To have walked out of my work Christmas party in favour of dining alone

[Namechangey23]

New employer..I don't know many people as yet. Works Christmas party on Oxford st. No real entertainment, no food (yet!) and dull dull small talk, which, to be honest, was never my strong suit. God it bored the absolute tits off me. So I've walked out at 7.30pm in favour of dinner alone in a nice Turkish restaurant. Sod wasting a child free night on that rubbish! Life's too bloody short! Should I have stayed to show willing, AIBU for leaving...or would you do the same? Yes I've seen the mistake in the title and no I can't change it.

I think it totally depends on how many people were there and how visible or otherwise your exit was. If no one noticed, then no big deal; if you obviously ditched your new colleagues then you might experience a bit of backlash, but you sound hardy enough to take it!

But why does she need to make an effort? I would consider the ‘freebie’ bit of the night as the ‘work do’ and the remainder as ‘stay out if you want’. It’s a night out outside of work hours, I don’t consider there to be any obligation to stay out

I really doubt anyone will have noticed your exit or care if they did!

I am so glad I am self employed and no longer have to tolerate the corporate world. It bored me when I worked there and I would be far less tolerant of it now.

I did dodge as many Christmas events as I could but the social pressure to attend and pretend to enjoy them is a thing. As is amply evidenced in this thread!

Yes I have done this many times too. I don’t think it was bad of OP to leave, but it was rude to not let anyone know. I always messaged when I’d got home safely.

OP hasn’t said if anyone has asked if she’s ok, but if they haven’t bothered I think that says quite a lot about her relationship with colleagues.

Yeah, this is what I have experienced in London too. People leaving at random times because of other commitments or just because they want to. Not always saying bye either. Didn't affect their career or anything.

I absolutely HATE work parties and don't go at all. No reason given. I just don't reply to the invite. I've been promoted twice, so no, not career ending.

Maybe she should have stayed and improved the quality of the conversation!

I voted that you were being unreasonable, but then, having read all your replies, I have changed my mind and commend your honesty. Life is too short to have to play somebody else’s game. The ‘do’ from which you escaped sounds like my idea of hell too. Perhaps it’s one I would have endured when younger and less confident, but I just now politely decline. The only thing I would suggest you did wrong is to not at least tell somebody (line manager?) that you had to leave.

Whereas you sound absolutely delightful...

It seems arrogant, but perhaps it is the sort of bravado that actually masks an anxiety/ insecurity? If this is the case for the OP, they will not have been alone in feeling that. Apologies to the OP if I am wrong about this, I don’t them after all!
Still, better to try to be honest and just tell someone you’re going to slip off as it isn’t really your thing, than just to disappear, in case someone worries. Then again, I guess it depends on the set up.

Having read all the OP's posts it's all a bit "ooh, look at me, I'm such a rebel"

In reality she was at a drinks party of around 50 people for an hour and a half. No big deal whatsoever to leave. No need whatsoever to make such a drama out of it.

The older you get, the more that you realise that nobody gives a fig about you leaving early & are quite bewildered as to why you'd be telling them that you're going!

Do you think they noticed?

Or to look at it differently, honesty for putting her head in the door and then leaving. Why is there an expectation to attend these occasions, if you find them hideous? Expecting others to enjoy things is equally immature

I'm with OP on this. Despite misgivings she gave it a try, it wasn't for her so she left. 90 minutes of her free time and the getting ready and travel time and effort, all unpaid, taken up because her work decided to hold something out of hours and people are made to feel they should go.
I'd love to do a show of hands at these parties as to how many people actually want to be there.

Good on you! In retrospect it was probably better to have not gone in the first place. I have recently ducked out of a 'Christmas do' because I couldn't face making small talk over a cheap meal with people I don't really know.

You could always say you suddenly felt unwell and thought it best to leave. Maybe a migraine? Or something like that. Or, you got a phone call from someone needing you urgently. I'm not a fan of telling lies but if there's anything that fits, sometimes that's a little kinder than "Nothing would induce me to spend a moment of my time, unpaid, with you."

Home. Uncomfortable party underwear removed, cosy PJs on, crippling shoes kicked off, reindeer novelty slippers on.

Christmas movie on, chocolate and more wine.

This is the bloody life!!

Now how to get myself out of the one tomorrow...

You can use tonight only the groundwork for tomorrow. Say you had to duck out as feeling unwell, and what a shame this means you likely don’t feel up to another do.

There's nothing wrong or odd about leaving after an hour and a half when it was just drinks in a bar.

It's pathetic however coming on here bigging herself up as if she'd something extraordinary and outrageous and brave.

In reality she was at a drinks party of around 50 people for an hour and a half. No big deal whatsoever to leave. No need whatsoever to make such a drama out of it.

This is what I think. It sounds run of the mill to me. Quite alot of people there. She’s new and doesn’t know them well.

There’s normally no expectation that people stay any particular length of time at these things.

I think the words “walked out” give the wrong impression- OP left. Walked out suggests an ostentatious flounce, and it sounds like she left quietly and without anyone noticing.

There's also the unpleasant tone of superiority about how dull every one else was.

and dull dull small talk, which, to be honest, was never my strong suit. God it bored the absolute tits off me

Tomorrow I would just say that I wasn't feeling well so went home early and you're still not feeling well so you won't be going tomorrow night either.

God, I'm glad I don't work for you. You sound ridiculously self-important. 'Furious' because a colleague left a party early because they weren't feeling up to it. Do you work in PR? They're always very up themselves.

Yes I agree, there is absolutely no pressure or expectation to stay out of paid hours. But I think it’s manners to make an effort with colleagues/clients especially within a job that requires teamwork and networking, if you’ve said you’ll attend an event and then leave early or cancel without enough notice it can be seen as rude. It’s the attitude that a can’t quite explain, but always seems selfish and ungrateful always takes, picks what suits her but never gives or never considers others or their feelings. A bit like the op being ungrateful of the event , wasn’t to her taste so just left.

this case it was different though , I didn’t see the update till after I posted.
If were 50 people and she’d been an hour and a half, still no food, that’s fine to go eat if you’re starving after working all day. I did update to say she’s wasn’t unreasonable in this situation. Still a bit rude not to mention she was leaving early and to be very ungrateful about being invited.

*didn’t quote poster I was replying to

Well when I do something "extraordinary and outrageous and brave" @IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle I'll write a novel, not a mumsnet post about it. Don't worry I'll be sure to send you a signed copy. 😉

why? She gets paid to do a job, not to socialise.