Need a hand hold part 4

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies .
Welcome to season 4 xxx

Morning (or afternoon 🤦🏻‍♀️) spoonies.

Hope the cat survived going out @nornironlady ?! I think mine has been in her bed all morning, she hasn’t even bothered to come and say hello 😝.

sending a hug @EdgeOfReality 💐. That sounds really tough and I’m so glad you got out and have your freedom.

@BeNavyCrab i forgot you’re on a boat! That does sound stressful. That good your DH has secured the boat. We were in a tent on a cliff in high winds a year or so ago and the noise was awful!

I’m having a day of cleaning as it really needs doing and DP’s parents are coming over tomorrow.

Hope you’re ok today Laura @Imbluedalale xxx

Ooh, I didn’t see your posts when I posted mine 🤦🏻‍♀️🤪.

🤣🤣 at the giant babygro! I remember onesies being in when I was in my teens but they sort of got stuck right up your crack 🙈🤣. Sounds like you had a very hot night (in the temperature sense!).

ah, yeah I can imagine super romantic bridgerton not quite what you need right now. The Lindsey lohan film was good but not quite as good as last years when she was a spoilt brat who then lost her memory and turned good. I can’t remember what it was called. Both very easy watching! I haven’t seen miracles from heaven, I’ll add to my list 😁. I like virgin river on Netflix that has a new series coming out soon. It’s a bit romantic but has various story lines running through. Sweet magnolias is quite a nice gentle watch with lovely female friendships at the heart of it 🥰.

With your ex and the van number plate, I definitely think people put onto other people what they are so I think that’s why your ex tried to get you to believe you’re evil. Because he knows he is. I think maybe it’s a good sign that memories are popping up randomly and that it’s your mind/body’s way of dealing with them fully. I think just keep talking to us or your support worker or family and hopefully processing things gradually will help and having people remind you that you’re amazing, a great mum and basically the exact opposite of all the things your ex said. Big hug!

Soup sounds lovely and perfect for today. I’m not sure what to do for later. Something that involves very little mess now the kitchen is all clean 🤣.

@Imbluedalale I've have the heating on and my decisions on whether to watch tv or do a puzzle are just as taxing as yours!
@RaspberryBeretxx the cat was in and out as usual between showers. He will sleep all day now and head back out after 6pm. What a life!

@Imbluedalale Raspberry is absolutely spot on. It's your mind decompressing and trying to process. That's why it's so damaging and evil to make someone not be able to trust their experience of the world. You never know which way is up and that trickles through into every aspect of life. Even stupid things like, "Did I put the milk back in the fridge" etc, you can't trust anything you think is true, actually happened. The more unsure of yourself, the more you rely on others to tell you what is what. That gave them the ability to force you into being locked in to their reality and making you unable to believe yourself.

It's all ok to not be there yet. Be kind and patient with yourself. They spent years taking you apart.
You've learnt the first lesson is to not accept whatever shit anyone wants to serve you. You've learnt that reaching out to wholesome supportive people can help you to regain your equilibrium. You know that you aren't "less" because you have a mental health condition and you aren't crazy.

Now you are at the start of recovery. The more you are free of the poison, you will see that you are not what they said you are, you never were! You're going to see that you are making sensible decisions, overcome challenges, learning to like yourself again and that will slowly sink in. Soon you'll realise that you have confidence and be immensely proud of yourself. At the moment your feeling it from the people who are supporting you, like your MH team and your Spoonies. Imagine how it's going to feel to carry that feeling inside your heart and head and feel it's true. You're not going to wonder why people are saying they see all these lovely qualities in you because you are going to KNOW that they are just describing what you are. It's going to take time and confronting difficult memories. You might "relapse" or have days where you want to hide under a rock and never come out. One day it will be normal to think of yourself as the strong, clever, emotionally intelligent, compassionate and fierce warrior you are.

Until then we are here for you to remind you of the truth, to help you cope with the shenanigans and emotional manipulation from your ex etc. Remember that we are helping but it's You who is managing and doing it. That doesn't happen by magic, it happens because of you and your strength. Even when you don't feel it or quite believe it, it's still there!!

We are in beautiful Cornwall. One of the previous storms blew my parents fence down too. Hopefully when it's calmed down, you will be able to get it back into place. At least you will have all the bits of it, as it's in one piece. My husband had a bit of fun with my parents one as it was more like an IKEA jigsaw with half the bits missing. He works with wood so he was able to find some leftover wood to fix it for them and now you wouldn't know.

Here's today's card for everyone to enjoy. I used the plastic packaging a die set came in as an extra layer on the card front. It's thicker than normal acetate, so it wouldn't bend nicely, so I attached it with a card strip on the top. I stenciled with a white acrylic paint pen and coloured from the opposite side. The black card has gold gel pen with the same stencils to fill the background in. I also found u could use the round dotting end of the acrylic paint pens to ink up the sentiment before stamping. My inspiration was stained glass windows. I love the way light seems to glow through them and gives you all those rich colours. Forgive me for still being in my nighty, it's one of those days where you feel like hibernating. 🤣

@BeNavyCrab what a beautiful card. Someone will be very happy to receive it. 🌻

Lovely posts from everyone 🥰

This has been my creative pleasure today. I think the scones are going to crumble. Think mixture was a bit dry maybe.

@BeNavyCrab another beautiful card! , hopefully the wind had died down a little for you

@Apolloneuro a day of baking, nothing better.

How are you feeling?

We have had a lovely day and have been out for lunch with my whole family ( apart from my son and one nephew). It was great to see each other, my brother and family came up from the SW yesterday....I. ad he wasn't driving today
Just watched the latest episode of Outlander with a glass of wine so I'm a happy bunny.
Tomorrow butter chicken is on the menu and we need to get a Xmas tree

@Imbluedalale you made me laugh with the onesie....a few years ago I was looking for an outfit for a night out, ordered a jumpsuit from M & S, it looked fab and I really liked it, then I realised that the only way I could get it down was with DHs help... I mean?? How could I ever go for a pee?? 😂
I sent it back
Hope you are ok lovely xxx

hi spoonies, sorry ive been absent a few days, some work stuff going on. just on the way home from some drinks with a friend, hope everyone is keeping nice and cosy from the winds, its all calmed downed in london know (not that we had it as bad as anywhere else) xx

@Imbluedalale you really are an inspiration, honestly 🤗
I’ve been quietly following you and you have made so much progress it’s amazing!
Re the onesies do any f you remember wearing a body suit thingy with poppers at the crotch? I thought one was was brilliant idea until it came to going to the loo….. I undid the poppers, the front and back pinged up under my top and there was absolutely no way I could manoeuvre the ruddy thing back down without completely undressing.
By the time I emerged from the toilet I was red, sweating and very flustered and 30 minutes later I wanted to go again.
Needless to say I never wore one again.
It’s blowing a hoolie here again, I thought that the storm had passed 🙄
I hope you’re all warm and safe x

What a beautiful card @BeNavyCrab 💕. And very sage words 🥰.

@Apolloneuro amazing baking! They look gorgeous, i love coffee cake. I’m just going to look up what cake I can make for tomorrow.

@Munchyseeds2 that sounds a perfect day (or perfect weekend!). Enjoy outlander. 🤣 at the jumpsuit, everyone would have thought you were taking him to the loo for something dodgy rather than just to help you out of the jumpsuit!

👋 @Zippedydodah amd welcome! I do remember those bodysuits, we called them a body 🤔. They were so popular but desperately didn’t suit me as a teen with a short body and not much waist 😣. 😳🤣 at your bodysuit loo incident.

Evening @RaspberryBeretxx , how’s your day been? I’ve had a very lazy day watching Netflix, ITVX and reading my book in my bed. I’m going to do some cleaning now then get a hot bath.
My sister was meant to be coming for tea with my niece and her family but my sisters full of cold and she doesn’t want to pass it onto me before my op on Monday. I’ve had a nice relaxing day but I have been feeling lonely today.
My youngest still being really off with me and has started texting back one word answers and when I say I love or miss him he doesn’t reply. He did say that his grandma (exs mum) said she’ll fetch him for an hour if he wants to see me but I don’t want to see her nor do I want her in my home, my safe space. Heartbreaking really but I’m just hoping he will come round and will come and see me on his own. I don’t want to say too much to my family about it as I don’t want my mum getting stressed because I’m upset again but I will just carry on texting to him and letting him know that I miss and love him.
Onesie had to come off once and for all when I went to toilet for a pee and dropped the arm into the toilet . I don’t think I’ll be rushing to put that back on any time soon.
I watched the Lindsey Lohan film that came out last year . I enjoyed it although it was super cheesy.
Miracles from heaven is one of my favourite films, it’s based on a true story but make sure you have a box of tissues handy. Oh I’ll add those two to my watch list too. Thank you .
What did you end up having for your dinner?xx

@nornironlady , your cat sounds just like me when I was younger 🤣xx

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹Thank you so much @BeNavyCrab . What you wrote there is absolutely lovely.
I actually don’t mind the memories or flashbacks because they do help me in a way. Not only do they remind me of how evil ex is but also they reassure me that my version of the event was the truth and I wasn’t going crazy nor was I making things up or as ex put it ‘making a silly story up in my messed up head’ . I didn’t realise that me double checking everything now is an impact from that. Whenever I go outside to the bins and come back in and lock the door I always have to check 2/3 times that I’ve locked it even though I know I have and last night for example I had to get up around 2am to make sure I’d turned the bath tap off. I’m always questioning myself .
Ex used to always say I’m a ‘wrong un’ and the most hurtful one that ‘I’m a bad egg’. He also said after around a year of being together that my dad pulled him aside when we got together and said ‘be very careful of her she’s not right in the head’ and for 15 years I believed that my dad had said that because I had no reason to think that he’d lie to me about something like that. But my dad never said it, when we had a heart to heart that first time we met to talk my dad promised me he never said it or that he would even think it.
I really hope that one day I’ll be able to look in a mirror and like what I see but I think I’m a long way off that . My mum keeps telling me I need a bathroom mirror but I like not having one in there that way I can brush my teeth or wash my hands/face and not have to worry about catching a glimpse of myself. When your told your ugly inside and out on a daily basis you do start to believe it .
One positive thing I have noticed is I’m a lot more positive and calmer. Before I was constantly on edge and jittery but now I feel so much calmer and when bad things happen like what ex is doing I do have a good cry but then I try and dust myself down and work through it xx

Oh what a beautiful card . You’re so talented @BeNavyCrab . The colours on it are just beautiful. Whoever gets that card given to them is very lucky indeed xx

Hi @Apolloneuro , wow 😮 they look absolutely delicious. Is that coffee and walnut cake? have you tried them yet? Those scones look lovely too I crave a scone now 😂xx

Hi @Munchyseeds2 , I’m so pleased to hear you’ve had a lovely day . It does sound perfect.
Where did you go for lunch and what did you have?
Im looking forward to you making butter chicken what are you having with it?
Are you getting a real tree or a fake one?
What is this 101 questions 🤣
Whenever I see anyone wearing a jumpsuit or playsuit from now on all I’m going to think is ‘good luck when you need a pee’😂xx

Hi @spoonfulofmustard , how are you?
I hope everything is ok and you get the work stuff sorted out. Sending you a big hug.
How was your afternoon with your friend?
The wind is still howling here I’ve just checked and it says it’s going to stop around tomorrow lunchtime. They are still building on the street and all the barrier things have blown all into the road.
I heard Liverpool Christmas market had to close for the day . That’s a shame 😂
I hope your all wrapped up warm at home , I’ve just put my heating on for a few hours as can’t get warm tonight xx

Hi Laura and all the Spoonies, what a windy day, my wheelie bins have all blown over. Probably not quite as bad as some others though.
I have one of those really fluffy onesies, looks like a rabbit with long ears on the hood. It’s so warm, combined with a hot flush, I end up feeling like I am going to pass out. Needless to say I don’t wear it anymore 🤣🤣🤣
Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely tonight Laura, it can be tough being alone at times. I know you really want to see your son but your ex’s mum was also very abusive to you, and the only reason she is saying she will bring him round is to be nosy about your new home so she can report back to ex, not because she wants to be kind to you. A kind person doesn’t bang saucepans in the ear of someone being treated for cancer when they are trying to rest. Please keep her away and not let her through your door. Hopefully your son will soon be able to get to see you. Enjoy your hot bath 💐💐

Hi @Zippedydodah , thank you so much for following my threads . That’s so nice.
I love your name by the way.
Thank you for your lovely words they really truly mean a lot.
Omg I remember the bodysuits with poppers! They was a right pain to fasten back up 😂
I hope your having a nice cosy evening @Zippedydodah xx

Hi @AdmittowearingCrocs , how are you today?
I hope you’re all warm and cosy at home.
I can’t believe how windy it is and how noisy the wind is . My nephew is in the Royal Navy and they had an event today which they had to cancel and there’s been terrible flooding at York Christmas market. I saw a video of a waterfall actually flowing the opposite way due to the wind!
I do feel lonely but I’ll be ok at least I’m lonely in my house and not in a hotel room. I’m very lucky compared to others.
I know that’s exactly why Ex’s mum wants to bring my youngest , she still wants to be in control. I don’t want her in my home and I don’t want her dictating to me when I can see my son or for how long. and I don’t want to be alone with her incase she makes up more lies. One time she came into mine whilst ex was at work and she was shouting at me and got right in my face whilst I was sat down . Ex pulled up into the yard and she started crying and clutching her face saying I’d hit her. An hour later she came back in asking me if I was putting the kettle on!xx

If you weren’t 300 miles from me @Imbluedalale I’d bring a scone over to share with a cuppa.

Haven’t had a scone yet, but had a piece of coffee and walnut cake. It was nice.

I haven’t forgotten about doing a spoonie zoom. Perhaps before Christmas?

I think my wee is behaving itself, that’s for asking @Munchyseeds2 Have a check in with specialist nurse on 17th.

Awww that’s lovely @Apolloneuro , I’ll just imagine how nice they taste instead.
You’ve got more willpower than me I would have had both 😂
A spoonie zoom sounds wonderful, I can’t wait .
My mum is going to kill me! Last week when she came she told me off about putting this knife in the sink. Basically my dad whenever he buys knives he always sharpens them on a machine at the butchers so this one had been freshly sharpened. Anyway I put in sink last week and my mum started flapping saying it’s super sharp and to never put it in the sink . She said to wipe it and put it away straight away. Did I listen?noooooo
Now I’ve just nearly sliced my thumb off 😭😭just trying to stem the bleeding fgs 😱xx

Glad your wee is being good @Apolloneuro . Hope all goes well at your appointment on 17th xx