Or is this Santa post unreasonable?

[BusySyllabub]

The author of gentle parenting books Sarah Ockwell Smith posted on Instagram that it’s best to never pretend that Santa is real.

I did some research on this just to be sure and discovered research that indicated that very few children are adversely affected by the Santa myth.

AIBU to think that we are overthinking everything, taking the magic out of childhood, and that educators are now posting nonsense for clicks and engagement?

Agreed. You have to work out what works best for you, your children and your family unit.

I’m from a non Christian Middle Eastern background but my family had no issue with the Santa myth (my grandfather would dress up as Santa until I was about 6/7!)

I have a friend who consciously made sure her kids were aware Santa wasn’t real (with the caveat that this wasn’t something they would share at school in case it upset others) but her sister did things differently. Two different ways of handling the issue but outcome same (as in, no detriment either way!)

Given that Father Christmas is an integral part of the Christmas experience for young children in the UK I think most parents probably treat Santa like the Easter bunny and tooth fairy, as in, its great fun for little ones, (and imo) harmless to go along with the concept when they’re very young, they’ll learn the truth some day and they will keep going. I don’t know any child who has been traumatised long term by realising Father Christmas isn’t real!

I think we shouldn’t lie to kids. We should share the magic of Christmas as we do unicorns, fairies and the easter bunny, the lying is the issue. Would you want to be manipulated and lied to by your kids? Probably not, what makes everyone think children don’t feel the same? Telling the truth doesn’t preclude celebrating, I often feel it’s the adults who are struggling re: magic, not children…

I think this is very much a personal choice.

Before I had children, I looked back at my own childhood and the things my parents gave me that I wanted to replicate but also the things that had hurt me as a child where I’d want to do better.

Father Christmas was an area where i have 100% happy and magical memories and only have gratitude to my parents for letting me enjoy the magic which is such a special part of childhood. And, as a result, I would do nothing differently to what they did - it was perfect!

Wow. Such bile on a child. And you think that's moral high ground?

Maybe you should have told your daughter that everyone celebrates Christmas differently and believes in different things then?

Good point!

I'll be dashing off a letter to the Oldham Press shortly on this matter.

The heartless bastards.

I was 4 when my mother told me that Father Christmas wasn't real. She told me because an older cousin had found out/been told and was telling everyone. DM didn't want me to hear it from the cousin so she told me herself. She told me that she and DF bought all the presents and would continue to do so. But she also laid it on thick that Cousin was very naughty to be telling people so I wasn't to do that either.

It definitely did not traumatise me and I still had a present labelled "From Father Christmas" until my son came along.

When our children were old enough they knew it was a game that we played and part of the fun was not telling anyone and if anyone said FC wasn't real we had to say he was. Christmas was still magical.

Hollywood films aside i think that things like Santa are just a lovely magical part of childhood. never did me any harm and I learnt the truth long before my parents told me. i think there is so much pressure on kids these days a bit of make believe does no harm but if its not something you want to do fair enough but dont spoil it or command the rest of us to follow suit

I can't get worked up about it.

My DS is 2yo and is excited about Santa and reindeer this year - especially because they are doing lots of Santa-related crafts at nursery.

He's also excited about dinosaurs and enjoys stories and TV shows with talking animals and vehicles. I have no idea which of these he thinks are "real" but he regularly suggests that various characters should come to his house. I'm not insisting that "Peppa's just pretend" every time he says he wants to play with her!

As he gets older, his understanding of stories and characters will get more nuanced, so he will be able to distinguish between pretend characters, extinct animals, historic figures and so on. It doesn't have to be that complicated!

Children's Bibles are highly sanitised and miss out all the sex and violence! The original, especially the Old Testament, would traumatise most children.

Genuine question - why is Christmas spoilt because other children believe differently and do different things?

When ds was five he asked why does Santa look different in books, on tv and movies and at the store. Smart kid worked it out then. I honestly feel stupid about all this pretending nonsense. We all 'pretend' now just for the presents BUT we all don't believe in it. Is it still magic when you know it's all not real?

Although I’m not in agreement with the quoted post, I do think some people seem to focus on persuading their children that FC is real as literal fact for longer than they might- I can remember mums going to great lengths to keep it up when their children were 9 or 10, long after most children would naturally be having doubts. Really don’t see the point of this and thinks it’s more about letting the adults extend the fun for themselves than the benefit of the children. If children start to doubt it, that’s fine- that’s as it should be. Much better than bending over backwards to keep them believing and then having to announce the truth or have them laughed at in secondary school.

For older children there’s often a period of make believe or half belief- where they sort of know and don’t know that he’s not real and suspend the disbelief in order to enjoy the belief - and that is completely fine, better than fine. Much better than insisting it’s all literally true and then announcing it isn’t.

Likewise don't expect me or my children to lie for you

That is the issue your lie doesn't trump the truth.

That seems to the issue.kst of you don't get.

My Grandad said he had an elephant in his shed but I wasn’t allowed in to see it….

Some parents enjoy telling their children about Santa/FC being real and see it as part of the Christmas magic, In contrast I did it because I felt I ought to but felt very uncomfortable about it. I’ve seen people on here say ‘everyone lies to children sometimes’. But for me there’s a massive difference between a small lie like ‘there’s no chocolate left’ where you quickly move on and distract, and if you’re looking into their eyes and lying over and over about something significant, telling them to trust you. I wish I didn’t feel like that, it didn’t make me feel superior or anything, maybe my kids would have had a more ‘magical’ Christmas when they were little if I’d been more wholeheartedly into the Santa thing? Or if I’d not felt I had to go along with it? I certainly don’t think there’s only one right way of doing Christmas for kids.

I'd prefer the leprechauns, keeping an elephant in a shed seems cruel unless it was a very big shed. The leprechauns were free to roam which seems much kinder.

I disagree with that. It's a nice, common and well meaning tradition that most kids in the UK believe. Having a smart arse child announce that he's not real is just unfair. If you don't want your kids to believe then thats fine but make it clear to your kids to keep it to themselves!

I suppose it depends on your priorities but lying about the chocolate sounds like a very serious lie to me. I'm the adult who just had to help myself to some chocolate when I went upstairs for something as I find it impossible to resist and the packet was open.

I think there are various ways of doing things, we never made a big thing about Father Christmas, he just brought some of the presents and never went in their rooms. When they got to the age of asking I was honest. I never ever did the "Father Christmas won't come if you do x or don't do y."

I also don't get the, "I'm not going to lie for you or my child isn't going to lie for you." Why does anyone have to lie, just keep your mouth shut and leave other people alone.

Pretty much every parent I’ve met that has gone out of their way to tell their children that Santa doesn’t exist has been a pretentious twat

Nothing was ruined, don't be so dramatic. Finding out around the age of 7 from another kid is exactly how it's meant to work. The "magic" is meant to be a bit of playful fun, not something sacred that you have to guard at all costs.

This is hilarious. I find it far more bizarre that some parents take whatever these so called ‘parenting experts’ spout to be the absolute last word on parenting 101. 🤣

These shysters are in it for the bloody money and nothing more and it’s easy enough to find evidence to support a particular point of view if you scan your net wide enough.

Bring back common sense parenting!

We did the whole magical Christmas, tooth fairy etc. and still fill a stocking for DS even though he’s an older teen. DH loves Christmas and puts a huge amount of effort into the whole shebang and I’m very grateful that he’s so keen. We also have grandchildren, so he can merrily continue to bring a little magic into their lives. 🥳

I didn’t feel lied to at all. I felt grateful to have had a lovely childhood with a magical Christmas time. And I want my child to have the same.

You disagree that Santa isn’t real?! Seriously though, if I tell my young children Father Christmas doesn’t deliver their stockings then of course I’ll say that some children do believe and we shouldn’t tell them he’s not real. I don’t know what this boy was told privately either but children don’t always do as they’re told and act as they should. A five year old is still learning acceptable behaviour and making mistakes. If his parents fed him the lines or gave him a megaphone knowing what he was going to say that’s not ok, but kids are unpredictable. Respect of belief goes both ways - children should be taught that other people can think differently to them and believe different things and if they still believe in Father Christmas even if Timmy doesn’t, that’s ok.

And the aggressive nature of those who are still trying to force their adolescent children into believing (whilst attacking any child who knows and has the temerity to tell the truth) is one of the most convincing reasons I've found NOT to do Santa very heavily with my DD.