Or is this Santa post unreasonable?

[BusySyllabub]

The author of gentle parenting books Sarah Ockwell Smith posted on Instagram that it’s best to never pretend that Santa is real.

I did some research on this just to be sure and discovered research that indicated that very few children are adversely affected by the Santa myth.

AIBU to think that we are overthinking everything, taking the magic out of childhood, and that educators are now posting nonsense for clicks and engagement?

If you don't want your kids to believe then thats fine but make it clear to your kids to keep it to themselves!

Why, though?

By all means go along with the Santa story if you want, but expecting other families to go along with you by default makes no sense.

Surely as a parent you teach your kids that every family is different and does things differently so if they come home after being told Johnny doesn't believe in Santa, nothing is ruined for them?

Why is it always the kids fault when they feel bad for having everyone they know lie to their face for years? If it was about any other topic then we would say the parents are batshit. But because it's about Father Christmas it's the kids fault and they must be neurodiverse if they felt hurt and humiliated.

Ha is this a joke?! So creepy. Do you dress up as Paddington and run around the London Underground as well?

Because parents don't like to accept that their choices might have caused their child to feel hurt and humiliated. It ruins the parents' fun. They will point to others and say "Look, Jenny and Jonny were fine about it. I was fine about it. Everyone else in the world is fine about it. So if you are not fine about it, that's a you problem, Miseryguts."

Where I think my autism plays a part in it is that I don't get over being lied to as easily as other people might. Maybe if I wasn't ND I would be able to accept that it is normal to be lied to by the people you trust the most in the world. But that just didn't sit properly with me as a child nor as a mother.

I'm interested though in what people would do if their very young child asked them outright. What do you say to a 5yo who point blank asks if he's real and wants a yes or no?

So as I said upthread, DD1 was sceptical last year at 4, but we did the whole 'well what do you believe?' thing and she never asked us outright.

But yesterday, now aged 5, she said she didn't believe Santa exists and that presents were bought by mummy and daddy. I didn't really respond, just kind of said 'hmm I see!' but then she said 'Just tell me, Mummy. Does he exist or not?'

How would others handle that?

For me, her asking outright was a signal that it's time to be honest as I always said I would never lie if my child asked for the truth about it. I said 'Do you really want to know or would you rather just believe what you want?' And she said she really wanted to know, so I said that Santa was a really fun story and fun thing to pretend about, but she's right that Santa won't come to our house to deliver presents or do stockings. I also said that lots of children do believe Santa exists and it's important she doesn't accidentally ruin someone else's belief, so she's welcome to talk about it at home but at school just think it in her head instead. I hope she'll do that but she's 5, I don't have control over what she does when she's not with me.

Have you recently heard a parent telling a child that if they don't behave/ swear allegiance to Paddington Bear/ proclaim their undying belief in Paddington Bear, then the biggest celebration of the year will be cancelled? Have you ever seen a parent getting themselves into a lather working out how to convince their 10 year old that Paddington Bear is real, including leaving marmalade paw prints all around the house, faking photographs of him and writing notes professing to be from Paddington Bear? Or calling other children horrific names for saying Paddington Bear is a fictional character?

My Mum made my childhood thoroughly magical, including leaving notes and gifts from my favourite story book characters, and she does the same for my daughter. When DD left her favourite doll at my parents the day before they went on holiday, they took the doll with them, took photographs of her everywhere the visited and returned with a journal of the adventures of Baby Annabelle showing everywhere she had been.

At no point have any of these stories involved blackmail or coercion and no-one will be talking about how their heart is breaking or begging for one more year if my daughter at some point says, "Remember when Grandma took Annabelle on holiday and pretended that she'd been on all those adventures?"

And if another child said "Your Grandma just wrote all those diary entries herself and Annabelle is just a doll!" I think DD's response would be, "Well duh!"

It isn't asking them to maintain the lie, just to keep their opinion to themselves when they know sticking in their two cents' worth will cause upset or offence. It is part of learning to be a nice human. More so if their opinion hasn't even been sought as IME it is rarely said as part of a general discussion or a slip up, it is almost always announced with the purpose of upsetting the audience.

Of course I teach my children that every family has different rules or beliefs, but I also teach them to be respectful of those differences.

To be nice?
If a child says they cant wait to see santa will your child just anounce. 'Santa is not real'
Why? Just cause its the truth? Is the intent just to be nasty? Or make the child who believes feel stupid?

There's a big gap between telling a 5yr old that "other people do things differently" and telling them that other mummies and daddies are big fat liars. You could do the former as well.

Anyway my 12 and 18 year olds know that FC is very real and know that I have absolutely nothing to do with it all at all.

So you want us to tell our children to lie on your behalf, em nope.

Seriously have a head wobble.

Why do they have to lie? They dont have to say anything.

Why are the children who dont believe in santa suddenly the arbitors of truth?
That they must announce this truth cause they dont want to go along with a lie.

It really isn't so deep . A child going on about Santa it isn't unreasonable for another to say I don't believe

Why on earth are you putting your choice of lie on to a child? You are being ridiculous. It isn't a truth. It is the TRUTH.

I am not saying kids cant say they dont believe.

Going about saying your parents are lying to you or announcing it as some children like to be mean is different.

It is a well known tradition. Onus is on the people who decide to be a minority to tell their children to be respectful. They can say i dont believe in santa etc.
But there seems to be a bit of nastiness/ contrarianism in people who must announce THE TRUTH. For no other reason than its THE TRUTH.

Sarah Ockwell-smith is a quack and talks nonsense,She also cherry picks her research.

There's a big gap between telling a 5yr old that "other people do things differently" and telling them that other mummies and daddies are big fat liars.

I don't think any parent is going around saying that though are they? Come on 😂

Five year olds come out with all sorts of nonsense - it's not necessarily stuff they've heard from home. What they actually hear and what they decide they hear are often two incredibly different things!

It isn't asking them to maintain the lie, just to keep their opinion to themselves when they know sticking in their two cents' worth will cause upset or offence.

More so if their opinion hasn't even been sought as IME it is rarely said as part of a general discussion or a slip up, it is almost always announced with the purpose of upsetting the audience.

We're talking about little kids here though - they're not mature enough to fully understand the consequences of what's upsetting and what's not. They're also not going to understand why mummy and daddy can say Santa isn't real but they can't.

😂😂😂😂 oh hunny there's no onus in the minority to tote your lies.

I think you're the one overthinking, to be honest.

Someone has a different opinion to you about whether to tell their children about Father Christmas. So what? Just carry on doing what you want to do. You're perfectly at liberty to ignore any advice you're given. You do your thing and other families can do theirs. It's a non-issue.

I didnt say they had to lie did i?
I said be respectful. As in not going around announcing to children whk do believe that its all lies
Some people are only interested in the truth when it upsets people

Telling the truth is respectful stop being daft. Honestly people need to grow up.

No need for name calling.
I just disagree with you 🤣
I was taught at 8 when i found out to not be mean and tell other people.
Lying by omisson i suppose, but i wanted to be nice

@CynicalSunni so you want us to raise another generation of people pleasing individuals, ? Nope.

And it is daft saying children have to lie. We have spent decades teaching them the opposite for their protection.

I think equating telling children to not ruin santa for others to making people pleasers is a bit of a leap.

Not telling other children the truth about santa doesnt really affect the child does it?
People pleasing has a dentrimental affect. Or you prefer to go completely opposite abd do people unpleasing?

I couldn't live that miserably, to be honest. Where does the truth telling end? Do you tell them the TV shows they watch or the books they read were constructed by a team of people for profit as well? What about their teddy or doll they love so much - that's just plastic, probably made in a sweat shop by a kid their age, and bad for the environment too. Or is there a limit to your utter joylessness?

My children were simply told that some people believe santa is real so dont go spoiling it for them. And as far as I am aware they didn't. They didn't have to lie. They just said nothing.