To have walked out of my work Christmas party in favour of dining alone

[Namechangey23]

New employer..I don't know many people as yet. Works Christmas party on Oxford st. No real entertainment, no food (yet!) and dull dull small talk, which, to be honest, was never my strong suit. God it bored the absolute tits off me. So I've walked out at 7.30pm in favour of dinner alone in a nice Turkish restaurant. Sod wasting a child free night on that rubbish! Life's too bloody short! Should I have stayed to show willing, AIBU for leaving...or would you do the same? Yes I've seen the mistake in the title and no I can't change it.

It's fine, OP. Not everyone wants to socialise with their colleagues, and if I was your manager, I wouldn't consider that you had marked your card in the slightest. I don't really care if you show up to social events, I just want you to be able to do your job and get on with other people during office hours.

I do think it's probably better not to go at all than to go and leave super early, but you stayed for an hour and a half so that's perfectly respectable in my book.

I also hate these events but I'm another one that feels that I have no choice but to show up as the boss. Did try to steer people more towards a lunch event this year, but they wanted to do their usual thing. I wish I could duck out but it would be noticed and it wouldn't go down well!

@Namechangey23 nope, you are not everyone's cup of tea you are freaking CHAMPAGNE!

You had me at Turkish food! Life is too short to waste child minding and a night off 🌸

Tell them you were ill, and left quietly so as not to draw attention.

I don't really care if you show up to social events, I just want you to be able to do your job and get on with other people during office hours

I am glad there are at least a few sensible managers on MN.

OK I get they might not be your type of people. I also get it wasn't your type of social event. As an observation, it sounds like you're not very emotionally intelligent, not too concerned about how you come across and didn't even have the manners to excuse yourself due an an oncoming "migraine" which would have given you a gracious let out. Just my take on it, maybe I'm very wrong..
IMHO, you're missing a MAJOR trick here. These events are where you make your connections, get to know each other (even if you're not interested) because at some point in the future, you will need support, advice, guidance, additional resource, call it what you may - and that's where you've absolutely missed the point. People work with people, not against them if you want to succeed.. When someone goes out of their way to help you, it's called discretionary effort - ie I can't be *rsed to help you OR I'm more than willing to assist?
Example: I used to work in HR in Manufacturing. The usual Christmas bash took place across the road, most senior managers stayed for a drink and then excused themselves. On that occasion I stayed and took the opportunity to chat with a few people around the business I hadn't yet met. As the evening went on, drinks had flowed and a fight broke out. I went in and broke it up, made them shake hands and I heard a few comments about the consequences of HR being present. As it happened, I didn't report it, there was no point, everyone was ok after that and carried on with their evening. OK, no big deal BUT (and a major but) going forward, any problems I had with the shop floor guys and union reps after that were respectful and positive, even when it was a difficult conversation.
Play the long game @Namechangey23; honestly, make those connections and you'll find you'll be rewarded in spades.

Good grief!

@Trainingfairy So you're suggesting that lying to management is the way to go? Shocking, especially from someone who claims that this is HR approved

Ummmmm lying to management - I don't see that anywhere, I said I didn't report it as there was no point as the incident was over in seconds. In fact I was absolutely open book in the workplace about what had happened, it would have been stupid to do otherwise with so many people who witnessed the incident.

"Someone who claims this is HR approved". Talk about putting words in someone's mouth! You weren't there, I've said what happened, your perception.

You may come across as stand-offisih - not to me, but to some

I was told i was rude to leave my work xmas party one year and im fairly certain it was at least in part, and unofficially, used as a reason to get rid of me. I had my performance revew in November where I was classed as 'outstanding' so was a massive shock

Our office was in the city centre and the Christmas Party actually started at 1pm. (we worked half day, then got ready for a posh lunch/piss up) that went on all night.

I had to be at my other job by 9pm, so would have thought i'd have plenty of time for the party, but at 0830pm i made my excuses and left - and said goodbye etc

I liked the party, it was fun, but after 7.5 hours, i had to go to my other job

I found myself in HR office being 'let go' literally three weeks later. I could not believe it.

She said it was due to the new telephone system and not needing as many staff anymore, but during the speech the HR lady seemed to take pleasure in telling me I was rude to walk out of a free christmas do! I was made to feel very small and embarrased - and she spoke to me like one of those old sneering school marms. I was young and didnt stick up for myself - if I was spoke to like that now she would get told to fuck off...........I mean she knew i was a single parent. I hadnt turned my nose up, it was a great time.

The crippling shoes have really piqued my interest. Why? Seems totally out of character, in the context of all your other posts, to have caused yourself pain for appearances’ sake.

Serious question, why not wear comfortable shoes?

Sorry, you already know them pretty well? You said the opposite right at the top of your OP. I’m not trying to pull you apart, I actually don’t think what you did was a massive deal, but that is a confusing contradiction to my mind.

I think you were fine. You turned up. Showed your face. Hung about for a bit. It was shit, so you left.

If anyone says anything, say that you had a childcare emergency

And uncomfortable party underwear?? For an office after works drinks party?

I'm still mystified why the OP thinks she did anything worth starting this thread about.

You suggested for her to excuse herself with an oncoming migraine when she didn't have one. That's lying in my world.

You also made a point of claiming that you used to work in HR.

I changed my vote when I read you’d been there an hour and half and it was in a bar, and you didn’t flounce out doing the ‘v’,s 😂

The older I get the more I can’t be arsed with these things.

In my previous roles I’ve always shown willing and god, they’ve all invariably been awful. Now if it was being paid for and was in a fantastic venue that’s different. I have never been lucky enough to go to a fab Christmas do like the ones you see in the films, with unlimited champagne and excitement and Directors going bonkers ( My daughter has - but she’s in private business)

Mostly people make excuses and leave asap after the food. Then a few of us may have another couple of drinks and then go home.

This year I have declined one lunch and a Secret Santa. I’m trying to think how I can get out of another one. However I am doing a little seperate get together with some old colleagues who are now good friends and meeting another old friend who I used to work with, during Christmas, for a meal and a few wines. That’ll do me.

These events are where you make your connections, get to know each other (even if you're not interested) because at some point in the future, you will need support, advice, guidance, additional resource, call it what you may - and that's where you've absolutely missed the point

They're really not. You sit next to someone you don't know, so you get to know them a bit, and then as soon as the dinner is over, they go off to talk to someone more interesting and you either talk to the people you work with all the time, or leave early.

Xmas parties are not where deals are made!

When a party takes place outside working hours, people can excuse themselves with whatever reason they like.

People don't need to make excuses, they can do exactly what the OP did and leave silently. The amount of times that I see on here the advice to make up a whole convoluted story to excuse something is incredible

Because I haven't really needed to buy going out shoes since having children as it's such a rare occurrence...so they are pretty old and from my youth, they are the only shoes I could find which mildly went with my dress . Sadly now my feet are pretty deformed thanks to (TMI) hereditary bunions so most pretty shoes cripple me. I never said I didn't make an effort! However in truth I probably resented feeling the need to dress up a smidge especially as it takes way way more effort and scaffolding these ways to look halfway decent. I thought it would be a bit more than standing around in a virtually empty room with a few drinks, crap music, no food and everyone huddling in their respective teams.

I'm still mystified why you are still here? Other threads available, fill your boots!

Sounds like they did you a favour, what an awful company! You'd have had strong ground a for constructive/unfair dismissal surely! I can understand they'd be cross if it's something very expensive, sit down meal and you had to have tickets etc. but you were there for most of it. They've used it as an excuse, the HR woman sounds like a power crazed bitch to be honest. So far I still have a job and no one really noticed but I haven't seen everyone yet.

I know the people I directly work with well but that's it and most of them weren't there, just a couple.. I did get introduced to a few people and made some small talk but I just feel totally dead inside doing it, I just don't have it in me to sustain it and I feel totally wooden. Can't explain it. To the person who said you are probably on the spectrum, well maybe who knows! I do struggle to hear what people are saying too, when there is a lot of background noise as there always is in these situations, so this makes following conversations harder when you are only catching every other word and straining to hear. Rather than keep asking people to repeat themselves or making them shout, I end up pretending to hear and nod along which means I can't really participate and get found out when someone asks me a question!! I do find small talk dull anyway ...does that make me a bad person? Surely I am not alone? I shouldn't have gone at all really but was trying to show willing, but then after a while realised...why am I wasting my unpaid child free evening feeling uncomfortable, bored and longing to be anywhere but here....!

You really did the right thing by leaving.

Did anyone ask the staff how they wanted to celebrate?

I think it was fine that you left if you weren't enjoying it but I do think it was rude that you didn't say goodbye and people will have found that rude and will remember.
People wouldn't have cared enough to have pulled apart your excuse if you'd made one up.

Also, you are new to the job. Surely all interactions with people you don't know start with small talk...
I don't think you can expect to straight away have wonderful amazing connections and conversations with people you don't know.