AIBU to tell SIL to get fucked?

[Pooliny]

SIL asked what we were up to this weekend. I said, as another storm is on the way, we were going to have some mulled wine and a cheeseboard while watching Christmas films. She then did cat's bum face and said she thought it was so gross that people do nothing but stuff their faces with unhealthy food in the run up to Christmas. She said this, by the way, in front of her teenage daughter who has struggled badly with body image issues. I said, lightly, that I'm very sleep deprived due to my velcro 5 month old and, as last Christmas (and for the whole 9 months of my pregnancy) I had hyperemesis gravidarum and was too queasy to enjoy any nice food, this Christmas I fully intend to eat all the cheese and all the chocolate. She rolled her eyes at me and said "whatever makes you feel better about yourself".

I said nothing but I wanted to tell her to fuck off tbh. AIBU?

Tell her you are doing your bit for the cheese makers. Ask who she is doing her bit for.

I'd laugh and say 'you do you hon'

CUNT.

I love my brother and don't want to stop talking to him. And I love my nieces and don't want to stop talking to them either. "Go no contact" isn't, contrary to popular belief, the answer to everything.

I would have just rolled my eyes and said “and I think it’s sad when people are so uptight they can relax a little over the Christmas period and enjoy themselves”

DD tried to have a conversation with my MIL on politics. They are at polar opposites of the political spectrum so it would not have gone well.

'I am not going to have this conversation with you' was my MIL's response and that stopped it stone dead. DD is autistic so appreciates clarity of communication and did not take offense. If your SIL takes offense - too bad.

That escalated quickly!

I said nothing but I wanted to tell her to fuck off tbh. AIBU?

Why did you say nothing? Go with your gut and tell her. People like her know that an innate sense of decency stops others from telling it as it is. Tell her once, she'll probably not say anything and find another victim to bully

Take some comfort in that the people like your SIL, the really judgemental ones, are usually the people with the lowest self esteem. They use bullying tactics to try and make others feel shit in order to try and make their sorry selves feel better.

Take pity on her, and enjoy your cheese board 🥂

Answering her with a perfectly lovely idea of what to do with your weekend was your mistake - she wanted you to say 'oh I don't know what to do yet' so she could then regale you with her plans and then you were either supposed to ask if you could join in or ooh and aah appropriately and ask for information on how to copy her to do this yourself (depending on whether or not she would expect you to do joint activities), so she could be fount of wisdom and you would show suitable kowtowing to her amazing ideas and planning...

Instead you have come up with something sensible that sounds really nice to do (especially with a little baby) and that her daughter would probably much rather do, and now she has to justify to her dd why she can't just do what you're doing when her dd is supposed to be wanting to join in with whatever dodgy sad plans she was expecting to do over the weekend and expect that her dd would be excited by rather than tempted by your much nicer plans!

Enjoy your cheeseboard and mincepies, and any other festive treats you can find... I will be there in spirit too with the Christmas movies and some of my favourite festive foods 😁

Don't let it slide. If not for you then for her daughter. Every time she says something like that straight up tell her she sounds like she has an eating disorder and she needs to seek help. That is not a normal thing to say. And tbh disgust at other people eating can often e a red flag for an eating disorder. She's in denial and thinks she is healthy whilst everyone else is 'disgusting'
The thing is it's absolutely none of her business and the way she reacts so strongly to it is really odd. It's a sign of some type of deep seated issue. Far more unhealthy than earing a cheeseboard

'Oh DO fuck off (SIL Name)
Now THAT'S made me feel better about myself more than the lovely things I'm going to eat at Christmas!'

Your weekend sounds brilliant, I may do the very same thing myself.

But really you shouldn't feel the need to justify anything you do to her (it wouldn't matter what your plans were, I suspect she'd disapprove).

'You've mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck what you think' is really the only answer she deserves.

"Yeah, I actually enjoy sitting on my arse and stuffing my face at this time, because I can!"

Not a boast - it's actually due to a health condition
and no mulled wine, either. 😐

But her daughter would be somewhat of a concern.

Please do tell her to FOAD
enjoy your mulled wine and cheese.
I am just home from lunch where 2 mulled wines were consumed!!

I’ve found saying something like “Does that sound as rude in your head as it does when you say it to people?”, works well to call out these kinds of comments. If your brother is there, you can also call his attention to her rude comments. Something like “Hey DB. Did you hear what SIL just said?” This only works if he is the type to tell SIL to stop the rude comments.

Very unreasonable for NOT telling her to fxxx off. Please tell her next
time as I'm sure there'll be one.

The Aldi or lidl latticed, almond topped ones for me 😋

She sounds a right sour cow! Your plans are the best by a bloody mile OP… What a joyless bugger she is - I’d be avoiding her in future. Do you think she’s jealous?

I can't get over your lovely description of your little one as a "velcro baby" and can't help thinking that snuggling up and watching fav films and nice snacks on dark december day... sounds wonderful.

I'm so, so glad your niece has you in her life. Not unreasonable to want to tell her to get fucked, and I admire your restraint for not. I love your response and love that your niece has a role model for healthy attitudes and taking pleasure in food.

I like this. Maybe even add that you've purchased a whole box of chocolates to gobble down over the weekend too. And smile like an idiot while saying it. I think it sounds lovely and I'm jealous you're having a cheeseboard. So jealous I plan to chat to DP tonight about us having all the cheese this weekend too. It's all about moderation and she sounds very judgy.

This is fantastic too!

I'd have poked her in the eye so you have more self control than I do. Jokes aside I had a pretty awful December last year and so this year after speaking to dh have decided to take on limited work so I can actually attend xmas events at the kid's school and spend time doing fun things with them over the festive period. That doesn't necessarily mean going out all the time but I intend to have cosy movie nights with popcorn and hot chocolate as well as going to panto and a light show.

I have a sil that irks me in a similar manner. I use humour and exaggerated eye rolls to get through meet ups eith her and remind myself that inorder to facilitate my children's relationship with their cousins now and again I have to take one for the team. Try it, see if it works for you. If not you've always got the poking in the eye thing as a last resort.