Need a hand hold part 4

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies .
Welcome to season 4 xxx

Please don't feel bad Laura, it's normal not to be able to see it when you are in an abusive relationship. It's part of the control and manipulation of your self worth and it's done slowly and methodically, so it's hard for you to notice and even when you do, you feel it's somehow your fault and deserve it. Especially with the situation of having his family members living next door and agreeing/enabling him, it's even worse because everyone in your environment is adding to it. It really and truly isn't your fault. There's nothing you could have done better, sooner or know about at the time because it's not about you. This is how these pieces of shits work and go on to create a history of toxicity with multiple partners. Be immensely proud of breaking out, surviving to see the blindfold taken off. So many never do!!

Thank you very much @TealPoet , that’s so lovely of you to say.
I haven't seen perform this way I’ll have to have a google. Just making my tea having fish and peas and a cup of tea.
I hope you’ve had a lovely day xx

Evening @RaspberryBeretxx , how’s your day been?
I might babe to change my bedding tonight and then Switch it back when my mum comes 😂 I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
I have watched season 1 & 2 of bridgerton and I really enjoyed them but I didn’t end up watching it this morning I watched ‘my wife the abuser’ . I fancied abit of light telly watching .
Have you watched season 3? Which one was your best?
It always broke my heart when ex said that to youngest but he always used what he used to dad to me ‘in trying to help him’ like he used to say he’s trying to help me be a better person.
What I do know is that I’m definitely a better person without him.
My support workers today have been lovely they said I’m coping really well and said my house is lovely and it’s lovely to see me calm and not shaking and they can see Laura emerging 🥹
I spoke to school and they are posting me youngest work what he’s missed so I can try and help him catch up . They also said that his dad hasn’t kept his side of the agreement up by keeping in contact with them. But that doesn’t surprise me .
Im sorry to hear about your tree, I hope your rug drys soon.
Could I please be in the backing chorus with you ? We could wear those spoon dresses 😃xx

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I can’t 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sounds absolutely bliss I hope you have a lovely time. Don’t forget to look for spoon baubles xx

I’m allergic to bees too 🤣xx

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣or hopping xx

Oh god that has brought tears to my eyes.
I needed to hear that today , thank you so much.
You’re so right on how they slowly work and demoralise you and making you realise it’s all your fault. He even tried to make me think I was going crazy, I remember a few years ago I was going through a bad blip with my mental health and he made me believe things that weren’t there. There was a van in front of us one day driving and the reg spelt out something similar to ‘your evil’ but obviously it had numbers in today but your could read it as that. He convinced me it was a sign . A few weeks after this I woke up one day to all my sheet having slash marks all over it and ripped everywhere in straight lines and he told me it was a sign from the devil so I believed him, it sounds so stupid to say this now but that’s what I thought. My mental health team were really worried and put me on Olamzapine which is for psychosis. Funnily enough I havnt had them since I left and I don’t need them.
I hope you feel better soon sending you a huge hug xx

Oh sweetheart it doesn't sound strange. I mean in the cold light of day, without him manufacturing "proof", yes, you wouldn't believe it. That's so vile behaviour, using your illness to control you. I'm quite interested in human behaviour as a subject. Did you know that if you show someone a fake photo of "proof" and ask them to tell you about when they did it, even if you initially are adamant and actually it never happened, you'll believe that "proof" to be true? Our brains will get parts of truth and then add on inventions of imagination to flesh out the story to match. We then can't distinguish from the story with "proof" and what actually happened. There have been a number of studies done on this, as well as how people can give false confessions because of the treatment of them by a person in authority or who has power over them. We all think we are strong and it couldn't happen to us but it is possible.

So in the case of the van, you get a glimpse of the shape of the words and having someone who verified that it said "You're Evil" would intensify your thoughts. To actually then "make the picture" by slashing the bedclothes and saying the devil did it because of you, would make it very difficult to fight against believing it. I'm sure he will have constantly reinforced it over and over to you. It's actually mental torture and highly disturbing that he has done this to you!!

@Imbluedalale he is the evil one my lovely!!

But you did it, you got away from him and his disgusting family
You are amazing!! Xx

Laura, having that kind of coercion and mental torture and abuse from your bastard of an ex and then coming through and being able to survive and thrive the way you are now, just proves how incredibly strong you are and if you can survive that, you can survive anything else he tries to throw at you.
You are amazing, resourceful, kind, funny and such a lovely person, as well as being a great mum. Just like that man in hospital said, don’t let anyone dim your light. Sending you a massive hug 🤗

That’s a good plan to change the sheets and change back when your mum comes 🤣. Or if it gets really icy cold you’ll be glad of them!

that’s great your support worker meeting was good. It must be so lovely for them to see you being you and how calm your home is.

How was My wife, my abuser? It looks hard watching but also interesting 🤔.

Thats so awful that your ex would say to you and your youngest that he was trying to help you and make you better people. It’s just so twisted. You’re so right though, you are better off without him and he’s starting to see that.

Im glad the school are sending you your youngest work to help him with and that they’re clearly not too impressed with you ex. It’s all useful to have all that documented with an authority.

Hope you’ve had a lovely dinner and a relaxed evening. I had a dull day of doing accounts. I may have Christmas peaked too soon this evening by watching the new Netflix Lindsay lohan christmas rom com 🙈😆.

I think in bridgerton I liked the second series best. The third is a bit cringe at times but also really good. They are all good though 😁. Great escapism!

yes please join the backing chorus, definitely in the spoons dresses 😆😆🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄!

So well said 👏👏. I agree.

The way he tried to twist things in your mind with the number plate and the slashed sheets is just horrifying Laura. I think one of the things in the Lundy Bancroft book is that a common thing among abused women is confusion and lack of trust in themselves. Sending a big hug. You’re out now and while it will take a long time to unpick and heal, at least you’re now on the start of that journey 💕✨

Good morning Spoonies! Have you all made it through the storm. It's still howling here. I was quite unsettled during the night so I got up for a cuppa. The cat has headed on out, he might blow past the window soon as he's still a kitten really! I'm taking the advice and staying at home.
@Imbluedalale I really can't believe what you've been through and the inner strength you have that clearly compels you to keep going. Your depth of caring and empathy for others truly humbles me every day. You are a very special lady.

@ImbluedalaleI Know I don’t comment as often as others but I’m still following your thread. Just know you have done so well with everything you have been through. I am out of an abusive marriage now but what happened to me still affects me to this day. I have my good days and bad days despite counselling and my happy pills. But I’m so much happier and I have my freedom which is priceless. You are a strong woman and we are all behind you. Your new home is lovely. You are safe now and your future is so much brighter without that horrible man dimming your light. 💐

It's absolutely howling here and it's been a very disruptive night. It's the time that I find it hard being on a boat. We are leaning towards the quay and for the majority of the time we don't float, depending on if it's spring tides or not. However in very windy weather it shakes the whole boat and there's lots of noise from the tarpaulin covering the deck. Not to mention the sound of the halyards banging against the masts of the other boats on the hard around us. We are safe, because my husband has got a masthead line to a stake in the ground, to prevent us from leaning away from the quay and falling over but it is wearing and a bit stressful.

Hopefully everyone else is ok and haven't had any damage. There's been a few trees losing branches. The local parkrun has been cancelled and I'm glad that there aren't runners out in the weather.

Good afternoon @BeNavyCrab , how are you today? I hope you’re keeping warm and safe during this storm. It’s absolutely blowing a gale here.
That’s really interesting about showing somebody a picture of proof , I never knew that but it does make sense because there was many times my ex said something didn’t happen or happened in a different way and it made me think that my version of the truth wasn’t true and because my mental health was bad I thought it was me. I actually took a photo of the van when ex said it was a sign proving I’m evil . I was looking at it last night and now I wouldn’t think anything of it but at the time it was very frightening especially with the sheets too. I’ve been finding since I’ve not been there memories that flash into my mind which I had forgotten about although I knew they happened and they just hit me at the most random times during the day xx

@BeNavyCrab I was particularly thinking of you in the storm. Not sure what part of the country you are. That does sound unsettling. My front fence between us and neighbours has come down but in one piece! We should manage a patch up job at some point!

Hi @Munchyseeds2 , how are you today?
I must be feeling emotional at the moment because that brought a tear to my eye too.
Thank you so much that means so much to me.
I hope you are keeping safe during this storm xx

Good afternoon @AdmittowearingCrocs . Are you ok?
Well now I’m sobbing 😭 but not sad tears just tears of relief that I’m no longer trapped there and having abuse thrown at me everyday and for your lovely kind words too.
You’re all absolutely amazing and I’m so so grateful and thankful that I’ve met such wonderful people. I truly believe I wouldn’t be where I am , safe in my own home without all of your spoonies guidance and support . Oh I’m so emotional today got tears streaming down my face writing that.
I wish you all knew how much I’m thankful 😌 xx

Hi @RaspberryBeretxx , how are you today? I hope you’re safe and warm.
I didn’t end up changing the sheets which was a stupid bad idea to not because I had a lovely hot bath last night and decided to put a onesie pyjama thing on. My sister gave me it last week when she came. Well all I can is the best way to describe how I looked in it is imagine a giant adult baby with a pot belly . It definitely wasn’t my best look. And every time I needed a wee it was a mission to take the top half off , you basically had to fold it down. I had to sit on the toilet with my boobs out and many times I thought how ridiculous I looked. I don’t think I’ll be eager to wear that again .
My wife, my abuser was good to watch but also sad . That poor man and what he went through. I hope he is able to get a nice hug and is recovering. ❤️‍🩹
I have started watching Joan now and I’m enjoying it . Have you watched anything good lately?
My dinner was lovely thank you, it still feels so nice to be able to make proper food . I’ve got soup for today and going to have it with warm crusty bread.
How was the Lindsay lohan film? I saw that and added it to my watch list. Have you ever seen ‘miracles from heaven’? That’s a good film.
I liked the second one best too of bridgerton . I started watching series three but then got fed up of the romance and everything with how I’m feeling so I’ll save it to finish another time.
Right I’ll order you a spoon dress too, we need another backing singer though , any volunteers?xx

Good afternoon @nornironlady , how are you today? It’s still howling here too , it’s so loud.
Are you doing anything nice at home today?
Im undecided on whether to watch tv or read a book 🤔
Your last paragraph 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹, thank you 🙏 xx

Hi @EdgeOfReality , it’s lovely to hear from you. How are you? Good I hope 🤞
Thank you so much for following my thread that’s so lovely . I still can’t believe people read my threads and my story . It still seems surreal.
I’m sorry to hear you was in an abusive marriage too but I’m so pleased to hear that you got out and being able to live again. It feels great waking up every day knowing your no longer going through hell doesn’t it . My biggest relief is being able to rest , my ex’s mum hated me resting when I was unwell and used to come into my bedroom when I was asleep and bang pans over my head telling me to wake up and stop being lazy. But I couldn’t sleep at night and I felt exhausted I was getting about an hour sleep a day.
You are a strong woman too and I am proud of you that you got out. I know it’s the hardest thing to do .
Ok now I need tissues 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹xx

Thinking of you @BeNavyCrab , sending you a big hug . Glad to hear your all safe . Just a few more hours and it will pass lovely xx