Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

[Plum02]

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

I was responding to the comment that the names are “trying to hard to be different” but apparently they’re now names that make me a “sheep” - I can’t win.

As hard as it might be to believe, I’ve suggested the names because I like the names not because I’m being a sheep, trying to be different, trying to sound posh or any other reason. I think they’re extremely pretty, it doesn’t matter if you agree or not.

@Plum02 has he ever mentioned a name being nice before? What names are in his family?

This would give you an idea of what he considers ‘normal’ and if he’s not very imaginative, something in that ilk will probably be his starting point.

Sadly with the breadth of opinion on this site you will never 'win'. Best thing is to just stick with what you like/know, which you are doing. Try not to take too much notice of the rest x

We literally had a list of 3 names we both liked!
We went through top 100 names from every decade from the Victorian era and then looked at name lists in different countries together.
We made lists of names that weren't an option - friends children, kids we hated in school, names too strongly connected to a particular TV character that sort of thing. This actually helped us come up with a type of name we liked.

Oh come on, we all know some names have acquired additional connotations.

I said my preferences were within this not that every name in the bible would be acceptable to me.

She kills herself, like Ophelia, but by contrast Ophelia is very young and naive and is less a victim of her own choices.
my name choices were far more pedestrian, I prefer to keep it simple 😂

All of your suggestions suffer from being unusual or weird to anyone not currently naming a baby but also simultaneously incredibly overdone among a certain type of parent who is currently naming babies. No wonder they're marmite names. They will sound very dated to this particular couple of years in future.

Have you suggested any more common names that he's vetoed? It's not unreasonable for him to want a name that he's familiar and comfortable with. It doesn't have to be something as popular as Emily or Olivia, if you look at the ONS lists, some surprisingly familiar names are well out of the top 50 or even 100.

I don’t understand why people are insisting all the names are definitely ‘ugly’ like it’s a fact or stating that they all have negative connotations are being . The names may not be everyone’s first choice but they make me think of Margot Fonteyn, Octavia Hill, Clementine Churchill, Etta James and Penelope Cruz (as well as Odysseus’s wife). But yes, the OP’s issue is not her taste in names but her H’s blunt vetoes & refusal to make suggestions. Looks like she’s come up with some ideas to sort that.

I totally understand this OP. I went through the same, I wrote a list of 33 names and my husband rejected every single one of them. Mostly for ridiculous reasons.

We tried the baby name tinder thing, out of 2000 names I liked over 100. He liked 4. No matches.

In the end we both picked 10 names and wrote them on individual pieces of paper. We then took turns removing one each until we were left with our daughters name.

It was hard work though!

Agree with him, all awful and very unique names. He has a right not to like them.

To me these are completely normal names and I know lots of kids with them. Surprised by some of the responses here. But in any event, the issue is not the names but the husband wanting to veto them without discussion and without alternative suggestions.

If you are set on having Tilly as a nickname or short form name for your child, would you consider Matilda as the full form of the name rather than Otillie?

I would also think about what names work best with your/his/both surnames. You are naming a child here and you do not want to end up making their lives a living hell by giving them a name that doesn't go with the surname or one that is just not right for them, even if you absolutely adore the name, it may be completely wrong for the child.

For example - taking the name Portia (Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice) and putting it with the surname DeRossi, and the name sounds posh, however Portia Smith, just sounds like someone was trying too hard and the kid is likely to want to change their name by deed poll when they are old enough (apologies to any Portia's out there, Smith or otherwise) just trying to use an example.

@Teacherprebaby "Agree with him, all awful and very unique names. He has a right not to like them"
I don't think you know what unique means.....

They are definitely names of a type though-and if he doesn't like that type.....

I think DH is being unreasonable here for not putting any ideas forward.

Top tip Once you’ve got some names practice saying/shouting them out loud.

“Ophelia! Your tea is ready!” (For what it’s worth I think this would get shortened to “Fi” very quickly)

“Tilly! Get in the box!! (Football terminology, imagining your baby as an 8 year old super footballer

I wish people would stop being mean to OP about her name choices.

Every single name in existence will have people who love it and people who hate it.

Of course her DH has a 'right' not to like them, same would be true whatever the names were, everyone can have an opinion.

What's not fair is that he's leaving it all to OP and then knocking her down every time, he needs to contribute something constructive!

Agree. Also don't understand why so many don't read the thread. OP must have the patience of a saint as she has to repeat all the information she has already given and which so many posters are simply ignoring!

Im not a fan of any of the names you have (Octavia was a male boss of mine and i was not a big fan of him) - but thats not your AIBU. Your AIBU is whether you husband is a bit of a twat to laugh at your name suggestions, without coming up with some of his own, yes, he's being a twat. YANBU.

We did a list of 10 names each that we really liked and crossed one off each other list taking turns, we were left with two which we both didn't mind, i picked my daughters name and my husband picked my sons.

God THIS! ‘What are your husband’s suggestions?’ X 1000000000

The odd thing is why he isn't interested in coming up with a name for his child. Why not drop the subject and wait for him to propose something?

Whilst I'm not keen on any of the names you have chosen, I would pick whatever name I liked if my husband wasn't being helpful with suggestions! He has a choice/a say in this. If he doesn't come up with any suggestions himself, Margot it is! 🙂

Did you mean to be so rude?

We had a list of names and ending up agreeing on a totally different one minutes after the birth!

But yes. He needs to sit down tonight and write a list and meet you halfway.

Where did you drag that conclusion out of??

oh give it a rest!

No idea, had never heard the name before.

I suppose that will be down to my narrow social circle 😂