Catering for vegans

[PieandPotatoes]

We have friends who come and stay regularly. One is a vegan. They never bring any food with them. It takes me ages to do the food shopping (checking labels for ingredients). We spend loads on oatmilk, vegan cheese/yoghurt etc and we end up cooking two dishes at mealtimes as my husband refuses to eat anything without meat. I think that they should at least bring some vegan food with them. What do you think?

We are a family of dietary issues, predominantly food allergies but also a vegan.
We always bring our own food. And help with any meal planning or finding decent restaurants to take the stress off The host.

Have you asked them to bring some of their own vegan stuff?

Surely you can add meat to an otherwise vegan meal, ie sausage and mash, diff sausages, same mash just add their vegan butter/cheese to their portion.

YABU to be annoyed if you’ve never asked them to provide their own food

Thank you for your reply. I wish our guests would bring something. They've been coming to stay a few times every year now so I'm wondering if it's too late to say anything.

Have some vegan beverage alternatives like tea, coffee, milk and some biscuits.
Also have some soup and bread and vegan spread and breakfast cereal.
Tell guest a detailed list of what you are supplying and request that they bring all other foodstuffs that they will be requiring to eat. Tell them honestly that you are too tired to shop and cook vegan. And that they are welcome to share any non vegan meals with you but you will not be cooking vegan, other than what you have listed, sorry.

If ever you visit her, you will have to be prepared to do similar self catering or eat vegan meals.

It might be that the guest is not fussed with being vegan at all meals, she might be happy to eat what you eat for much of the time..

That's what we do with meals but we are finding it expensive buying vegan food. I'm not sure how to broach the subject now as they have been coming for a few years. The last visit, they didn't eat much of the vegan cheese and hardly touched the yoghurt/oatmilk which was a waste.

I'm vegan and always offer to bring my own food but mostly because I hate the fake meat / cheese that people think vegans eat.

I do all of the cooking here, I tend to make a vegan meal that pairs with meat for meat eaters rather than 2 separate meals E.g. a lentil daal served with grilled chicken seasoned with curry spices or veggie stuffed peppers with non vegan bits added to the others, 2 tray bakes one with meat in, one without but no extra work IYSWIM. Would that make your life easier / be acceptable to your husband.

I would stop with the cheese (not great) and yoghurt as not needed.
ask them to bring their own carton of milk (easy to do)

then with cooking find recipes that you can add meat to - I have a vegan DD and often make one dish which I can then add to - yesterday I made orzo pasta dish which DH had bacon added to, he eats very few actual vegan dishes but most I adapt - Thai curry pasta etc

Do they actually want things like vegan yoghurt and cheese etc? I eat a lot of vegan food at home and never buy these things. Things like daal or stir fry are so cheap and easy to make and then you can always fry a bit of chicken on the side for the meat lovers.

I am vegetarian. I sort my own food wherever I go. Usually omelettes or pasta or a sandwich. If I were vegan I would bring my own cheese and milk.

Can you describe the sort of meals you make for yourselves and fir them?

Stop buying things you think they might eat and start communicating with them about what would be best to get and what they could bring.

Not unreasonable to ask them to give you some advice about what would best suit them, and take some responsbility for sourcing specific items.

How do they get to yours? If they come by public transport, it might not be so easy for them to carry food items. In which case another option would be to take them to the shops with you when they first arrive, and suggest that they buy some stuff to accompay the meals you've already planned to make for the group.

If I came to stay with you,and you'd gone out and bought lots of 'vegan cheese' (that you didn't normally buy/eat yourself), I'd think you were very considerate to have gone and got something specially for me, but also be sad that you'd wasted your money on something I didn't need or want (cos it's so processed).

Thank you - that is good advice. I can send them a list of what I am happy to buy/provide.
They only eat vegan food and they are strict about this - they actually try to lecture us when we are eating meat which we find very annoying.

Then don’t - DD doesn’t touch vegan cheese or yoghurt at all

oat milk actually is really nice and fairly easy to use up but if they don’t use it don’t get it

apart from tofu and soya milk we don’t get any extra vegan stuff - yes I check the pesto or Thai curry paste to buy the vegan version but that isn’t a big deal.

i wonder if they don’t bring those things because they don’t want them

It doesn't sound like you like these people very much! Why are they visiting so often? Do you want to see them??

I think you need to open the conversation. Maybe even just say that you noticed they didn’t eat the cheese and say you struggle to know what to make, can they help with ideas? Maybe easier than saying can you bring stuff, if you don’t want to. We are veggie but have various other milks and I’d bring them.

But if you want to make people feel welcome, you cater for them rather than expect them to fend for themselves, really. My MIL was very scathing of vegetarians when I first met her and would refuse to organise anything, so we would have veg and potatoes or whatever part of the meal was ok. I later realised it’s because she’s a bit insecure that she doesn’t know how to cook veggie food, we help and she’s got a few things in her repertoire. But I did find it very rude - I could tell she thought that if she doesn’t provide anything, then we’d give up and just eat the chicken!

They like the vegan cheese. We joke with them that it's like plastic but they say they like it.
They drive here so could bring something.

I think it's wrong to stay with someone and not contribute to the food, especially as things like oat milk etc are more expensive. Your guests are rude regardless of their dietary requirements.

But catering for vegans doesn't need to be as difficult as you seem to be making it, especially as they stay regularly: you shouldn't need to be reading packets every time, just make a note & buy the same stuff each time.

I agree with PP: make a vegan meal, then add a side of meat. Stick with naturally vegan foods. That's what I do for our regular vegan guest and honestly don't find it that hard. But you could start a thread on the vegan board asking for recipe ideas that can easily be adapted for meat eaters.

You could explain to your guests that you find providing vegan food difficult, please would they help by contributing a meal?

Oh just read the update about lecturing you! That’s not ok. I think you need to address that, uncomfortable as you may feel.

I agree with this approach. Definitely get them to bring their own milk/spread etc. But if the expectation is you cook and you're happy with that make food that is accessible to everyone. Dhal is good, veg chilli is good (can serve it twice once with rice and then with Jacket Potatoes).

I've just noticed your username is PieandPotatoes OP. Most shop bought pastry is vegan, just make a vegetable pie and potatoes and you'll all be happy. Stick a couple of sausages on the side for your husband. Done.

They come a few times a year and don't help? That's bloody annoying.

Surely your husband could just go without meat for a couple of meals? Or do what someone suggested and have meals where it's easy to swap in. Cooking vegan meals doesn't need to be more expensive - it should be cheaper! You could do many different types of veg curry (add some chicken to one if you must, for the carnivore), a mixed bean chilli, sausage & mash, any number of veg-based pasta sauces/dishes.
I'm pretty sure that Ottolenghi's ragu recipe is vegan (or can be made vegan easily), and that's absolutely delicious. It's super easy (all just goes in one tray in the oven) and makes tonnes, so you can freeze it.

Other than a carton of dairy free milk and spread, you shouldn't need to buy anything 'special'.

I say all this as a meat eater!

I think it’s the host’s responsibility to supply for for the people they’re hosting. As PPs have said, you don’t need to buy expensive cheese alternatives- even if they like it, they don’t need it. Aldi and Lidl sell cheap oat milk.

Your problem isn’t catering for vegans it is catering for them

yes they may like vegan cheese but you don’t have to supply.

small amount of milk and then simple adaptions is sufficient

but you have a friend issue