Or is this Santa post unreasonable?

[BusySyllabub]

The author of gentle parenting books Sarah Ockwell Smith posted on Instagram that it’s best to never pretend that Santa is real.

I did some research on this just to be sure and discovered research that indicated that very few children are adversely affected by the Santa myth.

AIBU to think that we are overthinking everything, taking the magic out of childhood, and that educators are now posting nonsense for clicks and engagement?

I think people get themselves into unnecessary knots about this. Santa is just one of a huge number of imaginative threads that we weave into our family life without going out of our way to label as ‘truth’ or ‘lie’. Like the slipper goblins who hide my son’s slippers sometimes, or when we go Gruffalo hunting in the woods, or when we talk about dragons and unicorns and kelpies. I don’t consider it harmful to children to let them believe there is magic woven in with reality when they’re little, and I believe that in the overwhelming majority of cases an understanding of the way the world really operates develops organically as they mature and their brains develop.

There certainly doesn’t seem to be widespread harm to my generation from having been brought up believing in Santa, but for some reason a large number of us have collectively decided that anything other than relentless, earnest realism is causing psychiatric damage to children, despite that flying in the face of our own happy memories.

At the end of the day, everyone knows their own child best. If you have a legitimate fear that your own child won’t cope with the introduction of a fantasy element to Christmas then, of course, avoid it and feel secure in your choice. But there’s no need to make sweeping extrapolations that a concept which has brought joy and magic to millions of children for decades is actually harmful and cruel.

I wonder if the reaction depends on how old you are when you find out. I can imagine feeling a bit upset if I was 12 and thought everyone was laughing at me. I found out at 7, a month after my birthday (I can work it out because of when my birthday is and a month later the Christmas stuff starts) I was a bit surprised, asked my mother to confirm it and life went on. I think the penny dropped with my kids at about the same age.

I'd also been told about St Nicholas and I told my children so when we found out it was just about how this was a way of carrying on what St Nicholas did.

We did do Santa with ours and I don't remember it being a huge deal at all. My daughter realised quite young that he wasn't real and my son a bit older but neither of them were upset and definitely hasn't had any adverse effect on them.

The Bible is NOT suitable for children, regardless of your religious beliefs!

Well I’ll never know, but as we have Santa in our house I do know I love it and I’d hate that to be taken away from my children too early.

Oh I know you weren't @OrangeSlices998 but it seems to be what a lot of people are implying 🙈

I'm wondering now if my granddad didn't have leprechauns at the bottom of his garden. I have very fond memories of us looking for them in the wild bit at the bottom of the garden. I never did see them but granddad said I had to be very quiet and I'm not sure I managed it.

Maybe its how/if you are told as well. I've seen parents of children of up to 10 who have been asked to tell the truth, and instead, they have gone out of their way to "prove" Santa's existence and added a heaping of emotional blackmail ("If you don't believe you won't receive!") It's not surprising that those children will feel annoyed when they find out.

We play along with it with my 4yo because you can't avoid it and I'm not going to actively tell her it's not real when all her friends believe.

When she asks me to be honest, I will be.

@ANiceCuppaTeaandBiscuit and that's fine - my objection isn't really with people doing "Santa" it's with them somehow implying that children who grow up without it are somehow deprived or missing out, that's all.

The Bible is a collection of books in different genres: poetry, history, law, theology etc.

Man eaten by whale, world made in seven days- symbolic fiction.
St Paul preaching at the Acropolis in the first century, early Christians being killed across Roman Empire- actually happened.

I have never told my daughter Father Christmas exists. She is 11 now and has always loved Christmas. It is patronising to say that only going along with the Father Christmas story makes Christmas special.

Yes that sounds reasonable. Another child at school told me, when I got home I asked and my mother was honest about it but told me not to spoil it for my little brother.

My parents didnt really "do" Santa when I was growing up, in the sense that they never presented him as a real person. He was always presented as a game, like any other role play or dressing up game. It didn't detract from the "magic of Christmas" at all 🙄 We had loads of other Christmas traditions that made it magical.

Father Christmas, Easter bunny, Tooth Fairy, Christmas Elf, Disneyland, Paddington Bear, Fairy Stories, Harry Potter..... It all adds fun and excitement to what can be a depressing world. For kids and adults. Kids aren't stupid - they work it out. It's a rite of passage.

Can't stand these goody-goody so called experts who want to suck the fun out of everything.

A tea party which everyone they know is joining in with, including adults who don't usually have time to play, would be very exciting.

I lied back to my parents. Pretended I believed in case the presents dried up. My older brother gave the game away years before.

As with most things, there's more than one 'right' way to do these things and a lot of it depends on the child. I was a cynical kid from the get-go and found the idea of Father Christmas illogical. I asked my mother outright when I was four, according to her I said that I wanted her to tell me the truth quite firmly, so she did tell me the truth. Although I don't remember that specific conversation, I do remember having a sense that it would be nice to 'play along' with the tradition and continued going through the motions until I was a teenager, and thoroughly enjoying it 😆

My DS, on the other hand, who's five, WANTS to believe. There is no Santa costume bad enough to shake his determination that it's all real. The Santa that came through our village at the lights switch-on had a beard made out of what looked like cotton wool, and he asked me if he was the real Santa. And then went on to create a story about how one of the kids at his school has seen the actual real Santa and actually, he has a beard just like that, so he must be the real one. Im quite non-commital because I don't want to outright lie, but I can't see how it's really deception to play along with the belief of a child who flits between fantasy and reality due to their developmental stage.

The problem starts, in my opinion, when parents actively do things to sustain their child's belief at the age when they're naturally starting to question things, like making photoshopped pictures of Santa in their living room etc. It's understandable to want your child to stay in that lovely stage for as long as possible. But it's also natural for children to start to emerge from that stage where fantasy and reality merge, and I can see that trying to prolong their belief does cross the line into deception instead of playing along when they start seriously questioning.

I can't really understand the point of view of saying that it's harmful to ask children not to tell their believing friends that Santa isn't real. There are harmful lies and harmless omissions- when I found out Santa wasn't real, I was more than able to understand that there are things we don't say in certain company because it's hurtful, upsetting or spoils a surprise (Santa isn't real, mummy's buying you a jumper for your birthday, that lady has a funny nose) and the difference between that and a proper secret. Although my DS has already been told by other kids, he just scoffs and carries on believing 😆

And we've got two, if not three, of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse gathering together now too!

We were very light touch with father Christmas bringing only the stockings. When DC were curious we mentioned father Christmas with the emphasis on father. You could also mention in this house it may well be Mother Christmas. Telling them without telling them!
We still have such a magical time at Christmas and would reccomend having traditions that can grow into adulthood (certain music first thing on Christmas, games, films and obviously food)

Honestly I'm sad that Santa isn't real and I'm in my 30's - this is only because I have to buy the presents and some magical man isn't bringing them 😂.

I've seen alot of people over the years say it's damaging to lie to your children about Santa being real but it doesn't bloody matter. If you don't want to let your kids believe in Santa then fine as long as they're not ruining it for other kids but if Sandra down the road wants to continue with Santa then she shouldn't be made to feel like she's in the wrong for "lying" to her child.

My sister has done this, and my niece ruined it for my daughter. She is 7, and I am still mad about it. At least tell your kids not to ruin it for others. I take comfort in the fact that her superior empathetic parenting will mean her daughter has no friends at school.

We put out stockings, don’t label the gifts in them and wrap them in different paper. We put out a mince pie/drink and a carrot at kids request (since eldest was about 4 and started talking about it at nursery). They have a Father Christmas visit at school and see ones out and about and are definitely aware those are people acting a part like the Santa in a movie. I feel like with small kids you would rarely have to outright lie for them to form a belief in Father Christmas. He’s everywhere as a symbol of Christmas. I’ve never got an elf or made fake footprints but we do eat the mince pie and drink the drink the kids leave and we do fill stockings after they go to bed. They are currently 8 & 10 and I’m pretty sure they know it’s all just a game now but we will continue doing it as even when they know they still enjoy it. In a few years I’m sure the mince pie/drink will stop but imagine we will always do them stockings (my mum only stopped doing mine in my early 30s after we had kids and OH and I started doing each others). It feels like some people worry more than they need to about this. Whatever you do as your family traditions and regardless of whether it involves Father Christmas it can be a super special time of year for little kids and it can feel magical. If anything is likely to spoil it then I’d argue it’s more likely to be the zillion commercial opportunities (elf, ever more elaborate advent calendars, polar breakfast, Xmas eve boxes etc) making a lot of parents get really stressed out than it is to be open you are doing any the Santa things as a game vs it being real.

I remember being very uncomfortable "lying" to my dch. It's the first lie we tell, isn't it? That was 30 years ago. I'm surprised that some people (who celebrate Christmas) don't tell their kids that FC is real - I thought it was obligatory! I agree with the poster above who said a bit of fantasy and make-believe is lovely. If you can find a way of doing that lightly ( without all the other crap about He Knows when you've been good etc) then that's probably what I would do these days.

My mum told me the truth about FC when I was five. It was too young! I remember being sad. Better that they find out later but you don't actually lie - " Some people reckon they've seen him!" with a 😉.

If you don't want to let your kids believe in Santa then fine as long as they're not ruining it for other kids

Or you could just tell your kids that everyone does Christmas differently and that not everyone believes in Santa?

Why should other children have to lie to protect the story you chose to tell yours?