Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

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Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

I don't like any of those.
what are his suggestions?

naming is tricky and very personal. and if you don't both like the name, it's not the right name.

you seem to like more old fashioned names
what about Emmaline. then they have a few more modern abreviations they can go with, and he might like that. a lot of the ones you've chosen don't have very pleasant abbreviations. if he thinks she could be Emma or Emily for short, he might be more open to it. neither are names I would pick, but it would seem to fit well with the sort of names you like, without being too old fashioned for him. also after Emmaline Pankhirst, that's pretty inspiring.

I said right at the the start I don’t want opinions on the names. What is the point? They’ve already been vetoed and I’m not going to choose my child’s name based on the opinions of strangers on the internet. I listed the names to give his reactions and how he had responded which is relevant to why I’m annoyed. The thread didn’t ask “AIBU to like these names”. I’m annoyed at his reaction not the fact he doesn’t like a specific name.

I’ve suggested names which I’d love to have as my name. If you think Margot isn’t “back in” I’m guessing you haven’t had a child in the last 10-15 years because it’s been popular for about that length of time. It’s risen 1861 places in the baby name lists since 1996.

But it's not really about what the name choices are, is it?

OK, so the OP's choices are somewhat frilly. There's nothing actually wrong with that. It's all a matter of personal preference. Whilst Octavia wouldn't be on my list, it is an actual name, spelled correctly, which is more than can be said for a lot of names people give their children these days, and Margot and Penelope are really very mainstream.

It's not possible to "agree with her DH" in the sense that her DH has put zero suggestions forward. What are you agreeing with? The fact that you don't personally share the OP's taste in names? OK fine, but there's nothing to compare them to because her DH has come up with zero suggestions himself. Nobody here knows whether they agree with her DH yet, it could be that if he actually suggested a name everyone would be saying his taste in names is dire.

What are they going to put on the birth certificate? Not Penelope, not Etta and definitely NOT Ottilie Jones?

No. They're going to have to come up with an actual name.

I suspect that her DH's plan is to completely exhaust the OP without providing any suggestions for her to critique, so that when their baby is a month old and he suggests an actual name, she just goes with it.

Personally I think that if he doesn't start cooperating she should just book an appointment as soon as her baby is born and go and register her as Ottilie Margot Penelope Etta Jones.

It has been ‘around’ since Roman times.

Christ alive you’re over thinking this, how do you even know that. Focus on what names you BOTH like, not how many places names have risen. You clearly only like a very set theme of names, you need to broaden that out as your DH clearly doesn’t like that style, and your DH also needs to start putting some forward. You’ve still got ages through so you really don’t need to stress or overthink to this level.

i quite like some of the names you chose and one of them are even on mine. my suggestion would be that you both produce a list of x amount of names and get two number of vetos less then that so that hopefully you are left with 4 names both of you either like or at least don’t hate and see if that narrows down the choices.

People are so judgey about names on here. He is being a dick if he isn't suggesting anything. This happened to me, so I just kept quiet until my child was born, then I said to him if he could think of any name that he liked as much as the name I had come up with, then we can consider it, but he didn't have any ideas at all. You are giving birth and spending time with your child while it's in the womb. It's more your choice. He's going to have to let you choose after you've gone through childbirth, especially when he's not fussed about any other name.

Use the surname as a bargaining chip also. But then it should definitely be double barreled

I love your list of names! But your DH needs to offer alternatives. We had the same problem naming the dog!

How is she supposed to focus on names they both like if her husband has said he hates every name she likes and won't come up with even one name that he likes for her to consider?

This is why a lot of children end up with boring or common names. If two people are chosing a name, it's very likely to end up a compromise name.

Even if you both like fashionable names, or unusual names you are less likely to like the exact same unusual name.

Your partner should make some suggestions and not be so rude/ dismissive though. He might need time to get used to a name before it feels ok with it.

Really? I didn’t know they had cars in Roman times.

It took me 15 seconds to google, in response to the PPs comment about it being old fashioned.

Octavia was the daughter of Augustus. Roman emperor. Unless you were joking-tricky to tell as your attitude is so over the top.

The only name that is not terrible on that list in my opinion is Margot. Your hubby is right. Not every child's name has to sound "unusual", there is nothing wrong with Emma, Katherine, Sophie, Olivia, Emily etc.

So many parents think their name sounds unique but in reality they just sound awful. This will be an eventual professional working adult who will have to endure an awful name like Clementine or worse Octavia which automatically makes you think of a Skoda or a name a stripper might choose. My advice would be to play it safe and think about classic names that will not result in your child being bullied, that sound intelligent and professional.

These names are not particularly unique. Just because you don’t know many, doesn’t mean they’re extraordinarily rare. I know at least one person with each of these names. As mentioned I have a friend called Octavia, she has a professional career and I love her name. I find it a bit bizarre to suggest it couldn’t be a “professional” name.

These are not new, made up names. They’re all traditional, classic names which have an interesting history. Maybe look up people throughout history called Clementine - I think you’ll find they’re all educated, intelligent women, not strippers.

Your comments only show your own ignorance.

I know where the name Octavia comes from. My comment replied to a PP saying I’d be naming DC after a car, to say that the name Octavia has been around a lot longer than the car. Not sure what it OTT about that.

It is so Not more your choice Just because you're carrying the child! Lord above, you both made the child, you'll both look after and love the child till you die.
The only choice you have is whether you want the child or not, and that doesn't come into this at all.
The pair of you need to sit and write down the names you like and go through them until you both agree on one or two. Coming on here to vilify your husband doesn't sound like the best of starts to a happy family. Talk to him! If you can't talk to him now, what chance have you for the rest of your marriage.

Can a name be literally more classic than old Greek and Roman times?

Those names aren't really unusual in children population.

The child will grow into a workplace which will be quite used to the name Clementine, because it is being used again for more than a decade now and who knows whether Octavia cars will be still sold in twenty years.

I agree with your husband tbh.
Instead of getting pissed off why don't you tell him calmly that you'd really like him to have a think about some name suggestions, give him a week or whatever.
Or just wait til the baby is here then decide.
They might come out looking like a potato and give you some more wild inspo 😂

Clementine is a very common French name, nothing rare or unprofessional about it.

OP, have you broached the topic with your DH again?

OP I know you are not going to call your child Octavia. But, to put into context for those who didn’t know about the car, there are/have been around 8 million Octavias in the world. And it’s still being produced. It’s a very popular as a car.

Pretty awful choice of names I'm afraid. Remember, you aren't the one who has to live with it for the rest of your life.

This is such a non problem and you're making it way harder than it needs to be. Why does picking a name have to involve "putting in work" and "research"? Just give your child a normal name like Sarah or Emma or one of the popular modern ones like Isla/Ellie/Ava and be done with it.
I'm sorry but if my other half had suggested any of the names on your list I'd have scoffed and dismissed them too, they're a cross between old fashioned and wanky and I'd think he'd lost his mind. Don't saddle your child with a name that's going to make them the target of bullying.