Apparently I'm beautiful NOW

[BlueSilverCats]

I have very slowly been losing weight. Mum has been making comments but I mostly downplayed it, not looking for compliments or mentioning it or anything.

Today she told me I'm actually beautiful now. Jeese... thanks mum. Only took 30 something years.

Every time she moaned at me for being fat it was always followed by "of course it's mainly about health". No , it's not. At least not to her.

I had to get to the point where what my mum said no longer mattered. It helped that I started saying things like "I am not looking for your approval". She never stopped, but it helped me distance myself emotionally from all that crap. I hope you get some space between you. Well done for losing weight and feeling good, however you look.

This. MN and elsewhere is full of it.

Jesus H. Christ, PLEASE stop making these idiotic generalisations about Boomers or any other generation! How do you even know the OP's mum IS a Boomer?! Millions and millions of people do not have the same bloody opinions about everything.

Yes it is.

I've always been a healthy weight because I was conscious of health and looks. I get 'It's alright for you being skinny' (since when is 11st skinny at 5'6").

I have tried not to become unhealthy - It's not a given Freeby!

Your worth and beauty are not linked to your weight. It's taken me until my 40s to get this straight in my head. I'm overweight but I feel attractive and my weight is no-one's business but my own. My mum ( a boomer) was forever on diets and she passed it on to me - I've finally broken free of diets in my 40s!

Absolutely the same for me with the added kick in the teeth I am also getting it from the husband, who apart from being fit as a butcher's dog doesn't show any pride in his appearance at all. I remember why I put it all back on again last time I lost it now. Because they both made me feel so angry that all they cared about was appearances. Considering whatever size I have been I have always been immaculately presented, the irony of it would be funny if it didn't hurt so much.

Mine looked at me once and said 'you used to be pretty' 🤣. I've had short hair (bob) which was 'too hard' and longer hair which was 'ageing.' Went up a dress size since the pandemic and being early 40s, but from a size 8 to a 10 so hardly enormous and was asked 'what are you now, a 16?' You learn to internally eye roll but some of them sting. Solidarity OP.

The so called boomer generation has a difference of almost 20 yrs between the oldest & youngest. They grew up in totally different times although granted the model Twiggy was the body type desired in the 60s

No I don't, and none of my peers do either. I take your point about just going along with making fun of people, but this is always more serious stuff - being blamed for current problems - which doesn't apply to younger generations. I probably need to just step away.

Indeed! And the baby boomers grew up and parented in a time of massive change. They would have brought up their children in a food environment that NEVER existed when they were growing up or at any time before. Ready meals, ultra-processed foods, snacks, low-fat, low calorie, sweeteners, turkey twizzlers, sunny delight and so on!! The inevitable product of this was childhood obesity which was and still is bewildering. No one saw it then for what it was and perhaps some of that evolved into shame and blame for the children who became overweight and obese. It’s a completely different world now. But all of that lack of knowledge and awareness was internalised whilst the food industry did (and still does) whatever they like.

'You look so much better now you've lost weight'
'Really? You'd look so much better standing over there 👉'

I've been slim all my life but have still had endless comments and putdowns, so I think we just can't win with some people! My mum once told me that when my husband tells me I'm beautiful it must be hard for me because I'm not. But she supposed I must have "something" about me to have attracted men...🤪

'But you look so much better when you're thinner'.
I think the toxic fat is evil messaging ran too deep for some of our mums to even break it for their daughters.

In fairness the attitude of adults in the 40s & 50s was the same. Film star figures with tiny waists like Marilyn Monroe was all the rage.

People had to cook back then where as today you can buy ten pizzas for £10 in Iceland. People today are lazy because there is so much processed shit you can buy you don't need to cook from scratch. Takeaways are everywhere in towns and cities where as back in the day there weren't so many a local fish and chips shop and that was it. I heard the only place you could buy beer from to take home was when your local pub opened up.

Urgh my mum is similar. I've been up and down with my weight all my life and she always makes comments when I'm smaller about how much better I look and 'not to put it all on again'. I had my appendix out when I was 10 and she made a comment about 'maybe they could cut some fat out whilst they are operating'

A clumsy delivery from your mum, but I doubt she meant it with malice. People do look better at a healthy weight.

We have a really overweight friend in our group and I’ve often heard others comment ‘she’d be so pretty if she were slim.’

Your mother clearly has a really unhealthy attitude towards weight and appearance.

What she and your father said to you are incredibly nasty things to say to a 14 year old child and your father either shares her views or is just enabling her.

I'm in the baby boomer age group, as are some of my friends, and I know no one who would have said such things to their child, or anyone else for that matter.

What she's saying to you now about being beautiful is, obviously, all part of the same pattern, and, whilst my generation grew up with different views on a lot of things, from subsequent generations, as is normal, her nastiness around your weight and appearance is very much her own take on things.

I'm really confused by this thread. You've lost weight and you look beautiful now. Is that not good? Being overweight often hides facial contours etc.

I'm sorry but I really don't understand the upset on this thread.

And the baby boomers grew up and parented in a time of massive change. They would have brought up their children in a food environment that NEVER existed when they were growing up or at any time before

Reading "they would have brought up their children"....makes me feel really uncomfortable. You are generalising about a massive cohort of people.

The OP has had weight issues and the mother has not been helpful or kind. Dwelling on it at all has become a sticking point. I can't believe I am actually having to explain this? But perhaps you didn't read the whole thread...all 3 pages of it. 😛

My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years. My parents never once said anything negative or judgemental. My FIL on the other hand is obsessed with people's weight. It's the single most important thing to him. In his eyes, the worst thing anyone can be is fat. He has a friend who turned out to be a peeping tom and was accused of rape. He's still friendly with him. If he got fat he'd despise him. He despises himself because he put half a stone on after he retired. So he now restricts everything, won't eat anything he considers "fattening", he has the dullest diet you can imagine. He's 75. I shan't give a shit by the time I get to that age.