Page 15 | Do you teach your child to hit back?

SweetBobby · 2024-12-05T20:41:34+00:00

If yes, why? If no, why? I do and I feel pretty strongly about it. Being able to stand up for yourself in life is absolutely vital. YABU- No I don't YANBU- Yes I do

Julia34 · 07/12/2024 18:37

WearyAuldWumman · 07/12/2024 18:35

As people have explained quite patiently, it's not always possible to walk away or get help - particularly when someone is literally on top of you.

Children at secondary school can do a lot of damage, unfortunately. Over 40 yrs of teaching, I've stopped a few assaults. I'm not sure how many. The hands off approach worked for some; for others, I had to get the assailant into a bear hug to haul them off the victim. It's not easy, and I have been hurt in the process - but the alternative would have been to allow the assault to continue. I twice had to get down on my hands and knees to pull one teenager off another. In those situations, you always try to de-escalate, but that doesn't always work.

The one time that I felt that I couldn't intervene physically (after shouting failed to work) was when I was in the very early stage of a pregnancy. (No, I didn't have a Risk Assessment in place. I'd only got a faint blue line and was waiting a week to re-test.) It was interval and the victim ran into my room for sanctuary, closely pursued by the perpetrator. I kept well out of the perpetrator's way and tried to get to my phone to get assistance. He came at me and punched me in the stomach. I didn't even know him. He followed me quite deliberately - it was no accident.

People forget how strong teenage boys are.

A senior boy ran to get help from two male teachers in the next classroom. They were also punched. (One had stood in front of the pupil victim to protect him.) The assault was finally stopped by a retired police officer who was then our Community Link.

ETA No, I wasn't dealing with assaults every single day - but this is the reality of what you see in a long career. Most pupils are perfectly harmless. A handful are not. Schools are a reflection of society.

Edited

Show quote history

I have sytuation years ago when man sid on my chest really I had no time to think "oh let's talk with him". I grab stone and hit him then he get confused and I get up fast. I doesn't kill him but I was think "if he make me harder to breathing then I will kill him"

Marblesbackagain · 07/12/2024 19:05

Idsksn · 07/12/2024 14:58

Such weak people on this thread. Even if I end up losing, I'm fighting back.

Your mentality is the issue.

Strength isn't fighting, strength comes from control and logical choices. It's a pity you got to adulthood without learning that.

Julia34 · 07/12/2024 19:12

Marblesbackagain · 07/12/2024 19:05

Your mentality is the issue.

Strength isn't fighting, strength comes from control and logical choices. It's a pity you got to adulthood without learning that.

Show quote history

You have no time with logical choices if your life is about the end in seconds

Christmascrumbling · 07/12/2024 20:16

SidhuVicious · 07/12/2024 16:42

A question to the posters that believe violence is never the solution....

If an out of control dog attacked you or your child and you had something to hand you could use as a weapon, would you stand by watching your child or yourself get mauled and wait for help or would you use necessary violence?

If the latter, why is it different when the attacker is a human? Is it because their human rights are more important than your own despite the fact they made a conscious decision to attack you?

The question is do you teach your DC to hit back. Hitting back is not self defence, it's retaliation.

Julia34 · 07/12/2024 20:19

Christmascrumbling · 07/12/2024 20:16

The question is do you teach your DC to hit back. Hitting back is not self defence, it's retaliation.

Show quote history

Only if teacher not react my child have permission to hit back. If my daughter go teacher and the teacher punish the child who hit her then she leave the kid alone if the teacher do nothing she is allowed to hit back

Christmascrumbling · 07/12/2024 20:21

So your DC gets hit, walks across to the teacher, teacher doesn't help so she goes back to the child and smacks them?

Julia34 · 07/12/2024 20:24

Christmascrumbling · 07/12/2024 20:21

So your DC gets hit, walks across to the teacher, teacher doesn't help so she goes back to the child and smacks them?

Yes because otherwise she will be end up with bruises everywhere and she will be having no hope for any help in the school she will be just stand alone and cry having no hope. If you not allow your kids to hit back even if the teacher not react your kids are in distress because they scared of their bullies but they also scares of you because they afraid to hit back worry how you will react

Christmascrumbling · 07/12/2024 20:27

So you are raising your DC that if she doesn't agree with a teachers decision, she is OK to punch to wrong doer? And if she isn't dealt with properly for being equally as violent, do they get a free shot at your DC? Where does it end other than two violent children?

SidhuVicious · 07/12/2024 20:28

Christmascrumbling · 07/12/2024 20:16

The question is do you teach your DC to hit back. Hitting back is not self defence, it's retaliation.

Show quote history

Semantics. If somebody tries to assault you and you stop them in their tracks by hitting them, then it's self defence.

What do you think would happen if you assaulted a police officer? Would they employ reasonable force or do nothing?

Christmascrumbling · 07/12/2024 20:30

They don't tend to punch you..
It isn't semantics, self defence is used to escape a situation. Retaliation is revenge, totally different.

peachgreen · 07/12/2024 20:34

No, but I will absolutely teach her the best places to hit someone – particularly men – when you feel your life is under threat.

Kibble29 · 07/12/2024 20:35

This thread has sure escalated.

Teaching your kid to hit back isn’t self defence, that’s correct. But it is sending a message to any little shit who thinks they have a right to hurt them, that they won’t get off with it. To be honest, I don’t care if someone has suspected autism or some behavioural issue when it’s my kid getting hurt.

If my child (in years to come when he’s older) splits the lip or bloodies the nose of someone who was pushing them around, I’ll be happy with that. Of course I’d rather the situation never arises, but if it does, that’s the outcome I’d want.

Expecting meaningful intervention from teachers is often pointless - especially when you go beyond primary school age. So I’ll make sure he has the ability to sort it himself. Running away or crying to a teacher will only highlight a the target on someone’s back.

If he’s punished by school, fine. But he’ll return to school afterwards and can be confident that nobody will try and push him around again.

Julia34 · 07/12/2024 20:36

Christmascrumbling · 07/12/2024 20:27

So you are raising your DC that if she doesn't agree with a teachers decision, she is OK to punch to wrong doer? And if she isn't dealt with properly for being equally as violent, do they get a free shot at your DC? Where does it end other than two violent children?

Ok let me tell you on my example. When I was child I was hit by one boy in school on break time I go tell teenager and she told me "oh is nothing please play together" . So what I done I go back and the boy still keep beat me so I get up and push him he fall on the floor and this teacher who told me off when I ask for help call my parents to come school but because my parents was at work my adult brother come and he ask in front of teacher "why you push him" I said "cause he keep hitting me" "do you told teacher" "yes I did but teacher don't do nothing only send me away" . You know what my brother said to.me "you do very good " in front of teacher leaving her jaw to drop on the floor. Since then any time I hit someone back she never call nobody and she started to react when someone get bullied

Julia34 · 07/12/2024 20:37

I go tell teacher*

MagicalMystical · 07/12/2024 20:38

I too feel strongly about this. If you’ve tried telling a teacher, walking away etc, then fucking give them one hard enough that they won’t do it again.

In my experience, bullies are weak little bastards and are all mouth so it doesn’t take much to put them in their place.

Tagyoureit · 07/12/2024 20:41

Don't hit first but defend yourself.

There's one twunt in my son's class, hits everyone, kicks out, bangs doors, cupboards etc and is violent if he doesn't get his own way. He has repeatedly hurt other kids including my ds so ds knows he will never be in trouble for defending himself.

Kibble29 · 07/12/2024 20:42

MagicalMystical · 07/12/2024 20:38

I too feel strongly about this. If you’ve tried telling a teacher, walking away etc, then fucking give them one hard enough that they won’t do it again.

In my experience, bullies are weak little bastards and are all mouth so it doesn’t take much to put them in their place.

Correct.

Burst their mouth, bloody their nose. And let 50 people see you do it so that they all know that you aren’t a little shrinking violet.

MagicalMystical · 07/12/2024 20:45

Kibble29 · 07/12/2024 20:42

Correct.

Burst their mouth, bloody their nose. And let 50 people see you do it so that they all know that you aren’t a little shrinking violet.

Show quote history

And as my dear old dad (RIP) advised when he told me it was time to face up to my bully, throw your punch as if they are ‘this far away’ (further) rather than ‘this far’ (where they are, close to you) as you’ll do more damage that way.

(Reader: she never bothered me again…and even apologised a year or two later)

Christmascrumbling · 07/12/2024 20:45

Kibble29 · 07/12/2024 20:35

This thread has sure escalated.

Teaching your kid to hit back isn’t self defence, that’s correct. But it is sending a message to any little shit who thinks they have a right to hurt them, that they won’t get off with it. To be honest, I don’t care if someone has suspected autism or some behavioural issue when it’s my kid getting hurt.

If my child (in years to come when he’s older) splits the lip or bloodies the nose of someone who was pushing them around, I’ll be happy with that. Of course I’d rather the situation never arises, but if it does, that’s the outcome I’d want.

Expecting meaningful intervention from teachers is often pointless - especially when you go beyond primary school age. So I’ll make sure he has the ability to sort it himself. Running away or crying to a teacher will only highlight a the target on someone’s back.

If he’s punished by school, fine. But he’ll return to school afterwards and can be confident that nobody will try and push him around again.

But if he does it enough times, he doesn't return to school. And if he hurts someone enough in secondary, he also gets a criminal record for violence, that affects the rest of his life. So give him tools to get through secondary without resorting to violence at every turn.

Julia34 · 07/12/2024 20:45

Tagyoureit · 07/12/2024 20:41

Don't hit first but defend yourself.

There's one twunt in my son's class, hits everyone, kicks out, bangs doors, cupboards etc and is violent if he doesn't get his own way. He has repeatedly hurt other kids including my ds so ds knows he will never be in trouble for defending himself.

Exactly I can't imagine when the child is every day going full.of stress to.the school when bullies hit ,make laugh off and the child all alone have not even hope in teacher and neither in parents. This is recipe for suicide

DoreenonTill8 · 07/12/2024 20:55

Am I alone in thinking there's a correlation with those posters saying 'oh noooo your child should NEVER use physical means to defend against an attack at school' and posters who may have the child who is the bully and instigator of the assaults...🤔

DoreenonTill8 · 07/12/2024 21:00

Christmascrumbling · 07/12/2024 20:45

But if he does it enough times, he doesn't return to school. And if he hurts someone enough in secondary, he also gets a criminal record for violence, that affects the rest of his life. So give him tools to get through secondary without resorting to violence at every turn.

Show quote history

But of course you don't seem to think that there should be consequences for the bullying little scrote. Your posts paint you as having every excuse under the sun @Christmascrumbling for the actual villain of the piece, but wishing fire and brimstone for anyone who retaliates to them.

SueFielding · 07/12/2024 21:01

Yes of course. If someone else hits you then you hit back. Simples.

It really is the only way unless you want to continue to get bullied/walked over. Most bullies dont expect it back.

WearyAuldWumman · 07/12/2024 21:04

MagicalMystical · 07/12/2024 20:45

And as my dear old dad (RIP) advised when he told me it was time to face up to my bully, throw your punch as if they are ‘this far away’ (further) rather than ‘this far’ (where they are, close to you) as you’ll do more damage that way.

(Reader: she never bothered me again…and even apologised a year or two later)

Show quote history

My husband did a bit of boxing. He always said that if you were in a situation where you had to throw a punch, punch through the nose and aim for the back of the head.

Christmascrumbling · 07/12/2024 21:05

No, I just think we should raise our DC to behave how they are expected to behave in adult life. I actually think @DoreenonTill8 that there will be many parents of bullies on this thread. But not the ones that you mention. Many posters on here believe their DC and encourage violence, rather than working will the school. You can hear it in the pride some posters have at their child's violence.

But no I'm against violence because I work with women and children that experience domestic violence, and their exs are raised by parents that raise violent children and encourage violence in conflicts, which their DS' take forward into their marriages and parenting.