Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

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Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

Your post! You know the bit about not many people rate them? As if that should somehow make a difference?

Sometimes names just don't seem to fit until the baby actually arrives

We were determined we were having a girl so had only agreed on a girls name then out popped DS!

This is a discussion thread. Most are mature enough to debate politely.

I read death notices!!! Some of the grandchildren had lovely names...

What a crock, not even worth answering.

Like the PP I suppose?

Patronising AF.

My partner was much the same with both of ours and it’s demoralising and upsetting. Apparently all my boys names were too American.
ill add that both times he has brought zero reasonable names to the table. Apart from Jesus and Knott.
in my experience you’re not alone here.

Well and also you are the one putting all the hard work into making this baby. I hate people who don’t acknowledge that!!! His body is not changing at all, he should at least listen and consider the names that are important to you.

It needs to be something you both agree on. My DC went through a Deed Poll so we've done this twice now! You will find a name you both love. Sometimes you need to meet the baby to know what it will be called. I was supposed to have a completely different name and then my Dad saw me and gave me the name I have. My Mum loved it - it wasn't even on the original radar.

Good names for a Labrador maybe?

Maybe just say this too him, i am excited and like a type of name and you seem dismissive of them. As you don't like my suggestions, can you give me yours?

My niece (6) is Ottilie, we love it!

Easy, you choose her middle name, he can choose her first. Throughout her life you use the name you love.

Ask him to come up with a list.

I had a nightmare naming my kids because of major disagreements (and I love the names you've listed, a couple were on my lists too!). But I got to use the names I loved as middle names for the kids. They both prefer their middle names and they have the option of using either.

I like your names, they're classic and quite a few are ones I had on my list if my son had been a girl, one of them is my name too 😂 tell him to bugger off.

Are you new to mumsnet? 😬

There isn't an overabundance of polite debate here!

It's really annoying when you're trying to decide something and the other person's says your ideas are crap and don't suggest anything themselves.

I hope some of the ideas PPs have suggested help OP.

My guess you're coming from wholly different angles, he's probably not putting in any names as, given your choices, you won't like them. My DP chose names they liked but my suggestions were based on if I was the child what would I think of the name. Give him a bit of paper and tell him to write 10 possible names and if he can't he's to give up input and let you decide..... you'll get names (whether you want them or not)👍.

This thread is making me laugh far more than it should. Not the OP, but some of the responses. And then their huffy reactions when someone pulls them up.

Also, shall we place bets on when someone will suggest the Kinder app? Without realising that it has been mentioned a dozen times already. 😅

@InternationalVelveteen it is becoming a bit “cancel the cheque” 😂

Sorry OP. I I'm with your hubby.

However he should suggest some names as well that he likes.

I took 4 and a half days after giving birth to decide my daughter's name. Its a big decision.

I think some names sound cute as a baby/child but awful as a 'grown up'. Can't think of any examples right now..

I'd go with the mindset, would I want...... as MY name when I'm an adult. Do I want a lifetime of having to spell it out? Of people writing it incorrectly in cards etc?

My friend's grandaughter is called Ottillie, but they call her Ottie for short and not Tilly. The names on your list though, are not to most people's taste I'm afraid, sorry.

Blimey if you can't have a reasoned discussion about this then good luck for the decades of parenthood to come

I quite like most of the names you have suggested on your initial list in fact I know some people who have named their children those exact names. I am unsure how to pronounce the latest name. I would ask him to come up with a list to see if there is one you may like fingers crossed you can reach a compromise.

Your names aren’t my cup of tea I’m afraid. Ask him to make a list and go from there.

My friends granddaughter is Ottilie, but she’s French ( the granddaughter) I think it’s more common there.

It isn't, I've not come across it ever in 25 years teaching.