Growing up, mum was pretty big (size 18-20). But that never stopped her commenting on everyone’s bodies. I was about 7 and we drove by a park and my friends were playing. One of my friends had a little puppy fat, but was still super tiny, and my mum went on for years and years about that friend being a ‘blimp’, and would only ever refer to her as ‘blimp’.
Mum had a friend who lived across the road. Her friend had a little girl, about age 2. This little girl was always on the heavier side. My mum was horrendous about her behind her back and would only ever refer to her as blobby, or the blob. I was about 7 years old and even I understood how awful this was. Mum still called her blobby 30 years later.
Dad was just as bad. Mum had a tummy, he would shake it in bed with his hand and say things like “wibbly wobbly world”. This was from when I was about 2.
Dad also called me thunder thighs when I was in high school. I was literally age 14 wearing age 9-10 clothes, but muscular from running, swimming, hockey and gymnastics. I started skipping meals at school and home and lost almost 2 stone that I couldn’t afford to lose. Then all of a sudden there was mock concern about being to thin, but he and mom would describe me to others as being “soooo petite because she’s a gymnast” like it was a good thing.
Dad also always commenting on women on TV. Gross.
Mum also commenting on women on TV and in public. Not a single woman could walk past without mum giving a running commentary on her flaws with her body.
My mum also had some colleagues who were also very verbal about bodies and weight. They’d tell her things like “your daughter is so good looking just don’t let her get fat”… I even had colleagues my parent’s age who were obsessed with discussing bodies and talking negatively about people’s bodies behind their backs.
The magazines produced in the 90’s about body flaws were disgusting. Mum would buy them sometimes so her and her friends could shame the people in them, while sat there drinking tea and eating biscuits.
Being attractive was 100% linked to worth, especially as a woman. Mum didn’t care if I got A’s at school, she was more interested in how many cat calls I got while she walked me to school. She’d revel in telling all her friends and colleagues how she can’t take me anywhere. She loved it when her male supervisors in their 49’s-60’s, would tell her that her daughter (age 13-15) is gorgeous/sexy. I remember a holiday to Egypt where men were fawning over me and I felt so uncomfortable and unsafe; she was more interested in getting postcards to send home to her friends so she could write to them about how attractive they were all finding me. She honestly seemed to think she’d made it in life because she created something that pleased the male gaze.
And it wasn’t just the “boomer” generation. My own granddad said to me hours after giving birth, that I’ve put on weight!!! So I fully understand why my parents and many people their age were like this, it’s because they’re a product of society at the time.
It is also very difficult to shake off the upbringing and ensure it doesn’t spill over into my daughter’s generation. Because those ingrained, internalised perspectives can so easily become you, if you let them.