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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have walked out of my work Christmas party in favour of dining alone

419 replies

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 19:52

New employer..I don't know many people as yet. Works Christmas party on Oxford st. No real entertainment, no food (yet!) and dull dull small talk, which, to be honest, was never my strong suit. God it bored the absolute tits off me. So I've walked out at 7.30pm in favour of dinner alone in a nice Turkish restaurant. Sod wasting a child free night on that rubbish! Life's too bloody short! Should I have stayed to show willing, AIBU for leaving...or would you do the same? Yes I've seen the mistake in the title and no I can't change it.

OP posts:
Tetchypants · 04/12/2024 20:02

Rude to leave without telling anyone. Has anyone messaged to ask where you are?

ThatGladTiger · 04/12/2024 20:02

OP how old are you? Just seems a bit childish and immature to sneak out at the start of something! We’ve all snuck out early from an event…. But not at the very start.

I would have thought you’d want to make a good impression being new. No worries with leaving, you are entitled to do that, but you should have just got up and said “thanks guys, see you later!”

Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:03

Scutterbug · 04/12/2024 20:01

Pretty rude to just leave without at least making an excuse.

Yes but someone would have persuaded me to stay if I'd told them! I shouldn't have gone at all I had to force myself to go anyway. Hate these things!

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:04

ThatGladTiger · 04/12/2024 20:02

OP how old are you? Just seems a bit childish and immature to sneak out at the start of something! We’ve all snuck out early from an event…. But not at the very start.

I would have thought you’d want to make a good impression being new. No worries with leaving, you are entitled to do that, but you should have just got up and said “thanks guys, see you later!”

Old...I would never ever have had the balls to do that when younger.

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 04/12/2024 20:04

It wouldn’t have gone down well in the places I’ve worked, sadly, they would expect you to stay and socialise. I don’t know if that’s the same everywhere, though.

EmeraldRoulette · 04/12/2024 20:04

It's fine

everyone will think you told someone else you were heading off

no food by that time is mad. People are probably tiddly already.

GermanBite · 04/12/2024 20:04

Tetchypants · 04/12/2024 20:02

Rude to leave without telling anyone. Has anyone messaged to ask where you are?

Surely it depends on the size of the company? If more than 30/40 people are there, I wouldn't expect someone to have to declare their exit.

Overthebow · 04/12/2024 20:05

Work parties are just one of those things you have to get through. It looks bad if you don’t attended even worse walking out.

ViciousCurrentBun · 04/12/2024 20:05

It was a massive mistake, unless something is dangerous or illegal sometimes you have to suck it up for work things. Card will be marked but it depends by who really. To not go at all is fine.

MN has a much higher proportion of the socially anxious and anti social which are very different stances but have the same outcome so you will probably get quite a bit of support however back in non MN world you would be viewed more negatively.

Fairislesweater · 04/12/2024 20:05

I’m surprised at some of the responses on here. Maybe it depends on your industry or workplace ethos but I’ve never ever worked anywhere where this would be an issue. In fact our big boss only shows his face and then ducks out as he hates seeing his employees get shitfaced. It’s quite normal in my world for people to drift off during the evening without doing the rounds saying goodbye.

edited to add I’d be pretty pissed off at my ‘cards being marked’ by something completely outside the workplace but again maybe that’s down to the industry. I’m not in a job where networking or showing face matters

Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:06

Tuhlula · 04/12/2024 19:56

How will you feel when you go into work?

Whether I should bother with the next Christmas party ..which is tomorrow! And there are more after that. Think I have Christmas party fatigue!

OP posts:
Calmhappyandhealthy · 04/12/2024 20:06

You seem proud of your rudeness

Not really sure why

StMarie4me · 04/12/2024 20:06

I would certainly mark your card for this. Rude and immature.

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 04/12/2024 20:07

Overthebow · 04/12/2024 20:05

Work parties are just one of those things you have to get through. It looks bad if you don’t attended even worse walking out.

Bollocks.

I generally go once every 4 years.

But I agree better to not go than to go and walk out.

NeedToChangeName · 04/12/2024 20:07

Safe to say this thread didn't go as OP intended

Agree with PP, you were rude and gave a poor impression to your new colleagues

ChloeCannotCanCan · 04/12/2024 20:08

HeddaGarbled · 04/12/2024 19:57

That’s really rude and will have marked your card in your new job.

Don’t go, fine. Go and stick it out, but learn your lesson and don’t go next year, also fine.

Go but walk out because they’re not good enough for you, offensive.

Agree totally!

You have been so rude and it will be noticed, prepare to be unpopular Op.

WarmFrogPond · 04/12/2024 20:08

I’d have stayed and got to know my new colleagues, even if it wasn’t the most interesting of set-ups.

jupiterhigh · 04/12/2024 20:08

Good for you, people saw and spoke with you and then you got to do your own shit. Sounds great to me!

NewName24 · 04/12/2024 20:09

Incredibly rude.

Unbelievable that - if you felt you needed to be so rude as to leave so early and make no effort to get to know anyone - that you didn't tell anyone. Even if it were a lie about some emergency or about not feeling so good. Just walking out means people would worry about what happened to you.

I mean, if you didn't want to go, then you should have said that in the first place and not gone.

Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:09

Overthebow · 04/12/2024 20:05

Work parties are just one of those things you have to get through. It looks bad if you don’t attended even worse walking out.

So not attending at all would have been better? Noted. There was however rumbling that it was expected we would attend. Well I did, just not for long! Why do we have to 'get through' it though? I went out of a sense of duty and then thought... I am not being paid for this. And it is tedious...

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 04/12/2024 20:09

Fairislesweater · 04/12/2024 20:05

I’m surprised at some of the responses on here. Maybe it depends on your industry or workplace ethos but I’ve never ever worked anywhere where this would be an issue. In fact our big boss only shows his face and then ducks out as he hates seeing his employees get shitfaced. It’s quite normal in my world for people to drift off during the evening without doing the rounds saying goodbye.

edited to add I’d be pretty pissed off at my ‘cards being marked’ by something completely outside the workplace but again maybe that’s down to the industry. I’m not in a job where networking or showing face matters

Edited

Same

i have never worked anywhere that people would pay attention unless it's in the last folks getting cabs at 2am and then you check in with each other

if a sit down dinner is happening, it's different but for just drinks, no one notices, especially if there's lots of people there.

you'll be engrossed in chat and then think "oh Sarah went home". Doesn't matter. We're all adults!

edit - just remembered someone got left at a venue when there was a coach home. Clearly I worked with the irresponsible people 😂

SleepToad · 04/12/2024 20:10

I've slipped away from a works do...pretendous bar we went too and went for a drink somewhere better. Went down very badly with the boss (was and probably still is a @#£%) Told him I was paying for my own drinks so what was his problem, I rejoined everyone later.

Mind you I'd already decided to take redundancy that was on the horizon

Happyinarcon · 04/12/2024 20:10

Part of forming relationships and links with our wider community involves being at social events when we’d rather be elsewhere. It’s just like having a strong extended family sometimes involves spending Xmas day with people you might not like

Thunderpants88 · 04/12/2024 20:10

So ignorant and rude. I hope you paid your own way!

I would be so ashamed if my DH or kids did that. Your not better than anyone else in the room and your basically saying “you are all boring and I would rather spend the evening alone”

honestly I can’t believe you did this. If I was your employer I would be fuming

PullTheBricksDown · 04/12/2024 20:10

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:01

I bloody well hope it hasn't marked my card! I wasn't exactly the life and soul of the party so don't think I'll be missed.

Show quote history

So it didn't even cross your mind that this might be the outcome?

You're hardly putting the effort in yourself. If you'd agreed to go you might as well at least try to talk to people. Do you actually like your new job and workplace?