Need a hand hold part 4

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies .
Welcome to season 4 xxx

This is the company on Etsy. They smell amazing and smell lasts for ages. Everyone compliments the smell when they come in. I recommend the fresh linen or the unstoppables scent xx

Look what I found on Etsy:

.

Morning @ChoccieCornflake ? Happy Christmas Eve . I went to bed at 6.30 last night and slept for 7 hours I couldn’t believe it . What’s your plans for
today?xx

Morning 🌄 @Imbluedalale , how are you today? The thread has moved fast, so sorry if I've missed it, but is it today you're having your stitches out? If it is, hope it goes well.
Have you tried any of the Asevi cleaning products? I've got the floor cleaner and it smells gorgeous.
DP came home early from work yesterday and has taken to bed with man flu (actually he rarely makes a fuss when he's poorly so he must be bad), and I've woken up feeling grotty so want to get as much as possible done today in case I get worse.
Will you still post on here when you get your WhatsApp sorted?
Xx

Afternoon @CherryogDog , how are you this afternoon? Did you manage to get done all you needed to today?
I had my stitches taken out yesterday, was painful but feels ok now.
I’ve never tried Asevi but I’d like to, where do you get it from?is that the Spanish product one?
Sorry to hear your DP isn’t feeling very well, I hope he feels better soon ❤️.
Of course I’ll still post on here I would like to keep it going if people still want to chat to me xx

Hi op, I’ve followed your threads and just wanted to say I’m thinking of you this Christmas and wishing you a lovely time. You are more inspirational than you know x

Hi @Lovesacake , thank you so much for your lovely post . I’m struggling this evening tbh but I’m going to keep myself busy. I hope you have a lovely Christmas and I hope 2025 brings you everything you hope for xx

keeping busy is a good approach I think. I’m about to watch national lampoons Christmas vacation for the first time!

Ooh, what channel is it on? Havent seen it for years and could do with cheering up!

@Imbluedalale hi, good morning and happy Christmas!
Have you got anything planned for today?
Will you be able to chat to your DCs on the phone?
I'm sending you a virtual hug 🫂 and a handhold!
I've seen Asevi in the Range, B&M and Home Bargains. There's a hardware type shop in the pedestrian part of Scunthorpe that stocks a lot of the range if your mum wants to buy you more stuff!
When my husband was alive, and my children young, we had family "tensions" to put it mildly, over hosting Christmas Dinner. In the end we stopped trying to keep everyone happy, and started hosting an open morning breakfast, come, don't come, whatever.

One year we were invited to my step son's for dinner, we'd popped in the day before for something, and his wife made us a sandwich.
On Christmas morning my husband phoned to see if they wanted us to bring anything and she said "We fed you yesterday, not doing it two days running", which I can really laugh about now, but was very upsetting at the time.
DP still unwell, I'm mildly grotty, between animal duties I'm going to be trying not to eat all day so I've got room for dinner, and this evening I'll have a glass of Coole Swan.
I very rarely drink, but it is Christmas!
Much love ❤️ xx

Good morning @Lovesacake , Merry Christmas I hope you have a wonderful day. How was the national lampoons Christmas vacation?xx

Good morning @CherryogDog , Merry Christmas to you and I hope you have an amazing day.
I don’t have anything planned for today I’ll be chatting to a friend later which will be nice. I’m hoping to be able to speak to my children on the phone . It feels really strange not to be with them. I’ve never had a Christmas alone so this is all new to me.
Thankyou for the hug and handhold it truly means a lot.
Oh I’ll have a look for the cleaning stuff when I next go to one of those shops. I’ll ask my mum to keep a look out for it too. There’s a cleaning shop on Etsy which I’m obsessed with at the moment.
Having an open morning breakfast sounds amazing.
That’s so sad that your step son’s wife said that , what an awful thing to say . I can imagine how upsetting that would be. Sorry to hear DP is still unwell and that you’re feeling grotty I hope you both feel better soon and can enjoy the day regardless. Enjoy your Coole Swan. Big hugs xxx

Morning @Imbluedalale , how did your day go?
Did you speak with your friend and your children?
It must be so hard for you xx

My adult children and grandchildren live 200 miles away, I miss them so much, I visit whenever I can.
DP rose from his death bed and disrupted my plans of watching the Christmas day soaps and Gavin and Stacey 😁
We had a minor disagreement because I asked him to put the spuds in the oven, and ten minutes later the rest of the veg, while I was walking the dogs and feeding the horses. And he whined "that means I've got to get up twice". I've honestly done everything, no problem at all because he's ill.
So I said OK, I'll sort it when I get back.
And he had the cheek to say I was over dramatic. 😡
My eldest granddaughter phoned me to say thanks for the money I sent her, she's 6 going on 40, rabbits for England, so that was lovely, and got lots of pics of my younger DGD, in the dress I got her.
It's my turn to feel really rough today, so I'm on strike!
Anyway, that's enough of me rabbiting about myself, have you got anything planned for today?
Will you have the chance to speak to your children, or better still, see them?
I really hope so. Xx

Morning to everyone- hope Xmas went as well as it could - sometimes even the the best circumstances for Xmas don't work and it's a disappointment- but it is just a day.
Anyway I had to get back on here as one of my gifts from the kids was a SPOON! They know zero about this thread, and knowing the daughter who buys I expect it was got way before any of these threads started - it's a lovely spoon and hopefully will keep reminding me to get on this loveliest thread I ever saw on here - as in nice folk, not the stuff that Laura and some are going through.
I'll try add a photo ...

That is indeed a lovely spoon!

Hi @CherryogDog , how are you? I’m so sorry I haven't replied sooner I’ve had a rubbish few days. Christmas Day was horrific and I found it so much harder than I thought I would. Only my eldest bothered to ring me .
Yesterday was no better as had a falling out with daughter . She basically said she doesn’t want to live with me, she wants to stay with her family. I reminded her that I’m her family too but she said I’ve not been there for so long that everyone is used to living without me. I also couldn’t afford to get my children a lot for Christmas due to circumstances and I felt awful about that. More awful when ex showered them all with super expensive gifts . One of the presents I got made for daughter was a 2025 journal where you write your thoughts , goals , college /work rota and each month I had photos put in from 2024 so ‘this is what you was doing in 2024’. She didn’t like it and when she went she left it here but took mostly everything else . I felt gutted. I tried ringing her early hours of this morning well at 2am and she was in a boys car in a car park! Just feel so broken with it all .
I hope you’re feeling better lovely. And your eldest granddaughter sounds adorable xx

Hi @MsJinks , how are you? Your post brought a tear to my eye. How adorable is that spoon and that your children got you it makes it all the most special. Something you can treasure forever.
I love it ❤️
I hope you had a lovely Christmas and thank you for liking my thread there’s been many ups and downs that’s for sure . I’m not doing to good at the moment so I’m having a break from it all and trying to get some extra support for my mental health . Sending big hugs your way xx

@Imbluedalale I'm so sorry that you've not had a good Christmas, I really am.
You sound like such a beautiful soul, always got a kind word for everyone here, we're all "spooning" for you!
I hope you get real life support, sending love and hugs xx

@Imbluedalale I have read all of your threads and watched all of the amazing support you have received on here over past months. I haven't posted until now. But your sad post last week which I read the other day and have been thinking about ever since has prompted me to join in.
I am so sorry that your Christmas was harder than you had expected. Your ex really has done a job with your kids but they are growing up and will see things differently as time passes and as they get older. Hold on in there, for when they are ready.
You are such an amazing lady. Your strength and resilience have shone through your posts and you have so many spoonies rooting for you, as well as your parents and sister irl.
I hope that you are getting the support you need from the mental health team and others around you and that in the end 2025 will be a positive year for you, however poorly it may have started.

I could have written this post too. Please keep talking. Hopefully you've got plenty of support from the WhatsApp group if not family

Hi lovely, I hope you are ok and have had a good new year?
Please don’t be sorry it’s nobodies fault it’s just how things are at the moment. I was however very glad to see the back of 2024.
Ive been really struggling since Christmas Day more so than I thought I would tbh . Yesterday was a better day than today. Yesterday I made a chilli, saw my sister and did some colouring and crafts , today however I’ve been in bed most of day as feel rubbish although I know that staying in bed does me no good I couldn’t fathom the energy to do anything else but I did manage to spritz my kitchen this evening and do an online food shop.
My eldest came to stay for a few nights last week which was nice. Mine and my daughter’s relationship is still fraught and my relationship with my youngest , well it’s pretty much non existent at the moment which completely breaks my heart but I’ve been reading a parental alienation guide and I’m trying to follow the steps in there and taking it slow and steady. I want more than anything to tell him how much I love him and miss him and pine for him but I can’t because that’s putting my emotions onto him and it’s not fair . I’ve admitted to myself that I’ve gone about stuff the wrong way and showed my emotions and frustrations with my children too much and I feel awful for that but I’m trying to learn for this guide . I’m sending a message each day asking how they are , telling them something I’ve done that day and that’s it . If I don’t get a reply I just need to leave it and do the same the next day or in a few days . I can’t bring myself to do the few days part so at the moment I’m doing every day .
Anyway I’m gabbling on , I hope you are ok and Happy new year xx

Hi there @user1471540245 , thank you so much for reading all my threads. Your post I did read earlier but was a-bit too emotional to respond then as it did being a year or two to my eyes. Thank you 🙏.
I’m sorry my post made you feel sad 😔. Sometimes I find that writing down how I’m really feeling helps and I need to be honest with myself and others because god I’m struggling this past week. I stupidly thought that once I’d got my home everything would be ok. I’m so so thankful to have my home don’t get me wrong but I never envisioned what’s happening with my children right now . Tbh I have been thinking a lot about it and I’ve been quite selfish because what I want is to be with them and I’ve been thinking too much of what I want rather than what my children want. Of course they love their dad , to them he is a good dad and he has been there for them during all my hospital admissions and when I was voluntary sectioned too. I wouldn’t ever want to ruin their relationship and they see where they are as their home.
I can’t change what’s happened but what I can change or try to is how I deal with it now. But also whilst I love my children more than anything in the world I’m not living right now I’m just existing waiting for a text from them each day . I need to start living again for myself and to start having a life , not a life I ever imagined having but a life nevertheless. What I’m doing right now is doing my mental health no good at all. I’ve been very very emotional this past week , I think it’s because reality of the situation is finally sinking in . So yes whilst I’ll still probably get upset several times a day I need to start doing things for myself.
Thank you for your lovely kind words , they truly mean a lot and they really do help pick me back up.
Im unable to get an appointment with my mental health team until 2 weeks from now so just trying to get through each day and worry about tomorrow , tomorrow xx

Hi @ringmybe11 , that’s so lovely thank you so much. I hope you had a good Christmas and new year. I do get good advice and support thank you and I saw my sister yesterday who has been great and telling me I’m doing well despite me thinking otherwise. When I was made homeless and living in a hotel then had breakdown and then made homeless again I was definitely depressed and very suicidal, I’m not feeling like that now thankfully I just feel very sad and lonely. I’m just trying to find a way to live through that xx

Hi again,
Don't ever feel the need to apologise for telling us how you feel. I said your sad post made me join the conversation, because you sounded so low. You shouldn't apologise for my reaction to your honesty. Empathy is a positive thing, even when empathising with sad emotions.
I think you are right that you need to build a life for you. Your children will always be a massive part of that but they cannot be the only point of it. You deserve your own happiness. And that happiness will be obvious to them and, if nothing else, it will give you something else to say in your regular messages to them.
Your relationship with your eldest is improving. That is such a huge step forwards. Your relationship with your daughter and youngest make just take longer, but as so many PPs have said relationships with teenagers of those ages can be really difficult even in the most stable of family set ups. So love and patience are the order of the day, even if it feels impossible.
Keep on dealing with one day at a time. And always remember there is support on here for you.

Hi, I haven't commented before but have followed all of your threads. I just wanted to say that you are doing so well and you should remember that what you are feeling now is temporary. It is situational and you can help improve your mental health by having some structure and becoming more active. By active I mean engaging in doing things you get positive feedback from. Look up the ACCEPTS skills from DBT. These can help us cope with distressing or over whelming thoughts and feelings. Try and focus on the positives you have now. You are no longer at the mercy of your ex, you have a level of safety you probably are not used to. You get to write the next chapter in your life and I hope it's a good one.