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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband thinks I owe him money for maternity leave?

1000 replies

LemonadeShadeParade · 04/12/2024 13:38

I am so confused! So pleased advice me!

I took 10 months mat leave, and my work did not provide any enhanced mat pay because I had been there less than two years. So I've been living off SMP only which isn't very much! My husband and I discussed this would be the case before getting pregnant and agreed we could manage as we both had allocated baby savings and my husband has a fairly decent salary (though I am the higher earner of the two of us).

I tried my best to contribute but as the months went on and I ran out of savings I had to contribute less and less. Again, this was all discussed before we got pregnant.

I'm about to return to work.

My husband has now sprung on me, that he's been calculating how much I've been short every month, adding it all up and now thinks I owe him the total 🫤

E.g. (not the real numbers) If I usually paid him £800 a month towards bills etc and in March actually paid him £300, he put down that I owe him £500 for the month of March. If I paid him £600 in April, he thinks I owe him £200 for April. Etc. and he's totalled it all up for 10 months and said that's what I owe him for being on mat leave.

AIBU to be a bit ??? by this? Firstly it's not what we agreed but more importantly we're a married couple and this is OUR baby not MY baby. AIBU to think his role here was to support his family whereas mine was to keep the baby alive? I was too shell shocked to say anything before we were interrupted and didn't finish the conversation.

I'm so confused, am I wrong? I mean if he suddenly lost his job or got sick, I would support our family, is that not how families work? Doesn't the working parent support the other parent who's off work looking after the baby? I thought that's how this works?! ☹️

OP posts:
DecayingRelic · 04/12/2024 13:40

wtf? really?

Threetrees745 · 04/12/2024 13:40

Tell him to fuck off

MagnificentTrousers · 04/12/2024 13:40

What. The. Fuck?

loveawineloveacrisp · 04/12/2024 13:40

Is this for real?

Falseshamrok · 04/12/2024 13:41

Bill him for childcare

CindyBirdsong · 04/12/2024 13:41

Bill him back for childcare or tell him to Fuck off, is he usually this awful?

Couldyounot · 04/12/2024 13:41

Kick him

WomenInConstruction · 04/12/2024 13:42

What an arse.

Bill him for your time.

Then divorce him.

I say that flippantly, the divorce bit, but really!
Who expects a woman to drop out of a situation of earning an income in order to dedicate herself to raising a baby you share with her and expect her to do this while shouldering all the financial responsibilities she did same as before.

Cartwrightandson · 04/12/2024 13:42

Errrr nooo...you had maternity leave because you carried and birthed his child. You're married so all money is a joint asset and shared..you owe him nothing, he owes you an apology

murasaki · 04/12/2024 13:42

Who on earth thinks you are being unreasonable?

Goldenbear · 04/12/2024 13:42

Wow- what an odd perception of marriage he has

Ellerby83 · 04/12/2024 13:42

That's awful. Bill him for childcare

averylongtimeago · 04/12/2024 13:42

What a prince among men!
Honestly what does he think you've been doing? All night parties and designer handbags?

ToBeOrNotToBee · 04/12/2024 13:42

Give him a bill for all your household chores, cooking and childcare expenses.

Butchyrestingface · 04/12/2024 13:42

Tell him he owes YOU money for his share of the childcare.

And don’t have any more kids with him.

Mangocity · 04/12/2024 13:42

Unbelievable. Why are you with him?

Bakedpotatoes · 04/12/2024 13:42

Falseshamrok · 04/12/2024 13:41

Bill him for childcare

Yep this. What an utter bell end.

Screamingabdabz · 04/12/2024 13:42

Another baby being born into a situation with a prick of a father. 🙄

SweetBobby · 04/12/2024 13:42

Send him an invoice for carrying and birthing his child.

HermioneWeasley · 04/12/2024 13:42

Present him with a bill for 24/7 childcare for the duration of your maternity leave.

seriously, WTAF

Maray1967 · 04/12/2024 13:43

Falseshamrok · 04/12/2024 13:41

Bill him for childcare

This. Sit down and work out childcare rates and split them in half - that is what he would owe you if you hadn’t stayed off work.

DenmarkStreet · 04/12/2024 13:43

Invoice him for 24/7 childcare for 10 months. Plus medical compensation for any child birth related injuries. Plus any potential loss of career progression etc during pregnancy.

LemonadeShadeParade · 04/12/2024 13:43

CindyBirdsong · 04/12/2024 13:41

Bill him back for childcare or tell him to Fuck off, is he usually this awful?

He can be selfish and his family are all a bit weird with money but he's never sprung something like this on me before. I swear he's usually a very very good man. When I was a student at university he didn't pull anything like this which has made it more confusing. Its really hit me because it really isn't like him at all!

Idk if he's just winding me up but he seems serious about it.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 04/12/2024 13:43

This needs sorting right now or you'll be expected to pay everything for your child/ren forever.

saltysandysea · 04/12/2024 13:43

Ffs - he needs a reality check. Remind him the baby is his child as much as it is yours. He needs to grow up, dig deep to find a shred of decency & provide for his family.

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