To doze while my kids get themselves ready for school

[Weezypopsy]

Three kids: 12, 15, 17. All capable of making breakfast, getting ready, getting themselves to school etc.

On days I am WFH and my husband goes in, I wake them at their respective times, then doze / sometimes fall asleep again, until I have to get up for work.

when husband is WFH he will get them breakfast and see them off. Neither of us think the other is wrong, just choose to do it differently. He was in the office every day until Covid so think it’s still a nice thing to do for him. I was self employed and did all the morning routines for 13 years so enjoy not having to.

no problem here. Am just curious as have previously seen people little irate at “lazy”parents sleeping in! AIBU to stay snoozing?

None of us are morning people so nobody wants conversation in our house. I said bye to dd1 as she headed off for her bus, then said bye to dtds as I left for work before they walked to school, but that was the extent of my conversation. On wfh days I dose. Dh makes lunches for them so has a little interaction.

😅 yeah true

I think it's fine for the older ones of course. I guess it depends what the youngest child is like? My 13 year old son needs my presence in the morning as he needs a lot of prompting and reminders (autistic) and I do make sure all his stuff is ready the night before as that makes it easier. He also needs breakfast which he can't make himself.

Hasn't this post been done before? My answer is the same, I think you should get up and be present.

17 isn't an adult and I would always help my children to ensure they're on time and ready.

16 years old by UK law is adult or maybe I hear something wrong for years,but according to my knowledge if 16 year old do some crime it will be charged as adult so 17 year old must be adult too by law. Yes you right I will be ensure too but I will not do things over 17 year old like over 5 year old child

I’m going to go slightly against the grain here. It’s not a criticism, just a personal viewpoint.
I just think it sets a good example for both parents to be up and dressed before children leave for school, rather than in bed or in pyjamas. Shift workers are an obvious exception, of course.

I had a SAHP who took my younger sibling to school every day in primary, but when we were both in secondary school began getting up later and only getting dressed after we had both left the house. So, on a weekday, I never saw them out of sleepwear until the afternoon. I adored my parent and certainly didn’t resent that they had a lie-in, but I think I lost a tiny bit of respect for them at that point?
I would then go around to my friend’s house to walk with her to school and her parent would always be up, fully dressed and preparing to run errands before going to work.
I am not sure what impression formed in my mind, but it was certainly an impression.

I think that teens pick up on more than we realise and not necessarily the things or ideas we think they will receive.

Yanbu, I used to commute so teens were used to getting themselves up and out. Now eldest has a job starting at 7am and has no issue getting there, where as friends who always woke their kids, made their lunches etc are finding their older DC are struggling with independently getting up for work/uni. Imo encouraging independence and self reliance is one of the best skills you can teach DC

I let my kids get up on their own at that age. Their schools were all very close.
I didn't wake them up though. Is there a reason you are doing that. I didn't get involved in sorting bags or remembering homework and things like that either. I'd be really helpful when asked but I think that it's better for kids to be more responsible for themselves.

They knew they could ask me if they needed anything.

I also got them to make me a cup of tea just before they left.

Yes I think you do right thing. Is important kids learn to be responsible at this age 17 and 15 too and learn stuff on their own. In life they will be having easier. I do help my daughter when she ask me to,but my daughter is very independent herself and she even get angry when I try do something for her while she never ask me to do so

And what if u need to be at work?

Don't Scottish unis start when students are 17?

I think kids should see parents up and about in the morning (unless parents night work or do shifts). I think it just sets the right tone in the week.

I will be get up and get ready for work. I will be help a little the 12 year old ,but over 15 and 17 years old I will be do nothing. They big enough to wake up on time, dress themselves, make themselves breakfast and even lunch for school

My dad had to start work at 7am when I was in secondary school. So to spend time with me in the morning he'd have to wake me at 5.30. I wouldn't have appreciated that

Yes I understand you. Is to early to wake up even for me and I sure you can talk with your dad any time in the day after his work finish

Great they are independent and confident and can do that for themselves ...

But. I agree that you being there when they go might be a good idea. Seeing them, hearing them, listening to them talking about the day ahead may give you insights and a heads up about what might be going on in their world. Bullying, academic worries, romances, friendship breakdown etc might all be something that might come out over shared breakfast.

Maybe your husband will become aware of something you were completely in the dark about - because you weren't there.

Maybe you could be there then and they could make you breakfast?

Then it's not the same as being in bed, dozing? You are up and being purposeful and kids will understand going to work. I'm not suggesting anyone helicopter parents, merely that they are present.

But you are not present if you have gone to work are you

The kids know you are up and organised and have gone to work so you are an example to them of adult behaviour. This is not the question that was asked, though. OP was dozing in bed. I wouldn't be dozing in bed. I'd be up and if nothing else, waving my kids off to school.

This is an interesting observation, but to me it suggests that you started to realise your mum was an individual who might do things in a different way to others/ to what you might have liked and you started to make your own decisions about how you wanted to be in the world. That’s not a bad thing!

This a very ‘Protestant work ethic’ take to me. It’s not something that matters to everyone.

You have got me. I am absolutely Protestant work ethic😂😂😂. I can see it doesn’t matter to everyone but it matters to me.
Don’t we all model our preferred behaviour for our children?

I prefer to get up, make their breakfast and see that they are properly seen off for school (18 and 15), At their Dad's they do it themselves. I think I would just feel better knowing I had been up and done something caring for them to start their day, however competent they are. They'll be a long time moved out!

Thanks for your reply @casapenguin. I’m not sure that it did - I loved them utterly, but I think it just gave me less of an impression of what they did and their role in life.

Obviously, with the passing of time and understanding of what it takes to parent a family to adulthood, I think very differently about the role of SAHP!