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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To doze while my kids get themselves ready for school

123 replies

Weezypopsy · 05/12/2024 08:05

Three kids: 12, 15, 17. All capable of making breakfast, getting ready, getting themselves to school etc.

On days I am WFH and my husband goes in, I wake them at their respective times, then doze / sometimes fall asleep again, until I have to get up for work.

when husband is WFH he will get them breakfast and see them off. Neither of us think the other is wrong, just choose to do it differently. He was in the office every day until Covid so think it’s still a nice thing to do for him. I was self employed and did all the morning routines for 13 years so enjoy not having to.

no problem here. Am just curious as have previously seen people little irate at “lazy”parents sleeping in! AIBU to stay snoozing?

OP posts:
Ankleblisters · 05/12/2024 08:09

I'd say it's good for them to be independent and also good for them to see parents can have different ways of doing things without thinking the other is wrong. And they know where you are if they need you.

Pootles34 · 05/12/2024 08:12

Nbu - well done for producing such independent kids! So long as they are arriving at school on time, there's no problem.

Dollshousedolly · 05/12/2024 08:13

Obviously, they are old enough to sort themselves out but for the 12 yo in particular, I think it would be good to be more of a presence in the morning. Although they may not show it, they will appreciate your presence and sometimes at times like this, it’s where you’ll have the chats and hear any worries, etc they might have.

Marblesbackagain · 05/12/2024 08:15

To be fair at their ages I would probably do a mix. If they had a big test etc I may get up to give a bit of encouragement etc.

My youngest is 11, I get up make myself a coffee and have a chat. He is a morning person like me. My eldest is 16 and is a brilliant kid always helpful and thoughtful but not a morning person 😂.

You know your children I am sure they will be absolutely fine. I honestly am only doing it now for myself these days.

Daisy12Maisie · 05/12/2024 08:18

Both ways are fine and I can understand where you are both coming from.

Igmum · 05/12/2024 08:18

Sounds great tbh and will do the kids good to have some independence/ some dad time.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 05/12/2024 08:19

Both ways fine, I'd always want to see them off, check in about their days etc, but that's different to getting them ready etc.

LisaD1 · 05/12/2024 08:23

Don’t see an issue with either. We only have one DD at home now, she’s 17, we take it in turns to take her to college, my DH gets up just before they need to leave, I get up earlier and offer her tea and toast. I think she prefers my DH days as they’re very alike and not big on chatting where as I’m bright and breezy from the moment I wake up which she doesn’t always enjoy :)

Dee9409 · 05/12/2024 08:23

I think they are only these ages once and it’s important to be present in the morning, even if you’re not making them breakfast but if you’re just lounging having a tea while they get ready these times are precious, I think a hug and a kiss from mum or dad in the morning is important even if they say it doesn’t matter. Just because they’re getting to a teen age doesn’t mean they don’t still need that attention in the morning. I know it sounds crazy but I always think about if anything were to happen would I know which coat my child took to school, how their moods were that particular morning. Did they seem okay. Maybe I am over the top.

museumum · 05/12/2024 08:23

I am halfway between. I get up and have a cuppa and watch bbc breakfast in my pjs wile the dc get themselves ready but I’m available for questions or reminders. I shower after they leave.

Gogogo12345 · 05/12/2024 08:28

I had a newborn when eldest was @2 so yeah did doze a bit. Mind you they were just all perfectly capable of getting themselves ready for school DD2 had to get bus at 7.40am .

And obviously when I had to get to work I didn't have time to hang about supervising teenagers of a morning

LadyQuackBeth · 05/12/2024 08:30

They can be independent and still enjoy your company. It might be nice for you to spend time with them without feeling you have to do stuff for them, a more grown up way to be together. My DD is 12, gets herself all sorted but it's nice to chat to her in the morning - a whole different world to the years spent cajoling them to put on socks.

Original poster
Weezypopsy · 05/12/2024 09:12

All good points. None of them are big morning people (don’t know where they get it 😂) so there’s not much chatting going on! They do know they can pop in to talk and often will do, so I don’t think they feel they are missing out. I have asked them if they would prefer me to get up with with too and they say it’s all good … and none of them are nervous of sharing their views or telling us when we’ve got things wrong. Haha!

OP posts:
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 05/12/2024 09:14

I don’t think you need to be up or getting them breakfast but might be nice some days to sit with them whilst they have breakfast just as a chance to connect

SnowFrogJelly · 05/12/2024 09:14

No.. that's what I used to do!

SnowFrogJelly · 05/12/2024 09:16

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 05/12/2024 09:14

I don’t think you need to be up or getting them breakfast but might be nice some days to sit with them whilst they have breakfast just as a chance to connect

I preferred sitting with them at dinner and connecting then
(not a morning person)

Original poster
Weezypopsy · 05/12/2024 09:18

SnowFrogJelly · 05/12/2024 09:16

I preferred sitting with them at dinner and connecting then
(not a morning person)

Show quote history

Yes, same. When the teen schedules allow we will all have dinner together and they are most chatty then. they also come and talk when they get home from school as I work from an armchair in the living room.

OP posts:
Oftenaddled · 05/12/2024 09:19

If someone tried to have a serious chat or meaningful conversation at me at any age in the morning, it would ruin my breakfast and my essential first caffeine of the day.

If OP is dozing away her children's lives and never interacting with them, that's a problem, but if they are okay in the morning, there's no problem.

Dweetfidilove · 05/12/2024 09:20

That's perfectly fine.
My daughter has now told me she prefers me being out of her way in the mornings, so she can time herself to get up, get ready and not lose the extra minutes going around me.
Evenings and car journeys are for spending time together, apparently 😐.

Spanielsaremad · 05/12/2024 09:20

I don't work Fridays but still get up with DS15. I don't like to think of him sitting eating breakfast all alone in the morning. I prefer to be up sitting with him, drinking tea and chatting about the upcoming day etc.

Oftenaddled · 05/12/2024 09:21

There is nothing worse than someone sitting with you talking and not eating while you are trying to eat (in my experience as a non morning person.)

Just let everyone wake up at their own pace and connect another time.

Julia34 · 05/12/2024 09:23

Hi. I am new there. This gonna be my first post on the forum. I think that 17 year old who is by law adult and 15 year old can make ready themselves fully in the morning. The 12 year old should be able to make simple breakfast too. My daughter is 11. She getting ready herself for school. Just not stress. Let the kids learn own consequences if they gonna be late for school is them gonna spend time in detention if they got any at school. If the school call you why they late you said the truth "you know my kids to lazy to wake up" . You stress to much like they are little babies they big enough to understand

alwaysstressed · 05/12/2024 09:24

Dee9409 · 05/12/2024 08:23

I think they are only these ages once and it’s important to be present in the morning, even if you’re not making them breakfast but if you’re just lounging having a tea while they get ready these times are precious, I think a hug and a kiss from mum or dad in the morning is important even if they say it doesn’t matter. Just because they’re getting to a teen age doesn’t mean they don’t still need that attention in the morning. I know it sounds crazy but I always think about if anything were to happen would I know which coat my child took to school, how their moods were that particular morning. Did they seem okay. Maybe I am over the top.

100% this!!
There will be loads of time for a lie in once they're grown and left the house. Treasure these little moments while you have them, they'll be gone soon enough

Capricornandproud · 05/12/2024 09:25

Dee9409 · 05/12/2024 08:23

I think they are only these ages once and it’s important to be present in the morning, even if you’re not making them breakfast but if you’re just lounging having a tea while they get ready these times are precious, I think a hug and a kiss from mum or dad in the morning is important even if they say it doesn’t matter. Just because they’re getting to a teen age doesn’t mean they don’t still need that attention in the morning. I know it sounds crazy but I always think about if anything were to happen would I know which coat my child took to school, how their moods were that particular morning. Did they seem okay. Maybe I am over the top.

This. Particularly the 12 year old. I remember seeing myself off to school and all was fine, and I may have been horrendous company, but it would have been nice to have some positivity and interaction before heading out the door.

Original poster
Weezypopsy · 05/12/2024 09:26

Julia34 · 05/12/2024 09:23

Hi. I am new there. This gonna be my first post on the forum. I think that 17 year old who is by law adult and 15 year old can make ready themselves fully in the morning. The 12 year old should be able to make simple breakfast too. My daughter is 11. She getting ready herself for school. Just not stress. Let the kids learn own consequences if they gonna be late for school is them gonna spend time in detention if they got any at school. If the school call you why they late you said the truth "you know my kids to lazy to wake up" . You stress to much like they are little babies they big enough to understand

No stress here, too busy snoozing 😀😴

OP posts: