Husband thinks I owe him money for maternity leave?

[LemonadeShadeParade]

I am so confused! So pleased advice me!

I took 10 months mat leave, and my work did not provide any enhanced mat pay because I had been there less than two years. So I've been living off SMP only which isn't very much! My husband and I discussed this would be the case before getting pregnant and agreed we could manage as we both had allocated baby savings and my husband has a fairly decent salary (though I am the higher earner of the two of us).

I tried my best to contribute but as the months went on and I ran out of savings I had to contribute less and less. Again, this was all discussed before we got pregnant.

I'm about to return to work.

My husband has now sprung on me, that he's been calculating how much I've been short every month, adding it all up and now thinks I owe him the total 🫤

E.g. (not the real numbers) If I usually paid him £800 a month towards bills etc and in March actually paid him £300, he put down that I owe him £500 for the month of March. If I paid him £600 in April, he thinks I owe him £200 for April. Etc. and he's totalled it all up for 10 months and said that's what I owe him for being on mat leave.

AIBU to be a bit ??? by this? Firstly it's not what we agreed but more importantly we're a married couple and this is OUR baby not MY baby. AIBU to think his role here was to support his family whereas mine was to keep the baby alive? I was too shell shocked to say anything before we were interrupted and didn't finish the conversation.

I'm so confused, am I wrong? I mean if he suddenly lost his job or got sick, I would support our family, is that not how families work? Doesn't the working parent support the other parent who's off work looking after the baby? I thought that's how this works?! ☹️

If this is real you need to leave this arsehole. He isn't a decent partner. Get rid.

Respond with an invoice for loss of earnings during maternity leave, including pension.

Add on expected expenses for childcare & cleaner he will be expected to contribute to as you head back to work.

Send him an invoice for 9 months of growing a baby.

What an absolute arsehole.

We usually split the bills based on the % of our income
Right, so if your income was close to zero whilst on mat leave then he will be paying the majority and you won't owe him anything. In fact sounds like he owes you a rebate if you've still been contributing the same as before mat leave.

Assuming he isn't joking, you have married a monster total dickhead OP.

D.I.V.O.R.C.E!

Send him a bill for the 9 month loan of your body to grow a baby!

wtf have I just read. This isn’t a partnership. I’m so angry on your behalf.

What a cunt. Start squirrelling away all your money now so you’ll be ready to leave him as soon as you can.

We usually split the bills based on the % of our income so I pay a bit more than him. I also pay for all the groceries, and have still done whilst I've been on mat leave!

Well that needs to stop.

It works for him, doesn't it, with you subsidising him?

Take absolutely no notice of the so-called debt. When you are back at work, go 50:50 on absolutely everything - food included.

That's if you really want to stay with this complete prick.

...eeek
I think you are confused as your instinct is telling you what a moron and your heart is telling you that you love him and he's the father of your lovely new born baby and he can't possibly be this self-centred.
I think you need to get your ducks in a row incase things started to go topsy turvy.

Fuck that!

@LemonadeShadeParade

How is it even when he doesn't pay his half of the groceries? When he hasn't had to go into his savings during this maternity leave period?

1. You need to check on here that you aren't paying more than is fair normally as you sound like you are being financially abused.

2. You must never let your guard down regarding money again. Don't give up work or sacrifice your career for his.

He's shown you who he is. Believe him.

Well if you owe him for that, he owes you for loss of earnings over the time you were on mat leave - calculate that, I'm sure that will be more than what he thinks you owe him.
No offence, OP, but he sounds like a tight dick.

How ridiculous. If you are staying with him not divorced then I’d email setting out he owe you 50% of childcare for minding his child. You’ve also taken a hit re pension contributions - is he contributing half of that.

Echoing those saying if that's how he wants to play it then it's obviously 50/50 from now on and what a shame that will leave him worse off. What a prick.

Every day I'm staggered by the sheer amount of utter arsehole husbands and partners featured on MN. It's depressing as hell.

This is one of the most shocking things I’ve read. It is financial abuse. There would be no going back for me. There’s nothing worse than a mean disrespectful man.
He’ll be squirrelling money away in savings and pension. Sorry you’re having to listen to this. Please tell us he pulls his weight around the house and with night wakings and weekend care if your baby. I suspect not!

Errr fuck off mate! Your husband has given you a bill? What a twat, bin him off!

This is horrendous! I've had 2 lots of mat leave and dh has covered all shortfalls, bills, shopping etc without even questioning it, and in return I did all night feeds, then once I went back to work, we split childcare costs down the middle and that was it. He needs to realise that you've carried his baby! Also if you're the higher earner, tell him you've calculated how much he owes you for things over the years and bill him back!

He can’t be serious?! Can he? It’s a partnership!
if so, bill him for all you’ve done through pregnancy, childbirth and child care whilst on mat leave.
Did you do the cooking? Add to bill
Housework? Add to bill
And so on
What a cheeky git

Bill him the tens of thousands he'd have had a to pay a surrogate to gestate and give birth to his child for him.

The cheek of it.

Instead of asking if he's joking, it might be worth asking if he would stick the details in an email so you can get straight what he's asking.
A paper trail might be useful.

Personally, I’d graciously accept his workings out. Then I’d start a spreadsheet and calculate the rent due from his child for the time spent in your womb, the additional cost of time lost attending appointments and his share of your lost pay whilst you were on SMP. I’d then offer to offset this against the money you owe him and ask him whether he’ll be settling the difference as a lump sum or with a payment plan.

The state of some men these days - honestly. Don’t get mad, get even.

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I HAVE JUST READ

Here's a starting point for you.. I pay £1067 per month for 5 days a week of nursery, and that's including 20% tax free element.

Multiply that by the number of months you were on maternity leave and bill the bastard. Tell him to deduct his poxy £££ he feels SHORT by and he can pay you the difference.

Then get him to fuck!!

So you pay more of the bills and the food shop. He's had it cushy hasn't he?

You need to revisit that because he's got far too used to an easy ride. I bet you find he still has poor spending habits and he's just hidden them from you.

Keep separate bank accounts.

Amazed he managed to find a wife. As your the higher earner you will be better off going forward. I would calculate childcare and how much you’ve earned with smp. Then I would ask where his offer of you going back to work earlier was as I presume he wasn’t going to stay at home and look after the baby?