at a relative’s house.

I think it's perfectly normal to visit another relative if you visiting someone else. As long as you explain "I'm planning to pop in and see auntie while I'm here, when's a good time?" Or words to that effect. You weren't gone fir the entire day. She could have cone with you. I don't think you're in the wrong.

@vivainsomniaOP only went to her aunt’s for an hour!!

I think you being so worked up because i think OP was rude is odd. But there you go. Cousin was definitely weird and inappropriate and OTT. I've said that many times.

My narc mother lives on the other side of the world - I moved to get away from her, to be honest - and she acts like this when I visit.

God forbid I spend anytime away from her, doing anything that doesn't include her. I'm talking about getting a deluge of texts from her if she thinks I've spent 'too long' out shopping...I'm a grown woman in my 50s, ffs. My last two trips have been ruined by her acting this way... I cut the last visit short by 2 weeks as I couldn't cope with it.

As a result it is now 15 years since I lasted visited. I'm planning to go next year, but this time I will be staying in a hotel, and I will also be arriving in the country a week earlier than I will be telling her so I can actually do/see more than the inside of her apartment and the bus ride in/out of her city.

Someone disagreeing with you isn't them being worked up.

ok.

I'm stating an opinion. I'm not particularly bothered if everyone else agrees with me. It's just my opinion - as per OP's request. But you and OP seem really bothered by my opinion and want me to say it's wrong. It doesn't matter, I'm sure we're all getting bored now.

Do your cousin and aunt get along?

I suspect she and the aunt had had a falling out. She didn't want to tell you for whatever reason but she saw your fondness for the aunt as disloyalty - you should not have been consorting with the enemy, so to speak.

Do people on here really expect people to ignore other members of their family when staying with another relative?! My family live in a different country, every time I go back it's a whirlwind round of visits, especially to older members who don't find travel easy anymore. I never get to go straight to the place I am staying in, as I have two aunts who live on the route to the airport who would be annoyed if I didn't call into them on the way past, even if we have plans to meet up later, simply because that's what I have always done since childhood. There are some people who would be offended if I didn't bother to see them on a visit back (which is why I go for a week and never just a weekend!). The relative I stay with actually telephones everyone who ever knew me as a child to tell them I am visiting in advance and then its, "Well, you have to go and see so and so for a cup of tea, sure weren't they great friends with your mother at school?"

Expecting someone to be glued to your side for an entire visit and never see other relatives is just bizarre, as is blaming someone else for your loss of control. No way would I be staying with her again!

It was for a couple of hours, not days. Not a nice thing, but my mum was annoyed but didn't feel like a captive (so far as I know from what she told me; it was before I was born).

I don't think 'you made me...' is WORSE than any of the other aspects; just that it seems more INSANE.

You cousins reaction was aggressive and rude and not acceptable at all.
But I get why she was annoyed with you. You were her guest and although she has no right to 'control' you, it would have been polite to check whether it's OK with her for you to go to visit someone else. You weren't there for very long, and it's only once a year, so she may well have wanted to have the whole time with you. And/or she may have had something planned for that afternoon.
I was annoyed recently when a visiting family member who was only coming for 2 nights, invited another family member who lives fairly close to join us for the full day. If she'd run it past us as an idea without contacting him first, we would have happily agreed, but as it was, we felt wrong-footed and it took the edge of the visit somehow. We didn't shout at her and throw her out though!