Apparently I'm beautiful NOW

[BlueSilverCats]

I have very slowly been losing weight. Mum has been making comments but I mostly downplayed it, not looking for compliments or mentioning it or anything.

Today she told me I'm actually beautiful now. Jeese... thanks mum. Only took 30 something years.

Every time she moaned at me for being fat it was always followed by "of course it's mainly about health". No , it's not. At least not to her.

Arguably and let’s face it, proven, people do find other people more attractive/beautiful or beautiful if they are a healthy weight. I’m not sure your mother’s comment was on your value. Simply your appearance. I personally don’t link beauty with value as others are posting. That she was commenting on your value. I don’t see that. At all. I can seperate physical attractiveness and value and I certainly don’t value people based on their appearance.

however I don’t think she should have said it. But I do accept that the majority of people think others, and themselves , look better at a healthy weight and not over or under weight.

I didn’t say all.

You do know that a whole generation of people have differing views.

Telling people they're fat is sure to help them lose weight isn't it? Let's stop the obesity epidemic right now. Listen up fatties!

OP, I gained weight due to a medical condition and the worst critics were DP and DH, Mum would constantly make comments despite being about four sizes bigger than me. My MIL was frequently snide

I then lost a lot of weight quickly due to an illness and everyone thought it amazing while I jumped at thought fuck me, surely people don't actually think sudden weight loss was ok

It did alter my perspective on size and how people perceived me. Though I've never been told anything positive by my Mum, she still gets digs in

I actually cried this weekend when someone told me I had beautiful skin and was very complementary about my looks and age, as I've never thought of myself as anything like that .

Luckily OH thinks I'm fab

The Baby Boomer generation is from 1946–1964, so yes, her mother is likely to be part of this generation. I am 39, my mum was born in 1956, she has me at 28yrs old – so you’ve got 10yrs flex in that for OP.

How rude! I can't imagine why someone would feel the need to insult their daughters size or appearance.
Congratulations on your weight loss. Just ignore your mum. She may have ED, low self esteem or something if she's that obsessed with weight.

I had lots of dental work about a year ago. Nobody noticed, which is fine. But this one lady I know went up to me and went 'your teeth are lovely, show me them' then followed swiftly by 'yeah, you used to have horrible teeth'

So at least they noticed the fucking difference! 🤣🤣

They do. But certain views are far more likely to be wider spread and more popular due to a whole host of cultural influences that took precedent during the formative years of each generation.

Social science is a thing.

This. ^ It's a bit shit, but it's the way many people are. I have lost 2 and a half stone in the past 6-7 months, and I have lost count of the amount of people who have said I look soooo much better, healthier, younger, and prettier. And also how much better my clothes look on me now. I get more attention and politeness from men too now I have a slimmer figure.

Fact is though, it's true. I look way better. And I feel it. I dress in nice clothes now, instead of over sized baggy ones because I hate my body/being fat. I make more effort with my hair and make up, and yes I do look younger.

I have experienced the kind of thing the OP is experiencing though. Certain family members commenting on my weight, and having to have a pop at me when I got a bit fatter. I even had some people having a go when I was only 9 stone, and rose to 10 stone.

I agree. It’s really not health related at all as there are many ‘skinny’ boomer women who don’t know how to exercise or be physically strong. There are many ways to be unhealthy. Being fat is just one of them. My mum is really happy that she lost weight and goes on about how disgusting she was for years and how miserable it made her. I’ve put on same weight after kids (around a size 14) and she’s mentioned a few times about this. I want to be healthier and have plans to get back to the gym when my youngest finally hits nursery. I’ve done it before so I’m not worried. However I refuse to be ‘miserable’ because of my weight. My mum was only ever a 14 max. Fucking depressing to be the miserable because you’re not skinny for a few years. I refuse to limit my life like that, especially now I have a daughter of my own.

edit: I’m very happy she’s lost weight! I just don’t think I need to be really unhappy with myself whilst im not the same.

I’m so sorry, it’s really awful that people feel they can treat you that way. I’ve lost about 40lbs so far, another 35 to lose (gained a lot of weight very quickly due to trying to cope with a horrific situation), and it’s honestly shocking how much better people treat me now. I am exactly the same person, I’m just clearly worth more to some now that they see me as being a ‘good girl and losing weight’. It’s sickening really.

There's gentle and there's telling my dad to tell me (I was about 14) how unattractive he finds fat women and little anecdotes about them trying to date him and him running away from them. That’s just fucked up and gross.

It was always about looks and clothes and attractiveness when I was growing up. It only changed to "health" when I got older, settled , had a family etc.

I didn't mind being called a baby boomer but hate being called a boomer - it's always followed by an insult of some sort. The contempt for my entire generation feels horrible.

They aren't blaming them, they are doing the opposite. There were ingrained ideas of worth attached to appearance, when it came to women. Fat was a moral failing. It's difficult to change the messages that you got growing up and as a young woman. There's similar attitudes towards men not being able to help themselves and victim blaming, around domestic violence, housework/gender roles etc. It better explains were their thought process stems from, rather than them being nasty and uncaring.

JFC

I'd say that's very telling.

I mean I’m a millennial and I can take the mick we get taken out of us. It’s not all of us for everything anyway, it’s a generalisation. Do you fit this particular stereotype?

Another thing is the constant commenting on ‘oh you’ve lost weight!’ As if it’s a positive thing.

Would you be more upset if they were obese than if they were underweight from anorexia?

Also congrats on your hard work!

I'm also childish enough that my first thought was "well, now I don't want to do it anymore " because it makes her happy. It's also another reason why I kept it quiet and low key. I knew she'd make a fuss , and tbh I have bigger accomplishments than this.

I won't of course, but fuck me , I obviously have issues.

I think it's true that people often look their most attractive in the healthy weight range, but that doesn't mean that they looked unattractive when they weren't! Some large women are very beautiful - Dawn French for instance was stunning.

Exactly. And it’s not stereotyping or insulting to link the cultural ideas of the times to how it affected people growing up during that time. Health messages, media portrayals, beauty standards, education, attitudes to sexism etc. It’s all extremely formative to how we understand the world.

But they got 8t from the generation before. They didn’t invent it. And fat is still seen as a moral failing. Let’s not pretend otherwise.

amd to stereotype a whole generation is simply ludicrous. A 78 year old and a 60 year old can have very different views. Even two people the same age.

If people have lost weight for health reasons then surely it is a positive thing.