Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

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Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

And then watch your relationship die a little bit.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I love all of your names. I would take all of the emotion out of it and perhaps -

Both prepare a list of the 10 names and then each pick your favourite 5 from the others list then put them together as a list. Take a few days to do this.

Then add another 10 using a similar/sibling name searches and then do the same again.

We did this for both and for all some of his names were comedy I did warm to some of them.

Our first (girl) is a name very similar to your list which we had both gone off a bit but doing the above refreshed it for us.

Our boy we compromised a long name on the birth certificate and shortened name to be used day to day. Not dissimilar to your girls names.

Both really happy with both names now.

The trick is to get him actually thinking about it and getting used to the names (even ones he doesn’t like now).

It’s funny as I am now quite fond of some of the girls names that he suggested that I really wouldn’t have considered using at first. But the consideration itself does warm you up to a name.

We’re not having a baby any time soon, but have had hypothetical chats about what we’d call our children. I have two girls names that I love, and have always loved and imagined myself giving any future daughter one of these names, and my boyfriend has shot them right down and said absolutely no way, so it’s not only your man that does this, if it makes you feel any better!

Mate, the kid is coming out of your vag. You choose the name. His opinion is irrelevant.

I had a similar problem with our DS (now 3 weeks old) - I only had one boy name which felt "right", obviously DH hated it. Just could not find a name we both liked, despite us both liking the same style of name (nature-types). I scoured the web for inspiration and found an Instagram page with names that matched our style. He loved one in particular which I liked, and that's what we went with. The name I wanted to use and the name DH really wanted are his middle names. I was sad not to use the name I really wanted but now he's here, his name fits! Keep looking for inspiration but your DH needs to be open to suggestions and get involved in the name hunt. Good luck!

We just put a whiteboard on the fridge - husband took left side and I took right side. We added names that we each liked and then if there were any the other hated, they rubbed them off of the list. Left us with a list of names we both liked and was minimum effort.

That's another reason to avoid them really. My DD was in a class with three girls named Stephanie because that was popular at the time. Ophelia has particularly bad associations think Hamlet. Margot to me will always be Margot in the Good Life, who I loved in the part...

Your DH should definitely give you some alternatives that he likes, not just knocking down names you like, but you are perhaps out of his comfort zone with your choices. I guess he would be likely to suggest some more ordinary names.

Are there any family names you might agree on at least for a middle name and as a fall back if your DD finds the name you choose a bit difficult to live with day to day. Would you really have liked to be called Octavia?

Some really rude, outright strange responses here. None of the names on your list are awful or weird.

Would something like Clara appeal to him, to you?

There is an app called Kinder, it's a bit like Tinder but for baby names. You and your partner set up the app on your phones and swipe yes or no to names you like and it will tell you names you both like. Have you tried that? Sorry if it's been previously suggested.

I like the names and in your position I’d say pretty snappily excuse me what’s your contribution so far apart from sniping from the rooftop? You aren’t growing this baby, you haven’t had a single name idea yourself and I’m too angry and tired to keep putting effort into finding something that makes you happy - how about you put a fraction of that effort in yourself and do some thinking of your own. Until you’ve actually made some effort baby is Ottilie Margot, since I’m the only one trying here I’m the only one naming baby.

I don’t mind most of those names but love Ophelia, it’s not poncy at all. Far better a traditional name than something ridiculous and made up, or a ‘unique’ spelling, or the trend round here of having ‘-Rae’ at the end of all the girls names. My Dds both have older names that hover around the lower end of the top 100 and they’re both common enough that the names are recognised and spelt/pronounced easily but they’re also the only ones with that name in their class.

DH liked what I thought were quite chavvy names and ruled out names I loved (still annoyed I never got to use Beatrice). We used the kinder app to find names, it’s like tinder but for baby names. You link your accounts, swipe right on names you like and shows you a list of names you have a match on. We used it for all 3 DCs names in the end.

He needs to bring some suggestions otherwise he can't have an opinion on yours. Give him a deadline to meet and discuss your top 10. Then see if you can find some middle ground with them.

We didn't name any of our children until a few days after they were here. But we did have a (long) shortlist. Starting from scratch once baby was here and I was recovering from a long induction and emergency c section with a tongue-tied baby that couldn't feed would have been absolutely ridiculous and I swear they would have been called Gorgonzola Nefertiti or something.

We got a book of names and separately each went through deleting any we couldn't stand. We were only left with 1 for a girl and 2 for a boy! Btw I liked Ophelia too DH didn't.

Well he definitely needs to think of his own ideas

we really struggled to agree but at least my dh wasn’t an arse about it

in the end we both drew up a shortlist of five and ranked them 5-1 (5 being our favourite). We then looked at the other’s list and ranked them similarly. The name with the highest score “won”. No regrets at all.

I’d be done suggesting names he might like until he put some effort into. Women aren’t all things baby related service machines. If he wants a name you both like he can bloody well try to think of it.

I agree with you that he needs to be coming up with some alternatives, but the reason he's reacting like that is that all of your names are of a very similar type, so he's unlikely to like any of them, because he clearly thinks they're all a bit pretentious (which they are)

I don't know if it's already been suggested but we got an app called "kinder" it's basically tinder for baby names 😂you link your accounts together and swipe one way for any names you really like and the other way for the ones you don't like. It then gives you a list of names you both like. It goes through tons of names too, this is how we got our short list

I'm sorry OP, all of the names are really not good at all. Otter (Ottie) is horrible, Tilly (Till? Matilda?) is horrible. Octavia and Ophelia are only good if your husband is Jacob Reece-Mogg. Margot is ok for an old cabaret singer.

I understand you would like him to moderate his reaction but this is his child, too so I can understand him not wanting it to have an awful ugly weird name. Sorry!

Why would anyone’s blood boil over a child’s name? 🙄

Ottilie isn’t very faddy, I thought about it over a decade ago for my eldest and knew some.

I would leave it a few weeks then suggest you each write down five names you like. This will give you an idea of his preferences.

You can then compare, fingers crossed there might be some shared preferences. If not it might make it easier for alternate suggestions if you know what each other likes.
If you can not agree, veto three on each list and consider /discuss the remaining four names.

I can understand why you’re annoyed at his behaviour. He should be receiving your suggestions more sensitively and making suggestions of his own to throw into the mix. Suggest you both write a list of names you like and go through them in a week (of something).

There's an app that's like tinder...but for baby names. You both get the app and swipe left/right, if you match it tells you. We found it v helpful when choosing both names, and took any confrontation out of it.

I would absolutely would if it was MY child someone wated to name Otter or Octavia. Eugh