Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

[Plum02]

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

@Mirabai As I've already said, I'm not unfamiliar with these names - just don't personally know anyone called that, which I said in response to you claiming they're "standard" names. I don't even dislike unfamiliar names - just think the specific ones mentioned are an odd choice. As does the OP's husband, clearly, as well as hundreds of others who have replied. But you've zoned in on me for some reason. Maybe it's you who needs to get out more.

Do you have young children?

There was someone on a baby name thread recently who was saying that her teenagers wouldn't thank her for being called any of the names on the OP's list, but all the names on the OP's list were names that are currently very popular. Once it was pointed out that the OP's unborn baby will be a different generation to her teenagers and those names won't be considered at all weird in 15 years' time, she saw things differently.

Just because you personally don't know any Ophelias doesn't mean there aren't loads of baby Ophelias around.

I can guarantee you that ten years ago there were people wrinkling their noses and saying, "Ivy? Really? What an odd choice!" in complete ignorance of the fact that Ivy was about to break into the top 50 and would be a top 10 name in another five years' time.

In fact, I imagine that a lot of people who are too old to be having babies and too young to be having grandchildren still think Ivy is a very off the wall choice.

My mum described Noah as "unusual" a few years ago.

Yes you don't get many baby Hannahs Rebeccas, Rachels or Lauras now!

Based on ONS it's currently Olivia/ Amelia/ Isabella/ Ivy / Freya / Florence which are quite similar in Victoriana vibes to OP's list.

Octavia reminds me of Jilly Cooper (not a bad thing) but maybe that's just me!

@MissScarletInTheBallroom Yes I have a child in nursery. None of her peers are called of the names being discussed.

What are they called?

Funnily enough the last baby announcement I saw was a baby Rachel. I thought it sounded so refreshing.

I had this. Infuriating!

Have you tried that app that's like baby name tinder?? You both swipe left or right and end up with a list you both 'match' on - it has many countries' names to include, too! It saved us (from insanity!).

We ended up with 1 match (out of 4,000 names from 2 nationalities) and named her a variation of that.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom this is very true!

My grandmother (86), was really shocked when Lily, Ivy, Florence etc started becoming popular, those are “old lady” names to her. And I suppose, she is thinking of the elderly when she was young, who would have been born in the 19th century. Her own mum was born in the 1890’s!

@MissScarletInTheBallroom why is that relevant?

My DH was similar (although his criticism maybe not quite so strongly worded!) I think he found my fondness for picking out names a bit odd - and also didn't contribute many of his own suggestions. I get how you feel OP!

Also to note, the names listed are pretty common where I live - I know soo many Margots, 2 Ophelias and a Clementine. (Although also 2 baby Lauras!)
Mumsnet can be so weird about names, and the potential for children to be bullied for them - I found it quite depressing on the baby name board in the end.

In your previous comment you said these names were completely out there, suggesting you’re not familiar with them. Now you’re saying they’re popular with parents wearing pjs on the school run. So which is it? Or are you just trying to be a dick?

😱 I feel like that will be us 😂😂😂. How did you come to a decision?

Yes I actually love Florence - that would definitely have been one of my choices but I worried about her being forever doomed to go by her surname initial because it’s so popular now (top 5 I think)!

We probably live in very different areas and what’s popular where you live is different to where I live. I think names which are popular in a big city are completely different to those popular in the Home Counties, which are completely different again to those which are popular in an ex-mining town in the North East.

Haha well tbh it was our top choice then I saw my baby and thought he looked like a Rufus- husband vetoed that and I couldn't think of anything else we both liked! So back to top choice from pregnancy.

At no point did I find it easy, and for months I worried we'd got it wrong. Baby's name is uncommon but easily recognised and spelled.

My SIL was lovely and said babies grow into their name. I'm getting used to it now!

(Prepares for people to be rude about the name Rufus)

Just interested.

I’m afraid if I were given a list of names I didn’t like I’d feel the same as your husband. I do love Penelope though but he’s right Ottilie (sp) sounds like otter. Would anyone really want to be called Octavia or Ophelia, would your daughter thank you for those names?

I can be a bit blunt though so I’d be saying “absolutely not, nope, over my dead body”, etc if I didn’t like the numerous suggestions I was being given.

Why don’t you try him with names like Sophie, Sarah, Amy, Lucy (well I like those :) ).

I think the name Rufus is lovely but that’s probably a red flag given the comments on my choice of names 🙈. I think going with your top choice is the best decision though as you’d had time to think it through and not just decided on a whim when you’re hormonal!

Some of us think those names are boring and unimaginative ☺️ hope that helps. I wouldn’t dream of calling my child anything like those names.
my name is also unusual (I’ve heard of a couple of them but never met another one!!) and I’ve loved having an unusual name, I can’t think of anything worse than being named Jane, Sarah, Amy, Sophie…
and my partner knew my personality. So while maybe you’re right and my names were too out there for him, he’d have had to be a total idiot to assume someone as alternative as me would name their baby amy…😂

And the fact remains, which everyone is ignoring. OPS HUSBAND HAS NOT BROUGHT A SINGLE NAME TO THE TABLE.
for those saying pick a name you both like, how is she ever supposed to know what that is without hours is research when her dick of a husband is saying no quite nastily to every name she suggests and then not suggesting any of his own….
the majority of the posters on this thread are selectively reading and are just absolutely bat shit.

@Plum02 Yes it sounds like it. No guarantee a child will always stay living in the same area or within the same social circle though, hence the suggestion of a universal name that allows a person to fit in anywhere.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom
Fair enough...I wouldn't want to put my child's name on a public forum as it could be identifying based on other posts I've made on other threads where I've mentioned details about my life...but we chose a name that is international, class-neutral and timeless.

" international, class neutral and timeless" Jesus Christ it's just a name!

I wasn’t really into giving my children edgy names or vibe type names. They both have names that are short and not open to any kind of teasing or twisting. Sort of no-nonsense names I guess you could call them. They don’t really give anything away, and that’s not for everyone, I know.

The ops names are just normal old fashioned names. Not edgy or vibe type names 😂😂😂
and yes you got it, not for everyone…so it’s beyond me why a thread asking her husband is being so difficult has descended into everyone piling on the criticism on ops choice of names. People like what they like. And that is true of her husband, in which case he should put forward what he likes and see what she thinks. But in my opinion, it shouldn’t come as a shock if a person like a name like Amy they’re a certain type of person in my opinion, the same as those of us who like clementine are a different type of person. We don’t keep that personality hidden. He absolutely should have known that Amy or Sophie or Sarah wasn’t going to being put on the table by op.

Suggesting somebody has a problem because of the colour of their skin is a race related remark and absolute rubbish in this context put in just to play a game.