Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

[Plum02]

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

I adore Octavia and Ophelia (very elegant sounding) and they seem perfectly reasonable names to me - I suspect your DP must just prefer names that he knows several of (the “classics”).

The only thing I would say about your list is that it is very “now” - all those names are rapidly on the rise (even Octavia, albeit more gradually ) - in fact if your list had included names like Romilly or Romy and Maeve too, I’d suspect you’d just plucked a list of the “most rapidly rising girls names” of the past 4/5 years🤣.

Doesn’t make the names at all bad though (despite what others on this thread say), just that we don’t know how they will date as some of those names could end up Top 10 in another decade. But that’s often a risk unless you choose Elizabeth, Maria, Alice, Anna, Charlotte, Eleanor type names (or ones that are fairly uncommonly used - the Juliet, Cecilia, Serena, Verity, Claudia types).

That comment was not racist. Ffs

@Manypaws A poster asked and I replied 🤷‍♀️

If it's just a name why can't the Op and her husband just pick one, why all the researching and arguing.

@OreoMonster29 Did you do any research to come up with your amazing, timeless, class bridging, universally appealing name?

@BoneTiredandWired A bit, yeah. Not hours and hours and no arguments with my husband though. That Ok for you?

I suppose it’s subjective isn’t it, because in my opinion I’ve chosen names which are class-neutral, timeless and can work internationally.

Ok dear.

I assume she hasn't tried him with names like Sarah and Amy because she doesn't like those names.

The OP's objective is to find a name for her baby that they both like.

Not to play, "guess what names my husband likes because he's forgotten how to use words to communicate".

I loathe the name Sebastian and dislike the girls' names you've mentioned.
What about Penny, instead of Penelope? That's nice. And actually, Margot is ok.

And I agree that he can't just dismiss your suggestions but come up with none of his own!
YANBU there.

I was ready to say he's being a twat until I read the names and didn't like any of them either.
He could at least contribute to the names list though.

@Plum02 Really? You won't find many people of any age with those names in working class areas.

They are becoming more popular but it doesn’t change the fact I love them - I dislike Maeve, Romy and Romilly though.

I’ve loved the name Margot since 2004 when I met a French girl called Margeaux as a teenager and thought it was so elegant. I had a childhood friend called Octavia and always thought that was super elegant too. It’s an unfortunate coincidence that those names are becoming so popular!

I liked the name Ophelia after studying Hamlet at A-level but wouldn’t have thought it an option (too out there and negative connotations) until I started hearing it more in recent years.

The others I’ve come across because they’re popular, from looking at top 100 baby name lists and those are the names that have made me think “oh yes, x called her little girl that, how pretty”.

It is a risk that they become “faddy” and associated with a particular generation like Karens and Susans though. That’s also why I’m avoiding Florence and Lily which I also love but have grown in popularity so quickly and are both top 10!

My name and my eldest's are on that list, cheers. 😆

Funny because a PP said Ophelia is basically a working class name now and one of the Radford children called her baby that!

Most names that start out middle class filter down and become common in working class areas over time.

And most cities are diverse and these names wouldn’t be out of place regardless of class.

🤣🤣

Couldn’t the same thing be said about how it’s probably not surprising he doesn’t like names such as Ophelia and Octavia?

I have a granddaughter called Ottilie and we all love the name.

Why does that matter? I’m from a working class area, have an old, unusual name and it’s never been an issue at all. No one’s ever said anything negative, other than ask how to spell it. A name doesn’t have to fit in to an area or social circle. If we all liked the same things life would be bloody boring.

Why is it important for your child to have a name that is popular among working class people?

Lovely - Ottilie said the original way is stunning imo (“Oh- tih- lee- eh”) . The only trouble is that despite its sudden popularity a lot of people aren’t familiar with it and it gets said in a harsher way, like “Ot- tih- lee” I think 😢 . I also suspect people will misspell it with one T or two L’s but that’s the risk of many names only recently popular (and I suppose no different in principle to Sofia/Sophia, Isabel/Isabelle etc).

@MissScarletInTheBallroom @Namechangedagain20

It's not important to me and it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, no. I was just replying to OP saying that she thought her name choices were class neutral. They're not IMO, they're very firmly middle class.

Yes it could, so then as I said on my post he needs to bring names that he likes to the table so they can begin to compromise. Thats not ever going to happen when he is saying no to everything op suggests and then not giving any suggestions of his own.

So what? Most people are middle class.

They're all top 100 names, which means that plenty of kids with these names will be knocking around in state schools.

A middle class name is not going to disadvantage your child whereas an obviously working class name may well do.

im guessing you think the names op has listed are edgy/out there/trying too hard/too unusual etc etc.
people like different things. My response was in response to the bashing op has received on this thread, nobody would ever normally hear me say such rude things about names. I genuinely don’t care what other people call their kids. I wouldn’t choose any of those names for my kids, but you do you 🤷🏽‍♀️
that’s the attitude that’s missing on this thread!! The entire point of the thread was not the names she likes, it was his rudeness about them and then the fact that he is bringing absolutely nothing to the table, my own partner was shit but even he brought the ridiculous suggestions of Jesus and Knott to the table!!