Catering for vegans

[PieandPotatoes]

We have friends who come and stay regularly. One is a vegan. They never bring any food with them. It takes me ages to do the food shopping (checking labels for ingredients). We spend loads on oatmilk, vegan cheese/yoghurt etc and we end up cooking two dishes at mealtimes as my husband refuses to eat anything without meat. I think that they should at least bring some vegan food with them. What do you think?

They invite themselves. We used to invite them but now they ask when would be a good weekend for them to come and stay.
I know I put too much pressure on myself to provide decent vegan food. I think I need to just scale it back and stop stressing about it so much.

Why don't you make a few of the meals vegan for everyone to eat and the rest can be meat adapted?
I'm not sure why you are finding vegan meals expensive. Loads of meals that everyone could eat and may save you money.

www.bbc.co.uk/food/collections/cheap_and_cheerful_vegan_dinners

@PiggyPigalle Agreed . Or when ppl make a faux effort just to placate you in a passive aggressive way. In my case a "friend" of a friend will purposefully either make a meal and state all the vegetable which are vegan whilst thinking she hilarious, or make it none vegan and tell them afterwards, sometime pretends not to have read labels or will say it tastes better because "I added butter to it" or uses quorn which is not vegan unless stated
Some people seem weirdly offended by vegans

Because I have been at work.

I'd send a message saying something like

Hi - catering wise I'll make baked potatoes one night was thinking vegan cheese and baked beans - is that ok
Also sausage and mash, will do you vegan sausages.

I'll pick up some milk (which do you like) and cheese, if you need anything else can you kindly bring with you

That you're not a confident cook makes all the difference. How can you stand them keep coming? Make a bean casserole then and some jackets, seriously that would be fine.
Sounds like they only need to budget for six months of groceries, being as they are at yours so often. Time they took you out for a meal.

@PieandPotatoes
They invite themselves. We used to invite them but now they ask when would be a good weekend for them to come and stay
If you don't want them to come and stay with you, why on earth have you not told them it's not suitable for you, you've made plans etc

@Commonsense22 sounds like you have a very restricted diet in your household. Which is fine if it works for you but most people do eat more widely than endless meat stews.

Surely it’s never too late to say ‘I’ve struggled previously to cater for a vegan diet. Can you make suggestions on how to make it easier / cheaper / lass wasteful. Thanks’. And see what they suggest

What food to you make outside of them visiting? Most of the things I make are vegan versions of what I made before (so cauliflower parm rather than chicken/ curries etc) so well within my comfort zone

also with ingredients dairy and eggs need to be in bold for allergen so anything I check I just scan for bold

but I do think you have a friend issue not bringing cheese or milk is bad form

Do you enjoy seeing them?

I think it's rude to ask people to bring their own food - I have various friends with allergies or picky eating issues and I will happily cater to them all but that's because they are my friends and I enjoy having them to stay.

If you don't want them to stay - clearly the answer is just to say no.

If you want to see them but just find the food side stressful - could you go out for some meals?

I also would just stop buying anything you don't consume in your household, keep it simple.

I think it makes sense to ask them to bring their own milk coz everybody likes something different and its not something you will use when they go.
But if they visit often surely it isnt difficult to just keep some sausages or burgers in the freezer?

This is what my parents do. Ive been vegan for over 7yrs and although I eat mainly wholefoods Im more then happy for them to do me a couple of sausages with whatever potato and veg sides they are having.
In fact last time my mum got carried away and cooked the whole packet of sausages leading to me taking the rest home on the train so I got sausage sandwiches for supper that night!😁

Perhaps rethink the meals you are doing, I tend to opt for the kind of meals that are accidentally vegan then serve meat as an additional dish when my brother comes, alternatively I serve a few curries of which most are accidentally vegan (just happen to be) rather than specific vegan food.

Last time he came I cooked a mushroom curry, a cauliflower and coconut curry, coconut dal, tandoori chicken pieces and a lamb and spinach curry plus rice and chapattis (was for 9 people), everything apart from the 2 meat dishes were vegan but everyone ate them (except the fussy meat eater who doesn't like dal).

A big vegetable tagine with roast lamb and couscous is another great option

Let them know in advance that you'll just be preparing your normal food when they visit this time, which won't all be vegan, so they should probably bring along the specific foods they want to eat. Tell them how much fridge/freezer/shelf space they can have and that they'll be able to use the cooker etc as needed.

It's really not.

I don't buy anything in for him substitute wise as bread is vegan, baked beans are vegan, (that's breakfast taken care of) and he'll happily eat stir fries with whatever veg i have going limp in the veggie tray in the fridge etc.

Apart from making sure i have baked beans in i don't do processed foods really so I do know what goes into everything. I actually make my own baked beans too but I get canned for convenience

Yeah the issue here is these people and I'd have stopped inviting them long ago. Super rude!

But there's no reason to cater that specifically to them. My parents and brother are vegetarian and we aren't so we do things that work for everyone - pasta for all with a side of chicken or meatballs or whatever for us. BBQ often so we have a mix of stuff.

No one is allowed to tell you what you can eat in your own home lol. But your husband could also embrace the new food a bit too.

I have a serious shellfish allergy so I always ask if people are serving shellfish and bring my own stuff if needed. We accommodate our friends in lots of ways (nut allergies, veggies, etc) but they accommodate us too

If you feel this friendship is worth maintaining (can't see why!) next time I'd just say 'we are making xyz for dinner, bring whatever you'll want for breakfast and lunch. We'd love to try some of your favourite meals as we are still learning how to make vegan food.

Vegan food can be perfectly delicious, particularly the kind that's just automatically vegan instead of fake stuff. Things with lentils, lots of Indian dishes, etc.

I actually posted a long list upthread of dishes we eat but none of them are curries, chilies, pasta or stir fries. There are more dishes I the world. We do eat stews every week once or twice.

For instance I was wondering how to adapt a roast. I would normally par boil veg then finish off around the meat in juice. Or for roasties, slather in butter. sometimes I make a mushroon in cream sauce.
Presumably honey roasting is out so how to make them interesting?

Then many have said "just roast a cauliflower " but I don't know, I must be missing the magic touch because when I try it's just bone dry.

How to adapt a grilled fish dish? My track record with grilled vegetables is no better than with roasted cauliflower. It seems so boring alone?

I do like a good homemade vegetable soup occasionally and get DH something else but that's not a main meal.

The truth is vegans don't normally eat plain boiled vegetables. They douse everything in chili or curry to give taste. This is an entirely different cooking style to ours.

Do you stay with them? Is there a reason why you don’t or why they can’t host? I think if they do always come to you/ ask to come to you then there is an imbalance in the relationship which needs fixing- regardless of dietary requirements. I’d say that things need to be roughly even - eg take it in turns to host and cook for weekends/ meals unless there is a good reason why one party can’t (eg no spare beds, inflexible work hours for travel etc) but if that’s the case then the party who never hosts need to look at ways to even the burden on the host (eg take you out for dinner, help with chores etc).

At 12:01 in this thread, in response to someone asking you whether you eat anything other than stew, you said Yes we do? It's common for DH's family and I like them.
They nearly all use slow-cooked meat as the base

It is a pretty restricted diet if every meal is centered around eat and even pasta is considered exotic to you.

It's fine if that's what you like, but it is restricted

Buy a carton of oat milk and leave it at that. Stop doing things you don’t want to do.

Your husband sounds like a big baby though! “Wont eat meals without meat”. Utterly pathetic. Has he never had beans on toast then or a bowl of lentil soup then? Does he refuse to to eat it without a few shavings of bacon?! What does he think will
happen to him without meat in every single meal?

"they actually try to lecture us when we are eating meat which we find very annoying."

No way would they be back in my house, never. How dare they question your habits once in, when they already knew you ate meat.

It doesn't really happen now, but back in the day when vegetarians were rare it did. Questioning whether it was due to religious reasons, why was I wearing leather shoes, carrots scream when cut and so on.

I'd never be dragged into the discussion, but I've never been evangelical either. I'm more concerned with how animals are treated when alive, than dead.

You do you, I'll do me and if you don't like it, clear off home! Is what I'd tell them.

Your DH is being a knob for insisting on meat in every meal

They sound really rude. Next time they ask, say you are too busy. Or fine, as long as they bring their own food.

Stop being a doormat.

Did you post about them recently? Are these the people who used to bring drinks and things but now come empty handed?

Honestly just tell them you'd love to see them but they'll need to book in a hotel and you'll meet them for dinner one evening. And don't pay for their meals!