Catering for vegans

[PieandPotatoes]

We have friends who come and stay regularly. One is a vegan. They never bring any food with them. It takes me ages to do the food shopping (checking labels for ingredients). We spend loads on oatmilk, vegan cheese/yoghurt etc and we end up cooking two dishes at mealtimes as my husband refuses to eat anything without meat. I think that they should at least bring some vegan food with them. What do you think?

I'm always careful to provide two options gor vegans.
They can make do or they can fuck off.

TBH if they don’t/won’t contribute to the catering, and have the nerve to lecture you, I’m not sure I’d be inviting them any more!

A BiL of mine was on a strictly vegan and GF diet for quite a while (it was part of his cancer treatment regime) and I found it easy enough to find dishes we’d all enjoy (curried parsnip soup was a big hit with him, ditto an apple cake) but it was only ever for a couple of nights.

Don't buy fake alternatives. If they want these, ask them to bring their own.

Just make naturally vegan food that you can all eat. So dhal and another curry with spinach, potatoes, chick peas, plus rice, naan etc - obviously check the naan for butter or make your own.

Similarly chilli, mezze selection or vegan sausage and mash.

Porridge or toast for breakfast and light meals like beans on toast, soup or baked potatoes. Just about the cheapest way to eat and normal food, nothing unusual.

Your DH can cook himself a steak or whatever if he can't manage a few meals without meat.

YANBU Op, catering for people’s dietary whims is the bane of the modern age (I often have to order catered lunches at work).

Different if it is a real allergy but when you have multiple requirements within one group it does rather suck the joy out of hosting when you just want to cook something nice!

Being lectured by vegans about my eating habits in my own home, especially when I've bent over backwards to provide for them, would infuriate me. It's very rude of them.

If I had time, I'd gen up on all the negatives of a vegan diet (soy takes loads of water to grow, for example) and then, very sweetly, lecture them back.

Otherwise - beans are excellent. I love a bean casserole (any type of beans) and fry off some chorizo or similar sausage for the meat eaters to add at serving. Cheap, too.

Do they ever host you? Do they cater to your preferences when you visit them or is it all about their wishes? That would make the difference for me.

Vegan cheeses and yogurts are so hit and miss, I think it's reasonable to say "if you want yoghurt or cheese, please could you bring your preferred brand with you - we don't want to waste food".

For the rest, cook a vegan meal and throw in some meat at the end.

@Hateam you aren’t wrong there! The absolute worse when you try to accommodate and they have the gall to complain they don’t like it or it’s boring or there isn’t enough choice!

You can buy powdered oat milk. That might work to have in, as you could just make some up if and when they want it?

I wouldn't buy vegan cheese etc, I would view that as a consequence of their choices.

I would be going for meals that are a vegan base with added meat/cheese.

So could do a tomatoey pasta with tomato salsa and then top with mozzarella for non vegans, pine nuts for vegans, add some chicken for anyone who wants meat.

Or a tray bake of vegetables and potatoes with vegan/non-vegan sausages.

Or a 3-bean/bean and mince chilli.

So sort of still two meals, but more one with an adaptation.

In these threads people always suggest "just make a curry" or "just make pasta" as if that's the way everyone cooks.

In our family, due to allergies and a fussy DH whose culture focuses on meat-based dishes, accommodating a vegan means a second meal. If your family doesn't eat nuts or hot spice or gluten... not to mention butter runs through mpst things we tend to cook. I always bring my own stash of things when i a guest in case of need and never expect to be especially catered to.

I would ask them to pick from a list of things you're willing to purchase to reduce the wastage and also make a sharp comment to put a stop to any lecturing if it occurs.

Lecturing you on your food habits is very rude.

Just cook something veggie that you can all eat and they don’t have to have the sides. So a nice veggie chilli with wheat wraps and salsa and guacamole for the vegans and add sour cream and cheese for the non vegans. Get powdered vegan milk for them to have in coffee so it keeps for their next visit. Your husband can cook for himself if he refuses to eat a meat free meal that has been cooked for him.

Suggest takeaway for one night. Do jacket potatoes and salad. They can have beans in theirs. They sound pretty entitled and I say this as a vegan.

Sounds like it’s more that they’re inconsiderate than they’re vegan tbh. I think it’s ok to change it up and make a comment even if they’ve been coming for years. Don’t make an excuse about it just say something like “can’t wait to see you next week, I’m going to be doing bangers and mash one night so bring along your favourite veggie sausages to have”. I’d be tempted for the sundries to message them the day before they leave saying “oops I forgot to get in yoghurts/cheese for you so do pick up anything like that you’ll want for the weekend on your way to us”

FWIW I’m vegan and have a meat-protein-only fussy child and I know we’re a pain to cater for so I always offer to bring stuff (often for me and for her!). And if it’s turned down I at least still show up with wine/snacks etc. one family in particular we stay with a few times a year (it’s easier for them for a few reasons to go there than them come to us) and I’m very aware how much it costs them to host us regularly so I always bring a ton of stuff, regardless of it being vegan and therefore for me specifically. It just think it’s considerate to contribute if you’re being hosted a lot!

They are rude if they're lecturing you about what you eat. A firm "none of your business" might be required. Do you actually like them enough to want them to come and stay?

Re vegan food... there is no need to spend a fortune on fake vegan replacement foods. You can cater very cheaply if you stick to stuff like beans and lentils etc. If they want the weird processed stuff, they can bring it themselves.

I do find it pathetic that your dh can't cope with a few meals without meat though. It might not be his preference but surely he could suck it up occasionally to save on time/cost.

So don't buy it?

It's not too late to say "we're being more careful with what we buy and trying to avoid food waste. If there's anything specific you'd like while you're here could you <let us know or> bring it with you.

Do you also stay with them?
What happens then?

I don't understand omnivores who can't eat a meal without meat. As I bet they do have a cheese and pickle sandwich once in a while, or a Leek and potato soup.

Because most people don't have allergies and do cook like that. It's the people who's diet revolves around meat who are making things difficult.

I'm not vegan or even vegetarian but can go for days without eating meat, will happily eat food that happens to be vegan and often don't even notice the lack of meat. Even when I do cook with meat, it's a small amount in a dish with pulses and vegetables. For example, the other day I made a big (mild) curry that had in potatoes, chick peas, spinach and a couple of chicken thighs.

They are guests - of course you cater to their needs. but why not ask them beforehand what they need? For example, you said you wasted yoghurts and cheese, so why not contact them and say - "should I buy you yoghurt/cheese etc as you're only coming for a few days?" Chances are they'll say no, and bring their own, or not bother

Our family consists of two meat eaters, two vegetarians and one vegan. The vegan is because of a severe lactose intolerance.
I cook things like enchiladas/ fajitas in two pans, one with fake chicken and one with real.
Roast chicken and a quorn joint, all veg the same but just different gravy.
Doesn't take any longer in reality.

It's always possible for single meal but actually 3 days is more than my family would cope with.

First, as the cook... it's just a lot of extra stress to have to learn am entirely new way of cooking and to not be able to rely on the meat stews / soups / roasts with veggies cooked in meat juice / grilled fish / meat based bakes etc that are our staples. We never make curries, chilies etc and dh wouldn't touch lentils with a barge pole and beans give us all funny tummy. We have a nut allergy and gluten allergy in the family.

Then my DH has an occasional (heavily butter-based) vegetarian stew but other than that, he would leave vegetarian dishes untouched and eat processed meat straight from the packet instead. I try to be mindful of making food as healthy as possible for him as I worry for his health. Getting veg into him only happens if soaked in meat or fish juices.

It's really not as simple as you think.

The OP is talking about vegans. Unless it's vegan cheese that cheese and pickle sandwich will have milk in it. If it's from a tin that leek and potato soup will have milk in it

A carton of oat milk isn't going to break the bank, other than that I just wouldn't buy the things they didn't eat last time.

If they are your friend why can't you just tell you them?