Catering for vegans

[PieandPotatoes]

We have friends who come and stay regularly. One is a vegan. They never bring any food with them. It takes me ages to do the food shopping (checking labels for ingredients). We spend loads on oatmilk, vegan cheese/yoghurt etc and we end up cooking two dishes at mealtimes as my husband refuses to eat anything without meat. I think that they should at least bring some vegan food with them. What do you think?

It's the people who's diet revolves around meat who are making things difficult

Totally agree. There's a whole range of amazing meals that are veggie / vegan / gluten free / dairy free etc. The only time it becomes hard is when you have a combination of those things, then it's a pain. If you can't bear to eat one meal without meat in it then you're the difficult one.

Why dont you ask them? My vegan friends always bring a feast. Lovely

You sound nice

I don't eat fake meat either! It's why I dont stay with people any more. 😀 I will visit for one meal and eat any vegetable or bread or lentil available

Unless I was really skint, I would be deeply embarrassed at the idea of hosting people but expecting them to bring their own food. It’s good manners for people to bring something like wine/flowers or maybe even take you out for a meal when they stay, but their bad manners wouldn’t induce bad hosting by me. I would, however, tell them not to lecture me about veganism because again, that’s bad manners.

You don't need to broach anything. Simply send a text to say this is what we are planning for the main meal, could you please bring anything else you may want to eat.
Also your husband is "refusing" to eat anything without meat in it? Has he never had hummus? Ice cream? Onion bhaji? Cauliflower cheese? Of course not. He is refusing to eat something labelled "vegan". So don't label it. Say you are making a vegetable curry, or whatever.

I vote YABU. I wouldn’t dream of asking friends to bring their own food- part of being the host is that you cater for your guests based on their requirements. If you don’t want to do that, don’t invite them. (I’d be more annoyed by a guest turning up with their own food- to me that seems very odd.)

It’s not hard to cook for vegans without buying weird processed stuff. Vegetables and pulses are cheap and good for you. Your husband being unable to cope without meat for two days is a bit odd.

None of this is to say you have to do it. You could just not invite them. But if you invite them, you should be willing to cater for them properly.

If I had time, I'd gen up on all the negatives of a vegan diet (soy takes loads of water to grow, for example) and then, very sweetly, lecture them
And they would probably be able to tell you how much water it takes to make the jeans you are wearing (one example of many)
Friendship shouldn't be about being twatty to each other.
Clearly op isn't that much into the friendship .
Husband sounds very olf fashion with his implied "meat & two veg" only diet
Talk to your friends, not about them .

I'm not suggesting those meals are vegan. I'm talking about omnivores who make a song and dance about a vegetarian or vegan meal.

Hi friends. When you come down please bring all the vegan versions of your usual food with you... milk, cheese, protein. Happy to get our usual veggies in but not got time to source all vegan varieties of meals. Also please bring a couple of your usual lunch and dinner meals with you.. frozen fine. Me and hubby got limited time to fart about shopping and cooking your food do the research. Thanks. If you see us as a free vegan cafe again this year you will be sorely disappointed and may end up eating dairy and other animal products.

They only eat vegan food and they are strict about this - they actually try to lecture us when we are eating meat which we find very annoying.

That is out of order to lecture you on what you are eating. For context I don't eat meat. I may not be as strict as your vegan friends but even so I would never ever lecture other people on what they eat. It's my choice to refrain from eating meat. Gosh I'm afraid your friends make my blood boil

I know but the point I'm making is that things that people might think are vegan are often not. I'm dairy intolerant so i have to read all the labels. You would be surprised where milk gets!

Again, you're disagreeing with something I didn't say.

It's a Jimmy Carr joke.

I would find out in advance what they would eat and plan food to meet their dietary requirements. As I would for those with medical or religious requirements.

Jimmy carr is as funny as dysentery .

I have been a vegetarian for over 40 years now. They shouldn't be relying on you to supply all their food at all.

If they didn't eat what you provided last time, then this time just don't buy the cheese and the milk and the extras.

In fact I'd probably say 'You are more than welcome to stay but to be honest, last time I bought a load of stuff that you didn't eat so it is best if you bring whatever food you want and I'll make plain vegan sauces, we will add our extras and you can add yours - that way we all get what we want. I'll do a curry on X day, and a pasta sauce on Y day and outside of that, we will have our usual cereals/breads for breakfasts and lunches etc'.

Depends on how many you cater for at family events but we would often end up doing two pans of whatever we are making so just as easy to do one meat based and one vegan.
Vegan cheese is awful but slowly improving and fake meat is pretty bad and over processed.
The one thing I would do is ask if they wanted milk with tea or coffee could they bring some as there as so many non dairy "milks" - soya, almond, oat etc, and everyone has their own favourite.

Just stop inviting them to stay, you don't sound as though you even like them.

Vegetarian here in a house of meat eaters. It's super easy to cater for both with small tweaks.
Have 2 pans on the go next to each other for spaghetti bolognaise, chilli, curry, stir fry etc. Just put the meat in one and red lentils in the other and most of the other ingredients are naturally vegan.
Jacket potato with their chilli or baked beans.
Sausage & mash, just whack a few Richmond vegan sausages under the grill.
Roast dinner, Plant pioneers have 2 small nut roasts with a gravy pouch and are cheap.
I honestly think my food is way cheaper than all the meat in my fridge. Don't bother with fake meat & expensive cheeses etc & tell them to bring their prefered milk.

As an omnivore I don’t find catering for vegetarian and vegan guests too onerous, but that is probably down to the type of meals I normally cook. They are easy to adapt to a pure vegetable base with non vegetarian/vegan served separately if necessary. I do the same for our Muslim relatives. I don’t do fake meat.

I don’t expect anyone to bring their own food but they often do. I wouldn’t tolerate any discussion on the pros and cons of meat eating at the table. Luckily, it’s never happened.

I have dietary issues and would much rather bring (some) of my own food. I would if I was staying at someone's house as my diet is so specific it would be too much for a host.
I don't think it's too much to buy some vegan cheese or oat milk though - and assume you have vegetables, pulses, fruit, bread (vegan).

Do they even like oat milk? I can't stand it, makes my tea taste like porridge!
Far too expensive as well. I buy cheap "Soya milk no sugars" from Aldi which is bland tasting and cooks the best in sauces. Buy a block of Stork which you can use in baking when they've gone.
I don't eat meat fish or eggs, but eat butter and cheese. My daughter is a strict vegan. No wool in clothes, no honey in food etc. So have to adapt when she visits.

You could cook what you might consider a side dish and a vegan would find it acceptable. Cauliflower cheese for example. The cheese sauce being made with Stork, soya milk and Engevita nutritional yeast flakes, which taste like cheese.

I cook a vegan version of aubergine parmigiana, stuffed peppers, lasagne etc.
A Delia Smith recipe for fried halloumi and dressing, substituting cheese with Tofu, which makes a great starter. Curry, leaving out meat for theirs and adding chickpeas. None of those are expensive and all cook ahead.

I think your friends sound tight as well as selfish.
Selfish as vegan cooking has to be learned. I'd call myself a keen cook but plant based spreads and milk act differently in cooking for instance.
Tight, unless they bring you goodies and take you out for a meal or even a case of wine.
As they're close enough friends to stay regularly, I'd ask them straight, "Please bring your own Vegan food as I find it too much to cope with along with cooking our meals."

I can see both sides here. Yes they should bring their own food with them. I went to a party on Sunday and ate nothing and happily brought my own oat milk.

But equally I think you can meet in the middle and cater for your guests easily enough. Vegan food is cheaper than meat so I don't understand that argument. My husband eats meat and I'm a vegan - it's really, really easy to make meals for us both. Tonight is jacket potato night, he's having chilli con carne and I'm having falafel. We often do sausage and mash with meat and vegan sausages. Pie night - vegan pie and meat. Stir fry his with chicken and mine chickpeas. Pizza night. A thousand other examples. If it was expensive or hard trust me I wouldn't be doing it every night! A few days is nothing.

YABU I wouldn't expect them to bring anything apart from what a guest would usually bring.
You didn't have to invite them if you didn't want to cater for a vegan.
Your DH is also being unreasonable to refuse to eat any vegan food at all! What does he think would happen to him if he ate a vegan curry or chilli?!

Again this relies heavily on a certain style of cooking which is fine, just far from universal. Try adapting goulash , boeuf bourguignon or beef milanese to a vegan version... you probably don't like goulash and we don't like chilies or curry, so it's fine. DH wouldn't touch falafel.