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Need a hand hold part 4

682 replies

Imbluedalale · 05/12/2024 17:02

Hi spoonies .
Welcome to season 4 xxx

OP posts:
Thread gallery
31
BeNavyCrab · 07/12/2024 23:49

Imbluedalale · 07/12/2024 21:02

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹Thank you so much @BeNavyCrab . What you wrote there is absolutely lovely.
I actually don’t mind the memories or flashbacks because they do help me in a way. Not only do they remind me of how evil ex is but also they reassure me that my version of the event was the truth and I wasn’t going crazy nor was I making things up or as ex put it ‘making a silly story up in my messed up head’ . I didn’t realise that me double checking everything now is an impact from that. Whenever I go outside to the bins and come back in and lock the door I always have to check 2/3 times that I’ve locked it even though I know I have and last night for example I had to get up around 2am to make sure I’d turned the bath tap off. I’m always questioning myself .
Ex used to always say I’m a ‘wrong un’ and the most hurtful one that ‘I’m a bad egg’. He also said after around a year of being together that my dad pulled him aside when we got together and said ‘be very careful of her she’s not right in the head’ and for 15 years I believed that my dad had said that because I had no reason to think that he’d lie to me about something like that. But my dad never said it, when we had a heart to heart that first time we met to talk my dad promised me he never said it or that he would even think it.
I really hope that one day I’ll be able to look in a mirror and like what I see but I think I’m a long way off that . My mum keeps telling me I need a bathroom mirror but I like not having one in there that way I can brush my teeth or wash my hands/face and not have to worry about catching a glimpse of myself. When your told your ugly inside and out on a daily basis you do start to believe it .
One positive thing I have noticed is I’m a lot more positive and calmer. Before I was constantly on edge and jittery but now I feel so much calmer and when bad things happen like what ex is doing I do have a good cry but then I try and dust myself down and work through it xx

I can understand why you don't want a mirror. When I first became disabled and for a number of years after, I didn't want to talk about or think about my past or the sailing that was a massive part of my life. It was just too painful, so for my own sanity I shut it all down. Whatever you need to do to get through it, do that and don't feel bad or let others judge you for it. It's totally up to you if and when you want to tackle being able to look in the mirror. My gut says that you eventually will and it probably won't feel that hard, once you truly believe that you aren't all the things everyone has told you that you were.

I know that it's hurting you to get short one word texts from your youngest. Don't forget that he might be being observed or monitored and not free to text what he wants to. Trust in his love for you and try not to react badly. Being the positive loving voice in his life and being there for him is so important. Remember he's a victim of control too and will be under pressure to conform.

Eek the sharp knife in the sink. I'm a bit paranoid about them after my husband forgot about it once and my daughter was washing up and unaware that there was something underneath the plates. Luckily she always wears gloves like you get in a chemist lab because of her sensory sensitivities. They have a small amount of cut resistance and our knives are very rarely that sharp, so it wasn't too bad. We have a designated place to put them so we know they need a wash but my husband still forgets sometimes. The "Mum guilt" of it possibly happening again makes me always check out what's in the sink first now.

@Apolloneuro Your baking looks brilliant. I bet it was rather tasty too. My husband made some flapjacks this afternoon and I loved the smell of it cooking. You could smell the sweet treacle and butter, the best Christmasy smell ever. I'm glad you are feeling better bladder wise and keeping my fingers crossed for your appointment on the 17th.

@AdmittowearingCrocs and @Zippedydodah
Love all the inside stories, my kids love wearing because they keep out the draughts but they are awkward in the loo. My daughter feels the cold and she will double wear or even triple wear furry things like onesies or those hoody/blankets. She will grab mine to go over the top of it all and resembles a massive teddy with a bright red face. 😂

@Munchyseeds2 I really like Outlander too, the series is just as good as the books are. It's lovely to be able to spend time together with family. It's the thing I am most excited about this Christmas.

nornironlady · 08/12/2024 07:02

Good morning Spoonies. I can still hear wind this morning but not wheelie bins blowing everywhere!
The use of the toilet is my number one reason for never owning an all in one of any type. I'm not keen on looking like an adult baby 😂
A good friend got me a hot pink one with Betty Boop who I liked in my teens but I was in my 20's by then. If you knew me this would be the last thing you would think I would wear so not sure what she was thinking.

@Imbluedalale I'm a little worried for your son. That the people he lives with are abusers and need a victim. Now you are no longer there they are turning to him.
@BeNavyCrab can probably put this in much better wording with regards to the behaviour at play. She writes so beautifully. So descriptive and even if I didn't understand half the boat terms, I still love reading about it! The crafting descriptions are amazing. It makes me want my own huge craft box full of amazing pens. I am particular about a good biro for my diary keeping.
I agree with not allowing the grandma near your home. She was complicit in your abuse. No question.
Again I wake up another morning in total awe at the wonderful, inspiring human being you are.
I think I can hear a cock crowing......I know someone used to have one not too far away but I'm sure he's been going a good 5 minutes here 😂 lucky I'm awake!
Here's to another lazy day at home with the heating on.

nornironlady · 08/12/2024 07:05

@Apolloneuro the scones did look lovely. I bought a bag of homemade ones in Spar and they are actually very good.
Did yours taste as good as did you have anything on them? It's butter then jam for me in that order!

Apolloneuro · 08/12/2024 07:20

nornironlady · 08/12/2024 07:05

@Apolloneuro the scones did look lovely. I bought a bag of homemade ones in Spar and they are actually very good.
Did yours taste as good as did you have anything on them? It's butter then jam for me in that order!

Morning lovelies.

Hope everyone had a lovely sleep. I’m awake and dying for a cuppa but everyone (including the cat as a person here 😂) is still asleep.

@nornironlady as I live in Devon, the only way is cream, then jam, so your way of butter and then jam is correct (although butter, not clotted cream 🤷🏻‍♀️)

nornironlady · 08/12/2024 07:30

@Apolloneuro I know the order of scone toppings can be quite controversial!
I got up and put heat on at 6.30 and the cat came up to bed for about 20mins. He can't wait to get out. I've got my tea and the tree lights on watching Rueben Owen. Anyone watch Our Yorkshire Farm? I just love Amanda, Clive and the brood. Proper feel good watching. It never gets old!

spoonfulofmustard · 08/12/2024 09:42

Imbluedalale · 07/12/2024 21:20

Hi @spoonfulofmustard , how are you?
I hope everything is ok and you get the work stuff sorted out. Sending you a big hug.
How was your afternoon with your friend?
The wind is still howling here I’ve just checked and it says it’s going to stop around tomorrow lunchtime. They are still building on the street and all the barrier things have blown all into the road.
I heard Liverpool Christmas market had to close for the day . That’s a shame 😂
I hope your all wrapped up warm at home , I’ve just put my heating on for a few hours as can’t get warm tonight xx

it was lovely thank you, presents and mulled wine, what more do you need! counteracted by a trip to the dentist this morning for a hygeniest appointment 😁. when the rain finally stops here i need to go and rescue some of my plants that have fallen over.. hope everyone has more exciting plans then me for today! x

BeNavyCrab · 08/12/2024 14:02

nornironlady · 08/12/2024 07:02

Good morning Spoonies. I can still hear wind this morning but not wheelie bins blowing everywhere!
The use of the toilet is my number one reason for never owning an all in one of any type. I'm not keen on looking like an adult baby 😂
A good friend got me a hot pink one with Betty Boop who I liked in my teens but I was in my 20's by then. If you knew me this would be the last thing you would think I would wear so not sure what she was thinking.

@Imbluedalale I'm a little worried for your son. That the people he lives with are abusers and need a victim. Now you are no longer there they are turning to him.
@BeNavyCrab can probably put this in much better wording with regards to the behaviour at play. She writes so beautifully. So descriptive and even if I didn't understand half the boat terms, I still love reading about it! The crafting descriptions are amazing. It makes me want my own huge craft box full of amazing pens. I am particular about a good biro for my diary keeping.
I agree with not allowing the grandma near your home. She was complicit in your abuse. No question.
Again I wake up another morning in total awe at the wonderful, inspiring human being you are.
I think I can hear a cock crowing......I know someone used to have one not too far away but I'm sure he's been going a good 5 minutes here 😂 lucky I'm awake!
Here's to another lazy day at home with the heating on.

@nornironlady It's lovely of you to give me such a nice comment and I'm glad you enjoyed the crafting information. I'm never sure if people are interested or not. I'm with you about being particular about pens. Especially with something precious that you want to be able to keep forever, like your diary, you want it to look good. My husband was a bit mystified why I would like different pens. Then when I explained that some ink bleeds through the page, or smudges, makes blobs, leaves train lines where the rollerball goes or looks scratchy, he sort of understood. Those are the major considerations of defects before you get to line weight, consistency of line or the colour of the ink. So yes, I like different pens too. 😜

I've been gifted a box of acrylic paint pens by a friend and I haven't been brave enough to use them until now. I have problems with shaking arms and/or lack of sensation in them at times, which can make it challenging. I'm not one of those people who can pick up a drawing implement and create something amazing. So I rely on stamping, due cutting or stencils to get the shapes I want and then use colouring products.

Just be warned that once you start down the crafting rabbit hole, there's no turning back. For me not only do I get the enjoyment of making something. I like the ability to make something with a person in mind and feel more connected to them. Not being able to get out much or visit can make you feel a bit lonely and isolated, so in a way it combat it.

@Apolloneuro By living in Cornwall I'm automatically supposed to disagree with you about the order of cream and jam on scones but we are friends and that trumps all other gastronomic considerations! 😜 In my book, as long as there's plenty of cream and jam, there's no issues in how you have your scones and I'd happily help you to consume them.

Apolloneuro · 08/12/2024 14:06

That is very generous and community minded of you @BeNavyCrab Make sure none of your fellow Cornwallians ever hear you say that out loud though 😂

BeNavyCrab · 08/12/2024 14:10

Apolloneuro · 08/12/2024 14:06

That is very generous and community minded of you @BeNavyCrab Make sure none of your fellow Cornwallians ever hear you say that out loud though 😂

Well I'm not "really Cornish" you know but I'll not let anyone know about it or the lynching party will be at the door. 😜

Apolloneuro · 08/12/2024 17:33

BeNavyCrab · 08/12/2024 14:10

Well I'm not "really Cornish" you know but I'll not let anyone know about it or the lynching party will be at the door. 😜

I thought of you earlier.

Daughter and family came round to have a scone. I’m stood in the kitchen and overheard son in law say to granddaughter “It’s very important to put the cream on first, then jam.”

The husband piped up with “Yes. We’re not in Cornwall!”

Munchyseeds2 · 08/12/2024 18:53

@Imbluedalale yesterday we went to a restaurant /pub local to us
I shared a baked camenbert with DH then I had a duck leg with mash and veg...we were all too full for pud
Today I did the butter chicken in the instant pot, we had it with rice and nan...it was yummy and I will definitely cook it again

I need to stop eating really, I'm out twice on Wednesday this week and all my clothes are getting tight😂

I hope you have had a cosy day and that tomorrow goes well for you lovely xx

Imbluedalale · 08/12/2024 19:02

BeNavyCrab · 07/12/2024 23:49

I can understand why you don't want a mirror. When I first became disabled and for a number of years after, I didn't want to talk about or think about my past or the sailing that was a massive part of my life. It was just too painful, so for my own sanity I shut it all down. Whatever you need to do to get through it, do that and don't feel bad or let others judge you for it. It's totally up to you if and when you want to tackle being able to look in the mirror. My gut says that you eventually will and it probably won't feel that hard, once you truly believe that you aren't all the things everyone has told you that you were.

I know that it's hurting you to get short one word texts from your youngest. Don't forget that he might be being observed or monitored and not free to text what he wants to. Trust in his love for you and try not to react badly. Being the positive loving voice in his life and being there for him is so important. Remember he's a victim of control too and will be under pressure to conform.

Eek the sharp knife in the sink. I'm a bit paranoid about them after my husband forgot about it once and my daughter was washing up and unaware that there was something underneath the plates. Luckily she always wears gloves like you get in a chemist lab because of her sensory sensitivities. They have a small amount of cut resistance and our knives are very rarely that sharp, so it wasn't too bad. We have a designated place to put them so we know they need a wash but my husband still forgets sometimes. The "Mum guilt" of it possibly happening again makes me always check out what's in the sink first now.

@Apolloneuro Your baking looks brilliant. I bet it was rather tasty too. My husband made some flapjacks this afternoon and I loved the smell of it cooking. You could smell the sweet treacle and butter, the best Christmasy smell ever. I'm glad you are feeling better bladder wise and keeping my fingers crossed for your appointment on the 17th.

@AdmittowearingCrocs and @Zippedydodah
Love all the inside stories, my kids love wearing because they keep out the draughts but they are awkward in the loo. My daughter feels the cold and she will double wear or even triple wear furry things like onesies or those hoody/blankets. She will grab mine to go over the top of it all and resembles a massive teddy with a bright red face. 😂

@Munchyseeds2 I really like Outlander too, the series is just as good as the books are. It's lovely to be able to spend time together with family. It's the thing I am most excited about this Christmas.

Hi @BeNavyCrab , how’s your day been? Good I hope. I hope you managed to keep warm and cosy and that the wing didn’t cause too much hassle. It’s stopped here now thankfully, it stopped around lunchtime.
I’m feeling a little rubbish today , it’s been one of those days where you just want to get back into bed and curl up until tomorrow. I think a combination of missing kids , being due on and feeling exhausted all the time doesn’t help. But I will be ok.
I don’t want my parents to know I’m feeling upset because I don’t want to cause my mum any more stress or make her poorly again so I’m just trying to ride it out . It’s a bad day not a bad life .
Knives are scary aren’t they I’ve definitely learnt my lesson now. It’s stopped bleeding now but is sore. I’m glad your daughter was ok and wasn’t too badly hurt. Mum guilt is awful isn’t it .
Sending you big hugs xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 08/12/2024 19:13

nornironlady · 08/12/2024 07:02

Good morning Spoonies. I can still hear wind this morning but not wheelie bins blowing everywhere!
The use of the toilet is my number one reason for never owning an all in one of any type. I'm not keen on looking like an adult baby 😂
A good friend got me a hot pink one with Betty Boop who I liked in my teens but I was in my 20's by then. If you knew me this would be the last thing you would think I would wear so not sure what she was thinking.

@Imbluedalale I'm a little worried for your son. That the people he lives with are abusers and need a victim. Now you are no longer there they are turning to him.
@BeNavyCrab can probably put this in much better wording with regards to the behaviour at play. She writes so beautifully. So descriptive and even if I didn't understand half the boat terms, I still love reading about it! The crafting descriptions are amazing. It makes me want my own huge craft box full of amazing pens. I am particular about a good biro for my diary keeping.
I agree with not allowing the grandma near your home. She was complicit in your abuse. No question.
Again I wake up another morning in total awe at the wonderful, inspiring human being you are.
I think I can hear a cock crowing......I know someone used to have one not too far away but I'm sure he's been going a good 5 minutes here 😂 lucky I'm awake!
Here's to another lazy day at home with the heating on.

Hi @nornironlady , I hope you’ve had a lovely day and that your dinner was lovely.
Oh we have to see this betty boop onesie 😂
Re ex and his witch of a mother know they wouldn’t ever psychically hurt my children they just want to hurt me as much as they can by trying to keep them from me.
Again thank you for your lovely kind words they really mean so much xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 08/12/2024 19:14

Apolloneuro · 08/12/2024 07:20

Morning lovelies.

Hope everyone had a lovely sleep. I’m awake and dying for a cuppa but everyone (including the cat as a person here 😂) is still asleep.

@nornironlady as I live in Devon, the only way is cream, then jam, so your way of butter and then jam is correct (although butter, not clotted cream 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Evening @Apolloneuro , how’s your day been? Good I hope.
Have you had a scone yet?xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 08/12/2024 19:17

spoonfulofmustard · 08/12/2024 09:42

it was lovely thank you, presents and mulled wine, what more do you need! counteracted by a trip to the dentist this morning for a hygeniest appointment 😁. when the rain finally stops here i need to go and rescue some of my plants that have fallen over.. hope everyone has more exciting plans then me for today! x

Hi @spoonfulofmustard , how your you today?
So pleased you had a lovely time at the market.
How did your dentist appointment go?
I hope the rain managed to stop for you where you are. It’s finally stopped here Aswell as the wind but it’s been freezing today xx

OP posts:
spoonfulofmustard · 08/12/2024 19:25

Imbluedalale · 08/12/2024 19:17

Hi @spoonfulofmustard , how your you today?
So pleased you had a lovely time at the market.
How did your dentist appointment go?
I hope the rain managed to stop for you where you are. It’s finally stopped here Aswell as the wind but it’s been freezing today xx

rain still going here in london, due to stop overnight though hopefully! just in time for back to work 🤣 if you ever feel down and lonely just know we're all with you in spirit xx

Imbluedalale · 08/12/2024 19:29

Munchyseeds2 · 08/12/2024 18:53

@Imbluedalale yesterday we went to a restaurant /pub local to us
I shared a baked camenbert with DH then I had a duck leg with mash and veg...we were all too full for pud
Today I did the butter chicken in the instant pot, we had it with rice and nan...it was yummy and I will definitely cook it again

I need to stop eating really, I'm out twice on Wednesday this week and all my clothes are getting tight😂

I hope you have had a cosy day and that tomorrow goes well for you lovely xx

Hi @Munchyseeds2 , are you ok?
Your meal out yesterday sounds absolutely delicious. It’s made my mouth water.
Im so glad you enjoyed the butter chicken. It’s lovely homely food isn’t it.
I haven’t had anything to eat yet today I might make some cheese on toast and a cup of tea. Getting picked up early for my op tomorrow by an ambulance and I probably won’t be able to sleep so I’m going to binge watch telly.
And don’t worry about the eating , it’s winter so you need an extra coating . We can worry about that in January xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 08/12/2024 19:33

spoonfulofmustard · 08/12/2024 19:25

rain still going here in london, due to stop overnight though hopefully! just in time for back to work 🤣 if you ever feel down and lonely just know we're all with you in spirit xx

Awww thank you @spoonfulofmustard , that’s a lovely thought. ❤️
Heard some sad news today don’t remember me telling you about the guy in the crisis house who made a cheese board for us? Well he’s had another breakdown and is in hospital. I was only talking to him the other day and he seemed to be coping really well. You just never know what somebody is going through do you? Xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 08/12/2024 19:36

Erm just to let you know that Amazon have verified my review and it’s out there!

Need a hand hold part 4
OP posts:
nornironlady · 08/12/2024 19:45

@Imbluedalale so proud of your review!
I gave that onesie away to the first person silly enough to want it. I've never seen anything like it again. Nor do I want to.
Just thinking what random chat you will be subjected ro tomorrow in the ambulance. You do seem to attract them!!
@BeNavyCrab I could never have explained the pen preference so eloquently! Your descriptions are fantastic. Thank you for sharing how your disability impacts you. I'm very interested as you really are a positive presence here despite your difficulties.
I have a kid craft box but my son was never really bothered 😕 I've a sewing machine I'm determined to get to grips with some day too.
I planted some willow cuttings today so I'm also hoping to be able to weave when it's long enough. Big plans!

AdmittowearingCrocs · 08/12/2024 19:51

Hi Laura and the Spoonies gang, loving the Amazon review, made me giggle 😂😂😂
Sending you lots of good thoughts and wishes for your op tomorrow Laura, I will be thinking of you and holding your hand and I’m sure all the other Spoonies will be too. You are not alone this time, you have us.
Praying for a speedy recovery for you 💐💐

Imbluedalale · 08/12/2024 19:52

nornironlady · 08/12/2024 19:45

@Imbluedalale so proud of your review!
I gave that onesie away to the first person silly enough to want it. I've never seen anything like it again. Nor do I want to.
Just thinking what random chat you will be subjected ro tomorrow in the ambulance. You do seem to attract them!!
@BeNavyCrab I could never have explained the pen preference so eloquently! Your descriptions are fantastic. Thank you for sharing how your disability impacts you. I'm very interested as you really are a positive presence here despite your difficulties.
I have a kid craft box but my son was never really bothered 😕 I've a sewing machine I'm determined to get to grips with some day too.
I planted some willow cuttings today so I'm also hoping to be able to weave when it's long enough. Big plans!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣I was hoping you’d wear it to my book launch night.
The last ambulance guy wouldn’t stop talking bless him. The funny thing was there was laminated cards in the back saying that the driver was deaf and hard of hearing . He wasn’t that day!
You’re all so talented on here you all put me to shame although I can play three blind mice on a recorder!xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 08/12/2024 19:56

AdmittowearingCrocs · 08/12/2024 19:51

Hi Laura and the Spoonies gang, loving the Amazon review, made me giggle 😂😂😂
Sending you lots of good thoughts and wishes for your op tomorrow Laura, I will be thinking of you and holding your hand and I’m sure all the other Spoonies will be too. You are not alone this time, you have us.
Praying for a speedy recovery for you 💐💐

Hi @AdmittowearingCrocs , how’s your weekend been? Good I hope.
I never actually thought they would publish my review 😂. I wonder if somebody reads it and then goes ‘I’m buying one of those’.
Thank you so much for the lovely thoughts and wishes for tomorrow and for holding my hand. It does feel kinda scary going for it on my own but I will be ok. I’ll be thinking of all you spoonies.
Battle scars that’s what I keep telling myself xx

OP posts:
nornironlady · 08/12/2024 20:03

@Imbluedalale it probably wasn't far off the colour of @Apolloneuro I think....shiny pink trousers. Maybe a pyjama party themed launch would suit the spoons much better 🤔

Imbluedalale · 08/12/2024 20:17

nornironlady · 08/12/2024 20:03

@Imbluedalale it probably wasn't far off the colour of @Apolloneuro I think....shiny pink trousers. Maybe a pyjama party themed launch would suit the spoons much better 🤔

🤣🤣🤣🤣Aslong as it’s not a onesie themed launch , could you imagine us all queuing for the toilet? We’d have to help each other and we’d see crevices that should never see the light of day 🤣🤣🤣xx

OP posts: